19 Tips For Males In 2012
- Don’t expect women to dress for your boner. I do not get up in the morning hoping you’ll see my new pants and pop wood.
- Stop approaching women who are alone on the street. Stop hollering at women “from the passenger side of your best friend’s ride,” as TLC would say. When has this ever turned out well for you?
- I will send naked pictures to whoever I goddamn please. Or I won’t. That’s my choice. You as a man receiving those pictures should probably not forward them around if they are sent to you — like you are a, you know, decent human being with feelings and compassion and common sense.
- If you don’t want women to think all men are dicks because of a few knuckleheads, maybe let your friends know they shouldn’t be assholes to women. If you see something (a friend speaking derogatorily about women, etc.), say something. (“Hey, man. Come on. That’s not cool.”)
- Don’t pretend you’re a guy in a beer or yogurt commercial. You’re not stupid, incapable of emotion and communication or genetically predisposed to be neglectful. Contrary to movies and TV, men are usually well-rounded, functional people!
- Don’t expect your significant other to feel loved because you’re not going out with the boys on her account. She will not be waiting for you. She will hopefully be busy with her own friends, hobbies and interests outside of you. If you want her to know you really love her, might I suggest saying, “Hey babe. I love you.”
- Don’t be an asshole to female sports fans. They already feel marginalized and all they want is to sit back, maybe have a beer and watch their favorite teams just like you do. Just because they are female, doesn’t mean they can’t speak intelligently about players or stats. Don’t belittle them. They are already out of their element, sadly.
- It’s okay not to like sports or video games. It’s okay not to like action movies. It’s also okay to like those things. Turns out none of that stuff has a gender! I know. It’s crazy.
- We get it, you like cars (and football in several cases). Or not. Maybe you like baking and 90s hip hop. Maybe you like New Pornographers and Converse sneakers. Maybe you like gardening and politics. Maybe you’re a whole person and not a gender stereotype.
- Treat people as individuals with minds and hearts, and not just like a body to pick apart for things like stretch marks and nipple hair. Every girl in the world, even your mom, has one boob bigger than the other. This is normal.
- Do not expect that a woman’s actions are always in some deranged effort to “snag a man.” It’s best to not be willfully ignorant and assume women don’t ever do anything that isn’t about men.
- Try your very hardest to never rape anyone. If you see a girl wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her. If you see a girl walking alone, don’t rape her. If you see a girl at a club put her drink down and turn away from it, don’t rape her.
- If you base your expectations of women on Marisa Miller, just stop. Or find someone like Marisa Miller. No judgement here.
- Remember that you are a fully-formed human being with interests and experiences and not a cardboard cut-out doll from the back of GQ Magazine.
- Take as many photos while out with your friends as you want! Upload them all to Instagram and filter them to make them pretty. You’ll smile scrolling through them one day.
- Remember that any body type can be attractive. Some women are just naturally thin. It’s actually faux-feminist to say that only curvy women are “real” or “healthy.”
- Don’t neglect your girlfriend when she needs you. You’re her support and her other half. If she, similarly, is being emotionally distant and is not being supportive of you, either talk to her about it or don’t stick around. You deserve someone who cares and gives you the attention you need (regardless of gender)!
- STOP pitting women against each other. Stop comparing two women solely because they’re both women. It’ll be a lot easier for female friendships to form and then everyone will be happier!
- That Die Hard movie you’re about to watch? Yeah, Bruce Willis is going to fight some people, stop a bad guy from destroying the world and probably walk away from some explosions like a tough bad-ass. Look, now I just saved you four movies and the new one, A Good Day To Die Hard, coming out next year. Oh? That’s not why you enjoy watching a movie and I should probably just let you watch what you want like an adult? Okay.
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It’s unfortunate, but we’re creatures of habit and we’ll hold onto our convictions until we’re literally forced to stop.
You basically have to walk a perfect straight line at all times in Japan because if you veer off at any moment you will almost definitely get mashed by a Japanese lady on a mamabike with three kids strapped to it.
Come on people, as if other people’s choices of love affected you in the least. Penguins don’t pull this crap on fellow homosexual penguins.
3. You’ve searched Etsy or eBay for a cute and inexpensive fez.