21 Theories On Why The Club Can't Even Handle Me Right Now
By
Laura Jayne Martin is a writer living in New York City. Her work has been featured on McSweeney's Internet Tendency, ... 
- I have double pneumonia and the club is not medically equipped to handle me.
- The club’s upper body strength isn’t what it used to be.
- The club is not emotionally mature enough, but it thinks it can handle me after it goes on a trip to Australia.
- The club didn’t eat breakfast this morning.
- I am still technically a minor and the club already has two strikes.
- The club has really bad cramps and the club’s greedy roommate used all the Motrin.
- I’m radioactive.
- The club and I recently broke up, and the club saw like two other exes already today.
- My handles are really greasy from Belgian fries.
- I’m “the truth” and the club is Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men.
- The club has a presentation due at 6 p.m. and can’t figure out how to get rid of the paper clip thing in PowerPoint because right click is broken on the club’s mouse.
- The club is having an existential crisis and it really can’t handle anything right now.
- I’m going to physically overwhelm the club using Krav Maga.
- The club has a pretty deep paper cut.
- I’m heavy machinery and the club just took a prescription sleep aid.
- The club is going through some really bad family stuff.
- My sleeve is on fire.
- The club actually can handle me, but the club is kind of a dick.
- The club is at capacity.
- I’m King Midas and if the club touches me, the club will turn to gold.
- The club doesn’t have hands.
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Stephanie
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http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos
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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5229681 Jessica Murfin
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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh
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Anonymous
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GA
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http://www.lovelysim.com/ Lindsey
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Waicool
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http://twitter.com/_euphonic bernadetteee[:
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Veronica
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