50 Quotes From The Star Wars Prequels, Ranked In Order Of Terribleness

Jul. 9, 2012

By Oliver Miller info

Oliver has a MFA in fiction from a very expensive college, but has never published any fiction. He has written for ...

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  1. “Yousa thinking yousa people ganna die?”
  2. “I don’t care what universe you’re from, that’s got to hurt!”
  3.  “Love won’t save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that.”
  4. “…Don’t try it, Anakin. I have the high ground!”
  5. “There’s always a bigger fish.”
  6. “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me.”
  7. “Are you an angel?”
  8. “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”
  9. “Ye gods, whatta meesa sayin’?”
  10.  “I sense Count Dooku.”
  11. “Ani? My goodness, you’ve grown!”
  12. “How wude!”
  13. “I can’t take Dooku alone! I need you!”
  14. “I’ve been wondering… what are midi-chlorians?”
  15. “Chesco, Sebulba. Chipoka oomen geesa. Me teesa radical fbombati chop chawa.”
  16. “I have the POWER! UNLIMITED… POWER!”
  17. “Droidekas!”
  18. “Uh! So uncivilized.”
  19. “Now this is pod racing!”
  20. “So this is how liberty dies… with thunderous applause.”
  21. “…It is only natural. He cut off your arm, and you wanted revenge.”
  22. “Always two there are, no more, no less.”
  23. “Mom, you said that the biggest problem in the universe is no one helps each other.”
  24. “He owes me what you’d call a ‘life-debt.’ Your gods demand that his life belongs to me.”
  25. “From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!”
  26. “I thought we had decided not to fall in love. That we’d be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives.”
  27. “A vergence, you say?”
  28. “Now that I’m with you again, I’m in agony. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar.”
  29. “No loose wire jokes.”
  30. “Your mother had gone out early, like she always did, to pick mushrooms that grow on the vaporators.”
  31. “For reasons we can’t explain, we are losing her.”
  32. “…Well, then you really are lost!”
  33. “He said… you killed younglings!”
  34. “What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we have been fighting to destroy?”
  35. “I have waited a long time for this moment, my little green friend.”
  36. “…I’ll try spinning. That’s a good trick. Whoa-ah!”
  37. “Train yourself to let go… of everything you fear to lose.”
  38. “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can’t explain what happened.”
  39. “You were banished because you were clumsy?”
  40. “You are in my very soul, tormenting me…”
  41. “…We used to come here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day. I love the water. We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us and try to guess the names of the birds singing.”
  42. “At an end your rule is, and not short enough was it.”
  43. “Ray shields!”
  44. “Just being around her again is… intoxicating.”
  45. “Your new Empire?”
  46. “Symbionts?”
  47. “They live inside me?”
  48. “I don’t understand.”
  49. “Your presence is soothing.”
  50. “…We live in a real world, come back to it. You’re studying to become a Jedi, I’m… I’m a senator.”

PLUS, TEN MORE HORRIBLE BONUS QUOTES:

  1. “You don’t want to sell me death sticks.”
  2. “Around the survivors a perimeter create!”
  3. “Miss you I shall, Chewbecca!”
  4. “…I’m not afraid to die. I’ve been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.”
  5. “If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find.”
  6. “Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth… Vader.”
  7. “Nooooooooooooooooooo!”
  8. “His cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians I have seen in a life-form.”
  9. “This is the end for you… my master.”
  10. “I can’t watch anymore.”  TC mark

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image – Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (Widescreen Edition)

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  • Michaelwg

    Jewish women have used #38 for thousands of years.

  • http://www.facebook.com/DavideMastracci Davide Giuseppe Mastracci

    “So this is how liberty dies… with thunderous applause.”

    This was actually a good line, especially if you compare it to authoritarian crack downs and the response they get IRL.

    • http://www.facebook.com/oliveramiller Oliver Miller

      It’s Natalie Portman’s I-hate-these-movies-and-my-soul-is-dying-as-I-speak-these-lines delivery that makes it unbearable.

