25 Things I’m Ashamed I Care About
- Whether Ron and Sam are currently together.
- $1 off on Easy-mac/ Gushers/ Shark Bites/ Capri Sun.
- Whether my high school prom queen has a boyfriend.
- Whether my high school boyfriend has a boyfriend.
- The f-cking awesome vacation you took that week while I was at work, eating canned soup so I could put a pathetic $50 toward my student loan interest payments.
- Who has looked at my LinkedIn profile.
- That your script “got a producer.” What does that even mean?
- My ex-boyfriend’s fiances wedding ring.
- Brunch plans.
- Where you got your Adderall.
- The Winklevii.
- Your inane Twitter page / Klout score / Foursquare mayoral appointments.
- The Justin Bieber concert coming to town in July.
- That Lena Dunham is younger than me.
- That you understand what buying stocks is.
- Your humble-brag online Facebook personality.
- The haircut I just got, which is a cross between Johann Sebastian Bach and the Super Mario character, Toad.
- Every outfit Kate Middleton has ever worn.
- The perfect ass of the girl in my ballet-fit class.
- The Buddha.
- Where are they now: every Saved By the Bell member.
- Whether you think I’m cool or not, you being anyone on the planet.
- My GPA, in comparison with yours.
- My salary, in comparison with yours.
- Pop psychology.
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Looking back over my past 27 years on the planet, the happiest times for me have always involved a spicy, unrequited crush somewhere in the mix.
I would rather jump around and sweat my body to a Lady Gaga song. Yoga is so overrated.
13. ‘Wilmer Valderrama Presents Yo Momma: The Movie’
4. When I mentioned my idea of applying for a competitive writing fellowship in addition to graduate programs, and you told me I shouldn’t.