44 Essentials For The Early 2000s Girl
1. Dating an alt bro who wears hemp/tribal necklaces.
2. Listening to 311, Incubus, Third Eye Blind, and the like.
3. Shopping at Express, 5-7-9 and Forever 21.
4. Recognizing that Avril Lavigne and Sum 41 were “trying too hard” but still kind of liking them anyway.
5. Dying a single streak of your hair a bold color.
6. Body glitter.
7. Belly shirts in bold colors.
8. Shirts with sayings in glittery bubble letters on them.
9. Frosted lip gloss.
10. Dating a guy with a faux-hawk.
11. White belts.
12. These horrible Steve Maddens.
13. Jeans that lace up the front and had no back pockets.
14. Shirts that got really flared at the end of the sleeves.
15. These ridiculous scrunch shirts.
16. Butterflies on everything.
17. Glitter keychains that said things like “100% Angel.” (Bonus points if they said “100% Devil” on the back.)
18. Juicy sweatsuits.
19. Matching silver charm necklace and bracelet from Tiffany’s.
20. Actual army dog tags sold at the mall that you could get your name (and the name of your boyfriend) engraved on.
21. Those silver magnent charm bracelets.
23. Playing on the volleyball and/or field hockey team.
24. Jeans with embellished ass pockets.
25. Shopping at Hot Topic.
26. Listening to Sublime 10 years too late.
27. Getting your belly pierced.
28. Inserting a butterfly or fairy-shaped charm into said belly button piercing.
29. French manicures (on fingers and toes).
30. Platform sandals made of foam (WTF).
31. Watching your boyfriend skateboard “ramps” in a fast-food restaurant’s parking lot.
32. Tattoo-style plastic stretchy choker necklaces.
33. Watching Degrassi and identifying strongly with the characters.
34. Cropped halter tops with low-rise jeans that are basically picture frames for your hip bones.
35. Hip bones in general.
36. Tribal tattoos, particularly on the bicep or the lower-back area colloquially referred to as the “tramp stamp.”
37. Greasy ponytails with those two little hair antennae that hang down in front.
38. The movie Thirteen.
39. Cribs, TRL, The Real World, and True Life.
40. Taking on Daria as your own personal idol/role model, and Trent as your ultimate dream guy.
41. Trucker hats, particularly Von Dutch trucker hats.
42. Dooney and Burke purses.
43. Pants that say things across the ass.
44. Flared jeans with just a classy hint of Ugg poking out from underneath — leave just a little to the early-2000s imagination.
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That is what the selfie is! It marks a time when someone feels beautiful and self assured.
The guy who you would be just perfect for and everything about him is magical and mysterious and if he would only give you the time of day you’d probably have a ring by spring.
But nothing could be less ordinary than someone who cares about us when it’s least convenient.
All I ask is that you listen to my ramblings and nod at appropriate intervals, giving me the illusion that you are at least moderately interested in what I am saying.