10 Rules For Anyone With Facebook

Apr. 27, 2012

By Ryan O'Connell info

I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com

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I talk a lot about Facebook. I know honey but can you blame me? People spend more time with/on Facebook than they do with most of their friends. It has singlehandedly shaped the social lives of my peers. It’s the Charlie to all of our angels. And you know what? It deserves to get called out for its rude behavior. Facebook needs to get schooled and I’m about to send it to detention in the video below. Special thanks to my Virgin Mary, Gaby Dunn, and my baby babes, The Shining Twins for penning a song called “I Hate You” and letting me put it in the video. TC mark

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  • o.

    Oh no! People using the internet however they want to! A crime!

    Get over yourself. If you don’t like what people are posting on THEIR OWN FACEBOOK PROFILE, don’t look.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WQXSSKAMOU4WCHKCWYMUKKKNU Aladin Sane

      He ain’t telling people what to do. He’s telling people how stupid they look when they do what they want to do but really shouldn’t.

      • e.

         and why “shouldn’t” they? where exactly are these rules kept?

      • mya

        Well, I think when people post statuses like ”That awkward moment when your ex and his gf ask you to have a threesome with them…”, yeah it really shouldn’t be posted.

  • http://raymondthimmes.com/ Raymond Thimmes

    “Who is this for? Is it for your own pleasure? Because it’s actually making me miserable.” – best line.

  • T.

    PREACH!

  • GuestBF

    Someone’s really gotta teach this dude how to make air quotes. He just flails his hands. 

    • Anonymous

      Yikes, dude. See above. It’s the result of a car accident. Maybe think about your words?

      • HK

        A car accident resulted in him uncontrollably flailing his hands in the air?  Whoa.

  • Jess

    10. “Talk about how you hate Facebook but don’t ever delete Facebook”
    YES

  • Anonymous

    This…is so dumb.  Facebook is successful because it allows for people to do what they wish on their pages.  They can post what they want and hopefully interact with people who have similar interests.  If you don’t like that, unfriend them or block their posts.  They don’t have to stop doing what they’re doing because you’re not alright with it.

    • Duh

      True, they don’t have to stop what they’re doing. But, we will mercilessly mock them for their poor choices. 

      • Anonymous

         And, to be perfectly honest, I find that really sad.  Is there really nothing better to occupy your time with other than mocking others for what you guys deem to be poor etiquette?  I find the concept rather baffling.

    • Amanda

      you must post a lot of pictures of food…

      • Anonymous

         No, I don’t.  I’m not really sure why people post food to be honest, but I don’t question it either.  It’s not my wall nor my interest so I just pass it by without comment.  If anything, I post a lot of music and that may annoy people, but in the same token, it’s my wall so I can post what I want just like how someone who posts food can post what they want.  It’s their wall full of their interests.  Doesn’t mean I have to make a comment on it if I don’t like it.

      • yee

        dude we get the whole free country concept. it’s a JOKE. he obviously doesnt actually mean ‘omgziez if you do any of these things you should not be allowed on facebook. go die in a hole.’  People are allowed to make fun of the ridiculous behavior of other people on there. have you ever been on lamebook? do you really expect people to see that kind of stuff and go ‘well they are fully within their rights to say such things. They are utilizing facebook for its intended purpose of sharing and expressing our lives to others through an online database of pictures and status updates bla bla bla’ You think people are really going to ignore the fact that someone seriously felt the need to share with 500 other people that their cat was constipated. NO! we’re gonna make fun of it…

      • Anonymous

         Well that’s good for you, but for me that doesn’t work.  I treat my interaction with Facebook and the people on it as I would with someone in person.  I, myself, would not make fun of someone for what you just stated.  People do stupid things, but honestly so what?  Why should I waste my time at laughing at someone who did something stupid when there’s a whole lot more I could be doing with my time?

        She want’s to share about cat constipation?  Fine, she’s within her rights, but I won’t agree with the ridiculing of this person, the making fun of of this person, or finding amusement out of her need to overshare.  For me, it’s not right and I abide by that myself.  I never asked you to do the same.

        I stand by my opinion.  Sorry that you don’t seem to like that.

  • Maybeemily

    I accept this in place of hot or not. This is even more fun than before. 

  • Jackie Faith

    fb was made for creeping. just not creeping ex’s who dumped you. 

  • Nishant

    But stalking is why Facebook exists! Come on! :/

  • http://twitter.com/mitzyredmango Mitzy

    Want to delete Facebook account. Can’t. :/ 

  • