20 Signs You’re Dating The Wrong Person

May. 7, 2012

By Mila Jaroniec info

Mila Jaroniec lives and writes in New York. You can read her super short fiction on various places on the internet ...

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  1. You constantly have that tape-over-mouth feeling with them — you either feel silenced, misunderstood, or like you’re somehow approximating what you mean to say no matter how hard you try to just say it.
  2. You suspect they like hearing the sound of their own voice more than they like hearing yours.
  3. Their #1 project in life is your relationship — they have no goals, dreams, or aspirations of their own and define themselves by who they’re with instead of what they do.
  4. They’re disrespectful to your family. To your face. And they don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
  5. They treat you less like a partner and more like a possession. As in, they don’t care so much about who you are per se, but who you are for/with/in relation to them.
  6. They never need personal space and get upset/suspicious/offended when you express the need for it.
  7. They can’t take responsibility for their own emotions — they will always find room to say “Well if YOU hadn’t done x…” even if you had absolutely nothing to do with their bad mood.
  8. They are constantly disapproving and discouraging of your goals and efforts, to the point where you don’t even bother telling them what you want anymore since they’ll cut it down anyway.
  9. They don’t respect your time. Right NOW is the opportune moment for that tedious task/remodeling project/huge argument, damn it, screw your econ exam or flight that leaves in two hours.
  10. They fight dirty. Sure, fighting is a normal part of any relationship, but it’s pretty easy to decipher how someone really feels about you during a fight by the type of insults they hurl.
  11. They’re never genuinely sorry. Even when they do apologize, they still try to convince you they were right.
  12. No matter what you do, there’s always something not good enough, half-assed, or less than about your efforts. You always feel like you have to “prove” yourself and you’re always failing at it.
  13. They’re suspicious of everything you say and do and constantly accuse you of violating their trust, but guess who’s going through your phone and hacking into your email?
  14. They say “If it weren’t for me…” a little too often. Basically, they act like they’re doing you some kind of favor by being with you.
  15. They don’t try to make you a better person; they don’t care enough to call you out on your bullsh-t or let you know when you do something wrong. Only a person who truly cares about you will kindly tell you the things you don’t want to hear. Keyword kindly.
  16. You’d have to dye your hair puce and parade around the house in a diaper playing the Czech national anthem on a harmonica before they’d notice anything different about you.
  17. You don’t feel good with them. Those feelings of warmth and contentment and all that other sentimental crap seem to have gone missing, or maybe you never actually had them. Who remembers?
  18. Sexually and intellectually, you’re on two different pages in two separate books on opposite ends of the library.
  19. You can’t depend on them. You already know you wouldn’t call them first in the event of an emergency because they probably wouldn’t answer the phone.
  20.  The thought of a future with them feels like collapsing on the couch and never moving again. Also a bad joke. Also impending doom. TC mark

    21. You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

    image – Master of Desire

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  • cyan

    oh no. i can relate a little to the first two. but besides that, we are great together and i really like this person. :(

    • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

      Maybe having a few are ok… but  if you got ALL of these then that’s another story. 

      • cyan

        thanks :) even though as mentioned above, the first sign is probably enough. but sometimes it’s just so hard to give up on something or someone important. love sucks, sometimes. 

      • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

        Keep trying, you never know =)

      • http://www.facebook.com/reeves.tash Natasha Reeves

        That’s what I am wondering. There are a smattering of these I can relate to. But not nearly half. What then?

      • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

        Maybe time to evaluate? 

      • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee ~ JAMIE (//∇//)

        Maybe time to evaluate? 

  • guest

    11. They’re never genuinely sorry. Even when they do apologize, they still try to convince you they were right.
     

    …..and they do it in such a way that you wish you never brought it up in the first place.

  • Anonymous

    I think the first sign is enough?

  • Casey

    Ugh. I had a boyfriend that was all of these rolled into one plus he had no job, no car, no license to drive even if he had a car, no high school diploma….and an uber controlling hellcat of a mother. I got away from that miserable excuse of a human and two years later, met my wonderful now-fiance who exhibits none of those traits. 

    • DCDenise

      How did someone like that ever become your “boyfriend” in the first place. Wow!!

  • Julia

    Thank you! People always question why I broke up with my boyfriend because he was “nice” but I felt so many of these smaller, subtler things and it makes me feel better

  • EZE

    #8… I actually had an ex tell me “I just don’t really care” when I was trying to explain my post-college plans to him. That finally led me to  realizing that  ”the thought of a future with them feels like collapsing on the couch and never moving again. Also a bad joke. Also impending doom.” and eventually… he broke up with me. 

