15 People Who Deserve A Dirty Look
1. The inconsiderate individuals who you see exit a stall or use a urinal, then depart from the restroom without even glancing over at the sink. Non-hand washers turn the rest of us into obsessive-compulsive germaphobes who are fearful of touching anything in public.
2. In virtually empty movie theaters, full of unoccupied seats, lurks a dreadful soul. You’ll be isolated and comfy when someone decides to sit directly in your vicinity. Oh, and if you have your legs resting happily on the seat in front of you, then they’re guaranteed to hop in that spot. It’ll force you to remove your feet, and give the back of their head the stink eye for a hefty portion of the previews.
3. Subway Virgins. OK, so maybe this is just a lack of patience — but damn, have they seriously never been to Subway before? It’s frustrating to watch a person lose their sandwich ordering virginity, for two reasons. First, they are so bad at it. Watching them order a sandwich frustrates you, and you’d like to show ‘em how it’s done. Second, it takes them two years to complete an order.
4. Undersized dogs with Napoleon complexes (e.g. feisty Chihuahuas). They bark angrily at you as you walk by, as if they want to tear you apart. Like, seriously what’s your problem, you little, cute but obnoxious puppy? I don’t know if you consider dogs people, but this is an animal worthy of giving an annoyed glare to.
5. Drivers who lollygag at green arrows. Some of us have places to be! Are you unsatisfied with the hues and tones of this green arrow, so you’re lingering until the next one? You better hope I don’t end up next to you. I’ll turn my head, scrunch my eyebrows so hard, and give the dirtiest of looks! Will it matter to you? Probably not, but it’s really satisfying for some reason.
6. The person who stares. You may look up, make eye contact and think; I just caught them at the wrong moment. Then it’ll happen again. And again. And a few more times. Eventually, you’ll wonder what the hell they are so fascinated by? You grow self-conscious and consider that you may have a booger or something hideous on your face. Shortly after, that insecurity will turn into frustration. What the hell is this person staring for? Finally it becomes agonizingly uncomfortable, and they leave you no choice but to stare back dirtily so that they’ll look away, and creep out some other poor individual.
7. Any person who stands behind you while you’re using a computer. No — it’s not because I’m looking at inappropriate content, I just hate having you invading my personal bubble from the rear. Don’t read over my shoulder and don’t stand there like a creep, watching me browse the web.
8. Parents who don’t supervise or discipline their children. I have no kids, and I’m certain they’re really difficult to take care of. That being said, I wouldn’t have my children of the corn running around the grocery store causing chaos. Constantly we see kids touching stuff they shouldn’t be, getting in people’s way, and basically being little terrors. The worst instances are when a bratty child doesn’t get his or her way. They’ll bawl, kick and scream while their parents plead with them, or make unintimidating threats.
9. Sick people who cough or sneeze without covering. It’s disgusting. It’s rude. It’s inexcusable. This also goes for runny nose having individuals, who sniffle for hours, instead of blowing it. Along with a dissatisfied stare, these actions are worthy of a verbal lashing.
10. People who don’t know how to eat with manners. Smacking, chomping loudly, talking with their mouth full, etc. These are the same folks who tend to noisily pick their teeth making sucking sounds, and using sharp edged objects to clean in between — that aren’t toothpicks.
11. Jinx instigating folks who point out that something dreadful isn’t currently happening to you. They’ll make you knock on wood, and live cautiously. Phrases like, “Oh you’ve never been shot at?” or “Wow, you haven’t gotten a speeding ticket in years,” are prime examples of common jinx-er statements.
12. The student who extends everyone’s stay in class by asking a series of probing questions. Learning is good — it’s great actually; but not everyone wants to spend extra time holding discussions. Sometimes the best way to bring this person’s inquiries to a screeching halt is to make eye contact, and give them a stare so intimidating — it extinguishes their burning desire to be educated.
13. Bikers who want desperately to ride on the road, when there’s a perfectly functioning sidewalk right next to them. Apparently they’d prefer to be at a higher risk of accidentally getting hit, because they have a knack for being in the way. These people’s best friend is the nighttime runner, who wears dark clothing and runs in the middle of the road. Stealthy attire on evening jogs will eventually fulfill your death wish.
14. People with poor refrigerator etiquette. Eating all of something, but leaving the empty box, drinking directly out of a carton, leaving refrigerated items on the counter to spoil, etc. If this person is caught in the act, audible complaints will likely accompany the dirty look. If you want to be gentle, politely ask them to tell you all about the barn that they were raised in – then remind them that they’re now in a home.
15. The ill-mannered, opinionated jackass — who habitually talks throughout your television watching. This person will give some unwanted assessment of the show you’re viewing, and do so in a loud enough tone that you’ll miss crucial scenes.
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1 Three minutes spent in Subway is the equivalent to one year in real time.
2 Next time someone violates your person space from behind, do this:
3 Just for the record: We don’t care if it’s just allergies. Cover up, fool.
4 These are the same people who loudly slurp an empty drink through a straw, making that loud, loathsome noise. The drink is gone; get a refill, or move on. Hell, you can even wait for the ice to melt then have at it.
5 This goes for music opinions too. We truly couldn’t careless if you hate the band we’re currently listening too. Here’s a solution. Go away, so you don’t have to hear them and we don’t have to hear you.
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