19 Things You Say You’ll Do This Weekend But Never Do

1. Do a real, actual cleaning, where you get into the grimy corners that you’ve been daintily ignoring every time you pass a broom around the floor.

2. Get that French press/bike/new armchair/overpriced knick-knack that you’ve been talking about how much you need for the past six months.

3. Make an incredibly delicious-looking but tedious recipe you saw in a magazine/on Barefoot Contessa that one time.

4. Catch up on that amazing TV show everyone is talking about like it cured cancer or something.

5. Go to a god damn farmer’s market and get some of those unbelievably precious old-fashioned bottles of milk with the cream still on top.

6. Fully stock your kitchen so that every time you want to make a meal that requires more than pasta and water, you don’t have to make a trip to the grocery store.

7. Prepare and enjoy one of those adorable-looking cocktails served in mason jars that make up about 65 percent of Pinterest’s content.

8. Paint an “accent wall,” though you’re still not sure what that is, exactly.

9. Finally read that book you bought that you are almost positive will make you a smarter/more cultured person.

10. Fix a minor electrical problem that has been plaguing your apartment literally since you’ve moved in — especially that infernal low-battery smoke alarm beeper.

11. Make a dent in writing that novel that’s been living inside your head and making you feel like a procrastinating failure.

12. Get caught up on extra work you brought home from the office to be really on top of things next week. (Just kidding!)

13. Re-watch all of Arrested Development to emotionally prepare yourself for the upcoming film version.

14. Donate the roughly 50 percent of your clothes that you have not worn in at least a year but have held onto out of sentimental attachment/laziness.

15. Buy a blender. (Everyone knows that life is immediately improved 10-fold if you can start your day off with a fresh smoothie.)

16. Take up yoga, or at least just stretch a bunch.

17. Wear a scarf and go antiquing with your significant other, drinking pumpkin lattes and being generally insufferable.

18. Volunteer somewhere, doing philanthropic things, at some kind of charitable place.

19. Wake up early and get a good run in before the day starts. (LOLOLOLOL.)

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