  • Ashley

    Sounds like a freakin nightmare

  • Anonymous

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure one of these is enough of a reason to walk away. All of them together is abuse.

  • DCDenise

    12. Always beware of the “momma’s boy”

  • Sophia

    a full SEVEN of these apply to my last relationship. thanks for spelling out for me why it didn’t work out.

  • Guest

    my ex never made eye contact with me when we were out to dinner. pissed me off beyond belief. i would get mad, we would fight, and then i felt guilty for getting mad over something like eye contact. that kind of thing is subtle, but important. fuck relationships.

  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    These all apply to one person I dated. When someone builds a time-machine first thing I’ll do is travel back ten years and give myself this list.

  • Noelle

    my two last boyfriends… never been in another seriously relationship since. or yet.

  • http://twitter.com/shoshkabob Shosh

    Except #1 is how I feel with every person to exist on the planet because I’m inarticulate and the way I think is kind of odd. But I get that… had it even worse with my ex. Not a fun time.

  • Somebodythatyouusedtoknow

    #21. You know not to date this person after finding out they are already in a relationship with someone else.

    #22. If this person can not sit down and have a mature conversation about issues that have been brought up. Instead of being offended, tossing shit into a fan, or saying rude things they don’t mean, why not just be more understanding?

    #23. If they point the finger at someone else being crazy or a horrible date, and not being able to analyze their own flaws. Is it wrong to walk in your own shoes for a day without your ego held high over your head?

    #24. If this person on the first/second date decides to grope you or make other sexually explicit passes on you, then decides to tell YOU you’re moving too fast.

    #25. If they only allow a 15 minute or less span on replying back to a text message. If you haven’t replied back yet, look out. You will hear about it.

  • Michelle Pettenato

    Amen to #5.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    What does it mean if you secretly wish your girlfriend were Zac Efron? 

    • Anonymous

      It means you prefer your gals with a lot of make up and high pitched voices.

  • bep

    thank you for this!
    started talking to a guy who LOVES the sound of his own voice, not so interested in mine. still kinda thought i might be into it.  now i know, not so much.

    • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

      Definitely don’t waste your time. I just spent the last few months devoting the majority of my time and emotional energy to someone who would talk my ear off about everything going on in his life – past/present/future – but very rarely would inquire about mine unless it was directly relevant to something he was considering at the moment. At the time, I just dismissed his lack of interest as him being caught up in the hectic things he’s been sorting out, but now that he’s cut me off completely with very little sign of remorse, I realize that it was, in fact, a lack of interest. Not being busy or distracted or frazzled or anything else. He really just didn’t particularly care, and even if he didn’t mean it maliciously, the bottom line is that he wasn’t interested enough to hear what I had to say.

      Save your words for someone who wants to hear them!

    • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

      Definitely don’t waste your time. I just spent the last few months devoting the majority of my time and emotional energy to someone who would talk my ear off about everything going on in his life – past/present/future – but very rarely would inquire about mine unless it was directly relevant to something he was considering at the moment. At the time, I just dismissed his lack of interest as him being caught up in the hectic things he’s been sorting out, but now that he’s cut me off completely with very little sign of remorse, I realize that it was, in fact, a lack of interest. Not being busy or distracted or frazzled or anything else. He really just didn’t particularly care, and even if he didn’t mean it maliciously, the bottom line is that he wasn’t interested enough to hear what I had to say.

      Save your words for someone who wants to hear them!

  • Melissa

    Was nice to read a list that wasn’t a bunch of jokes. Thanks for actually putting 2o signs. 

  • its-a-yetti

    Actually, for some people, I think #4 could go either way. My boyfriend hates most of my family, and I’m completely okay with it cause I hate them too.

  • Ghgh

    wow 14/20 .. i already knew this  tho. its just so hard to get out

  • Peach

    I immediately answered NO to all of those. But, somehow, I moved for nine months to another country and he broke up with me. So you should include “21. They are not willing to maintain a relationship with you if you are not within a 50 mile radius because they immediately assume you are going get laid with everyone who looks at you”… Or something. S**t.

  • Guest

    #2 and #17, preach. Plus reverse #15 but without the ‘kind’. Such a crucial little quality to look for, kindness. I now know never to accept anything less.

  • Jane Doe

    are all this points in the same person?? jeezz! I’ve seen some of them, unfortunatly, i’ve done some of them too… but all in one? wow

  • Anonymous

    1, 2, 5, 7, 11, 12, 17, 19. thanks for holding up the mirror on my “relationship;” i needed this list right now. next up: some me-time, then on to the next one!

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