32 Things That Will Ruin Your Morning
1. Feeling the hot water in the shower start to run out as you’re only halfway through your shower. (Also known as the greatest pain you will ever experience.)
2. Having a roommate who takes up all of the precious, precious bathroom time while you’re already late.
3. Finding out that you actually have to be somewhere 30 minutes before you thought you had to.
4. Reaching for the box of your favorite cereal, only to find that someone ate all but the crumbs and put it back, apparently just to torment you.
5. Being behind someone at the coffee shop who has an entire list of orders for the office. (Come on, dude, really?)
6. Realizing that, no matter what you do with your hair, it’s just going to look flat and awful all day.
7. Perfectly styling your hair, only to walk out into 90 percent humidity/rain, and quickly turn into an Old English Sheepdog.
8. Spending the entire subway ride crushed into someone’s armpit.
9. Missing every single train on the way to work.
10. Having to listen to a coworker humblebrag about the previous night’s excursions for the first 10 minutes of work.
11. Flipping over the egg and having the yolk break.
12. The coffee shop being out of your favorite pastry (this goes double if the person in front of you takes it after five minutes of you being like “don’t touch that scone, bitch, don’t touch that scone.”)
14. Children crying on the subway.
15. Realizing that your iPod isn’t charged up for the commute (and you didn’t even bring anything to read).
16. Getting to a really sad part in your book while on public transportation and having to pretend like your soul isn’t being destroyed from within.
17. No milk left in the fridge.
18. Going through your entire wardrobe only to decide that you hate every item of clothing you own and absolutely nothing looks good on you.
19. Toothpaste falls off your brush. :(
20. Getting all the way to work and promptly finding out that you left something extremely important at home.
21. Waking up with a huge zit in an obnoxious place. (The worst, perhaps, being right next to your lip, which leaves you wanting to explain that you don’t have herpes to everyone you see.)
22. Realizing there is a stain on the outfit you’re wearing.
23. Burning your pancakes. (Though, if you have time to be making pancakes in the morning, it seems like a win overall.)
24. Spilling coffee on yourself.
25. Burning your mouth with your coffee (and then SUING THE CRAP OUT OF THE COMPANY WHO SOLD IT TO YOU MUAHAHAHAHAHA).
27. Not being able to find something extremely basic on the way out, like your keys.
28. Stepping in dog poop.
29. Impossibly long line at the coffee shop when you’re already late.
30. Forgetting an umbrella and feeling the rain start to pour the second you’re too far from home to turn back and get it.
31. Getting stuck awkwardly in the subway turnstile, realizing all too late that you didn’t properly swipe your card, and now you’re “that guy.”
32. Slipping and falling in front of a bunch of people and having to play it off like you didn’t just humiliate/injure yourself in broad daylight. Probably best to just scowl until lunch.
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