50 Things I Don’t Care About
- What your baby did today.
- The weather.
- Your boyfriend’s band.
- What it means if he usually texts you at 10:15 but today he didn’t text until 10:21.
- What price you paid for your outfit.
- Interest rates.
- What’s under the hood of your car.
- The fact that, at first, you thought your shirt was black but when you put it on with your skirt you realized it was navy.
- Why Greek yogurt is better than regular.
- What not owning a TV has taught you.
- How much you can bench.
- What’s inside that hot dog.
- How difficult it was to select a venue for your wedding.
- The “terrible customer service” you got at McDonalds.
- Music before 1960.
- That it’s actually faster to drive home the other way.
- What you do in the bedroom, if you aren’t my three closest friends or the person I’m seeing.
- YOUR LAST GIRLFRIEND.
- “The South.”
- Tan lines.
- My horoscope, unless it’s good.
- Award shows.
- Throwing away “home decor” given to me by distant relatives.
- What anyone got on the ACTs past age 18.
- Leadership classes.
- Ugly dogs.
- The time you kissed someone of the same sex and “totally” thought you were gay.
- Your Kickstarter project.
- Art projects.
- Spilled milk/vodka.
- CRAFT COCKTAILS.
- Anything Ann Romney has to say.
- Germs, for the most part.
- How offensive “______” is.
- Comic book movies.
- That the winning “Bachelor” couples never stay together.
- That a 6-year-old went tanning. (It was one time?)
- How “slutty” someone is dressed.
- Carrie Bradshaw-isms
- How everyone calls him your “work husband.”
- What your puke tasted like.
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The best thing about being a young adult right now is that you, more than any previous generation, have the freedom and the resources to create your own religion. So, let’s get started.
The apartment you lived in your first year out of school, the walk-up with a view of the street.
I wanted to quit my job. I hated my boss.
His eyes widened, he became angry, and backed off of me. I told him he could leave now. Now. He said “With you being a good Christian girl, and me studying to be a priest, I think it’s important we not tell anyone what we did.”