20 Positions It Sucks To Be Put In
1. Having someone request your assistance opening a tightly screwed lid and feeling tremendous amounts of pressure to deliver or face heaps of humiliation.
2. Running into a person you’re attracted to but having to pretend like you don’t remember specific details about them, because for some odd reason society associates outstanding memory with creepers.
3. Wanting to drink orange juice but being within an hour of having brushed your teeth and unwilling to risk tasting the atrocious toothpaste + O.J. combo.
4. When a person gets a speckle of spit on you while they’re talking and you debate whether or not you should wipe it off while they’re looking directly at you.
5. When a friend wants your honest opinion of their subpar work. Especially when it’s regarding food and you’re forced to put your taste buds at risk.
6. Thinking of a great point mid-conversation, but by the time you get an opportunity to speak, the topic of discussion has changed, forcing you to decide if you should create a segue back to the previous subject or let your little nugget of brilliance die.
7. When you’re driving and a cop pulls up behind you, makes every turn you make and follows the exact same path you’re taking while you constantly glance in the rear view mirror, wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll go away.
8. When one person asks you for a piece of gum but you know that fully exposing an entire pack will open the flood gates for other moochers to ask for one as well.
9. Pouring a bowl of cereal and dousing it in milk, only to find that there are no clean spoons.
10. Being asked by your boss to stay late at work or even worse, to come in on a day off.
11. Making purchases with the knowledge that your total is thisclose to your current account balance and over drafting is potentially looming.
12. Being the middle person in a “Human Centipede.”
13. Walking into a jam-packed movie theater and being the unlucky person in charge of deciding where you and your guest(s) will be seated.
14. Knowing that a friend of yours is cheating on another friend of yours. TIP: 99.99% of the time, this won’t end well for you regardless of what you do. Decide which friend you like better and be prepared to side with them when the poop inevitably hits the fan.
15. Making the mistake of accidentally wearing red when you go shopping at Target.
16. Arriving at your destination as soon as a song you love begins playing on the radio, then debating listening to said song in its entirety or going on about your business.
17. Giving a courtesy laugh to a joke that you didn’t comprehend and then being asked “Do you get it?”
18. Being the passenger in a vehicle with a driver who listens to Soulja Boy’s “music.”
19. Being one of the last people to go in a group ice breaker. Sure it’s probably something simple, like your name & a hobby, but watching everybody else go first makes it that much more nerve racking.
20. Watching a movie with your family and arriving at a sex scene that contains an uncomfortable amount of nudity. WARNING: Do not, I repeat DO NOT watch the Halle Berry film, Monster’s Ball within a five mile radius of your family. It contains the single most excruciatingly long, awkward sex scene I’ve ever seen (super uncomfortable when Grandma’s on the couch next to you).
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