  • http://www.facebook.com/oliveramiller Oliver Miller

    So… this list originally had a 3,000-word essay attached to it, wherein I discussed my feelings about the prequels. However, I had trouble expressing the “depth” of my “feelings” about the prequels, and I ended up typing things like “I died. I really really really really died,” which was not a very… descriptive way of putting things. So I cut the entire essay. So, maybe another time for that, once I grapple with my feelings a little more.

    • http://scheduledescape.wordpress.com Robert Wohner

      I’d love to read that original essay. I argue that Episode 3 might be the best of the whole franchise. The reason the dialogue is so laughable in the prequels is that Lucas actually tried to establish some sort of actual bond between these characters. He failed. But the attempt was important. The relationship between Anakin and Obiwan, especially in Revenge of the Sith, had a lot of layers. None of the relationships in the originals did at all. There’s so much to hate about the prequels but I think they’re slightly underappreciated.

      • http://www.facebook.com/oliveramiller Oliver Miller

        I think I can say this without hyperbole: the fact that you think that Episode III is the best one makes me give up all hope for humanity; nay, for life itself, even.

      • http://scheduledescape.wordpress.com Robert Wohner

        Haha, please. In terms of successfully capturing the Space Opera quality of Star Wars, my rankings would be 3, 4, 5, 1, 2, 6. Dude, my arguments have been well formulated over many a lost weekend watching reruns on Spike. But I’ll leave this with you. As the conscious writer that you are, what is more egregious: Bad dialogue that attempts to explore the motivations and passion of the characters or no evidence that explains their actions. For me, I can tolerate “I don’t line sand”-esque nonsense with a purpose. But why does everyone let Lucas off the hook for Han inexplicably coming to save Luke. That was in no way consistent with the carefree rebel the character was all movie long. It’s a great moment but an unearned one and I deduct points for that.

      • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ Oliver Miller

        Agh, the movie rankings go 5,6,4… (largest gap of anything in human history) …3, 1, 2. Though I’m flexible on swapping “Star Wars” and “Return of the Jedi” there. Han Solo “inexplicably” saves Luke because it’s a dramatic moment of redemption. Character is action, like Fitzgerald said, or you can reverse that — action is character. We don’t need horrible prequel-style expository dialogue leading up to Han changing his mind, which would ruin it anyway, and we don’t need that because Han coming back is dialogue, in a way. And now that I’ve ruined that and made it boring… he also was clearly a good guy and hiding it and had taken plenty of risks for his friends even before his change of heart; I mean, he rushes off to attack the whole hallway of Stormtroopers to buy Luke and Leia more time — Leia: “Well, he certainly is brave.” Luke: “What good is that if he gets himself killed?” …And so, anyway, in conclusion, fuck the prequels, whooo.

  • http://twitter.com/rpulvino Rich Pulvino (@rpulvino)

    “Nooooooooooooooo” should’ve been #1, easily. Other than that, great list. Also, use this in dire situations and thank me later: http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

  • https://twitter.com/soupysalad Padme

    #61 “Hold me. Like you did by the lake on Naboo.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/oliveramiller Oliver Miller

      That was in contention. I had to make some tough choices — you should have seen how long my original list was; I mean, REALLY. This will all be addressed in my essay once I get a grip on my emotions.

      • Padme

        :)

  • http://twitter.com/rob_t_firefly Rob Vincent (@rob_t_firefly)

    Do not want.

  • lol@sharklasers.com

    wow holy crap i could only get thorugh the first 20 before having to take a break and go vomit

  • http://twitter.com/jessgrahamcrckr Jessica Graham (@jessgrahamcrckr)

    Another great one and its really just because I hate the whole scene but “She has lost the will to live.”

