26 Lesser-Known Reasons To Call Your Girlfriend
- You want to thank her for being amazing… both because she is amazing and because you are with a friend who has a stomachache and you are trying to help them barf.
- You’ve just been arrested and you want to prove that you love her more than freedom. Also, you forgot your lawyer’s phone number.
- She gave you her number and then asked you to, maybe?
- You’re in public and there’s a couple having a fight awkwardly close to you.
- You’re in a cab and the cabbie asks you “Do you go to school in this neighborhood?” It’s becoming clear this cabbie thinks you are not a grown woman, but a 14-year-old boy.
- Your girlfriend is Tyrone.
- Your phone rang, but you couldn’t get to it in time. When you pressed *69 your girlfriend’s number came up. Also, it’s the 1980s.
- You are London and your girlfriend is the faraway town.
- You’ve used your other two lifelines and Meredith Vieria is staring at you.
- Your house is teeming with ghosts, ghouls, and spirits, and your girlfriend is a Ghostbuster.
- It’s also time that you two “had the talk.” But in this case, “the talk” is about how you need more dish soap, and you’re really sorry that you forgot to put it on the list, but you didn’t think she was going to go to the store straight from work. If she had just called you, first, you could have told her, and now she wouldn’t have to go back to the store, and use the piece of sh-t self-service check out register that ALWAYS tells her that ‘the weight is not correct’ just to f-ck with her mind. Moreover, you wouldn’t need to be having this entire dish soap discussion, which is a disproportionally long time to talk about something that doesn’t even have its own scent, because you insist on buying the creepy unscented kind.
- You’re changing every “i” in your name with “y.”
- You’re killing time until your next Google+ meet up.
- It’s not a call; it’s a call of duty, which means you just stare at the phone for hours punching buttons.
- Your girlfriend works for 311 and there are loose syringes on your sidewalk again.
- Your girlfriend is addicted to texting and you don’t want to enable her.
- You are addicted to your own classic merengue ringtone, so you periodically call her and then hang up.
- You are in the same room, but you are spies.
- You are in the same room, but you are bored.
- You are in the same room, but you are spies who got bored.
- You want to let her know that you do not plan on having any kind of talk with her any time soon. Robyn can’t push you around. Eff you, Robyn! Just kidding, Robyn, you can hang with me.
- This is a horror movie, you are deranged, and you’re inside the house!
- You wanted to let her know that earlier, when she wasn’t there, you just called to say you love her. But you’re not going to say it on this call; this is just the call to inform her of your intentions when you made the first call. This is purely a notification — James Taylor-style.
- She just paged you. Also, you’re a doctor or a drug dealer in the 1990s.
- You are a professional football coach on the sidelines and she is the defensive coordinator in the pressbox. Here’s hoping your linebackers manage to drop into pass coverage.
- Your girlfriend is Debbie Harry.
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So in many ways, females have been conditioned to see other females as foes and competition first, and to wannabe guys’ girls.
2. You’re happy all the time.
People with wedding boards annoy me.
Everything and everyone becomes so much more serious each year after graduating. And getting together with friends keeps getting harder.