19 Ways To Break Up With Someone

Jul. 24, 2012

By January Nelson info

January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ...

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1. Via text message, because email is way too personal and emotional for you.

2. Throwing a brick through their window with “SORRY” written on it in blood.

3. Not doing anything, and waiting for them to just find out that you’re sleeping with someone else through the grapevine, like a true gentleman and scholar.

4. Hooking up with their sibling.

5. Mass email, so as to leave no stone unturned.

6. Skywriting. And make sure to put the little heart with the arrow through it at the end.

7. Waiting until you’ve hidden all of the good DVDs in the collection for yourself and then breaking the news before they have a chance to raid the apartment.

8. Face-to-face, with respect and maturity, conscient of what the two of you had together — LOL JK

9. By telling the most gossipy friend you have that it’s over, and letting nature run its course.

10. Becoming progressively more of an asshole until they are forced, through frustration and exhaustion, to break up with you. You get to be the good guy!

11. Moving to another state without warning.

12. Cry, and don’t stop crying until they leave the room permanently.

13. Tell them you don’t really get why people like The Wire so much.

14. Over the Jumbotron at their favorite team’s homegame — to be accompanied with that “EVERYBODY DANCE NOW” song.

15. Written in a note that is then baked inside some kind of elaborate chocolate dessert, à la an engagement ring.

16. Throwing all of their clothes out of the window which, I have to say, has always looked awesome.

17. Tell them your company is relocating you and then just… never move.

18. Take them to an expensive restaurant and break up with them over dinner. When they begin to make a scene — and oh, they will — retract your resignation, take them home, and sleep with them one last time. Then end it in the morning because, obviously.

19. Tell them you’re enrolling in a witness protection program and that you can’t get into the details because your very life depends on quietly running away like a little bitch. TC mark

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  • F.R.

    #8 hahahah “LOL JK”

  • http://twitter.com/#!/laireni Lauren

    number 10 = my life right now. fuck me.

    • Katie

      girl, me too.

  • SuperMario

    saw this in a buzzfeed post once and still think it would be the best way to break up with someone: run up to your significant other and say “well it’s not you…” *puts on moustache* “it’s ME! MARIO!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/michellerows Michelle Garcia

      Hahaha! Totally going to do that one day.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/19-ways-to-break-up-with-someone-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment [...]

  • http://iliketomyork.wordpress.com estivalpoet

    Why have I never seen this before? Oh god.

  • http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.wordpress.com stilllearning2b

    My husband (now ex) did #1,7, and 11. Oh, and he emptied the accounts and committed bigamy. I think he deserves an award for the worst break-up method.

    • H

      Sounds like a turd, good riddance!!

      • http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.wordpress.com stilllearning2b

        Pretty much sums it up:)

  • Anna

    3 and 10. Fuck him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amrita.tapadia Amrita Tapadia

    hahaha 3 & 10 – Hate his guts >_<

  • http://pocketdoppler.com/2012/07/25/daybreak-doppler-oh-yeah-that-thing-called-the-olympics-start-this-week-too/ Daybreak Doppler: Oh Yeah, That Thing Called the Olympics Start This Week Too | PocketDoppler.com

    [...] Should you be thinking about this, here are 19 Ways To Break Up With Someone. [...]

  • Boolio

    20. TELL HER THAT BECAUSE OF YOUR NEW RELIGION, BOOLISM, YOU CAN ONLY DATE WOMEN WHO WILL EAT AN ENTIRE RAW TROUT EVERY DAY. IT WILL BE A MATTER OF MINUTES BEFORE SHE SHREDS YOUR SOUL :(

  • http://scorpionsandlaces.wordpress.com scorpionsandlaces

    Reblogged this on Scorpions, Laces and Ribbons.

  • NightShiftNurse

    I always use the “Its not you, its me” style. Always hard for men to accept. But I justhave to be honest that Im not happy with the relationship anymore.

  • http://twitter.com/marilordello Mariana Lordello (@marilordello)

    My friend and her boyfriend travelled together , and they stayed in a wonderful and expensive hotel… It was supposed to be a ”honey moon trip’’ or something like that but in the last day, when they were packing to come back home he broke up with her. I know….. people are so weird

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