  • PhantomMenaceLoversDiedin9/11

    Grip on emotions????? It’ s a grip on emotions that has led to the non-release of the Original Triilogy in all its original splendor! What we need is an outside presence to infiltrate Celebration whatever and harass and bully and cajole and threaten Lucas and his pig dog Nazi sympathizers! We need to interrupt every panel with clapping and jeers and boo evferyone on stage. Say that their own mothers would have rather had them aborted then have to endure the soul-crushing disgrace of humanity that the prequels and their ilk has wrought! We will have our OT and eventually with sublinminal messaging through the prequel DVDs wipe ever worthless prequel loving piece of crap reprobate degenerate filth off the face of the Earth!

  • Mildred

    You should’ve included, “Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/oliveramiller Oliver Miller

      If you haven’t seen the Jimmy Fallon parody of that scene, I highly recommend it: http://youtu.be/ku17InceClM

  • http://Raymondthimmes.com raymondthimmes

    Best list ever.

  • David McClane

    shoulda just been the movie scripts

  • http://twitter.com/thissortofthing thissortofthing (@thissortofthing)

    I’d promote #55 to the top 10. In fact I’d probably make at least six of the top ten Yoda quotes. One of the many awful aspects of the prequels is Yoda’s diction. Sure he had a touch of this in the original films, but in the prequels he ridiculous.

  • lempka

    Where is: “I’m a person, and my name is Anakin.”? That’s my personal favorite stupid line from the prequels.

  • http://womandrogyne.wordpress.com womandrogyne

    Having the man who’s destined to grow up to be Alec Guinness say “Good job!” when Aniken said “We came here to rescue you…” was like chewing on tinfoil. Shudder.

    Also, I know this isn’t a quote, but Padme choosing the most sexy black backless shiny outfit she had (out of seemingly 3 million) as her “I’m going to tell Aniken this cannot happen between us” outfit was just being downright rude.

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/stars-wars-episode-7-set-for-2015-but-hopefully-the-world-ends-first/ Stars Wars Episode 7 Set For 2015 But Hopefully The World Ends First | Thought Catalog

    [...] grumpy old man rant. Cue the new Jar Jar Binks, I guess. [...]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/heres-your-wes-anderson-directed-version-of-star-wars/ Here’s Your Wes Anderson-Directed Version Of Star Wars | Thought Catalog

    [...] for the original Star Wars movies, though not for the terrible, terrible, just fucking terrible prequels. …So here is a Conan O’Brien-created “audition tape” of Wes [...]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/11/here%e2%80%99s-your-wes-anderson-directed-version-of-star-wars/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] for the original Star Wars movies, though not for the terrible, terrible, just fucking terrible prequels. …So here is a Conan O’Brien-created “audition tape” of Wes [...]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/heres-your-star-wars-terrible-sequel-generator/ Here’s Your Star Wars Terrible Sequel Generator | Thought Catalog

    [...] in your hands — yes, your hands, because you probably are capable of having ideas that are as terrible as the ideas that George Lucas has — because why [...]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/12/here%e2%80%99s-your-star-wars-terrible-sequel-generator/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] in your hands — yes, your hands, because you probably are capable of having ideas that are as terrible as the ideas that George Lucas has — because why [...]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/100-quotes-from-star-wars-in-order-of-awesomeness/ 100 Quotes From ‘Star Wars,’ In Order Of Awesomeness | Thought Catalog

    [...] not the prequels, which I still haven’t fully recovered from. Seriously; the prequels — I have no words. I am speechless. I have no words. And now they’re making three more Star Wars movies. Maybe [...]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2013/03/100-quotes-from-%e2%80%98star-wars%e2%80%99-in-order-of-awesomeness/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] not the prequels, which I still haven’t fully recovered from. Seriously; the prequels — I have no words. I am speechless. I have no words. And now they’re making three more Star Wars movies. Maybe [...]

  • http://musingsofamildmanneredman.com/2013/04/17/a-critical-analysis-of-david-bowies-crotch-bulge-in-labyrinth/ A ‘critical’ analysis of David Bowie’s crotch bulge in Labyrinth… | Musings of a Mild Mannered Man

    [...] that’s hardly all. Thought Catalog has a list of 60 awful, awful lines from the Prequels, and I wouldn’t say any of them don’t [...]

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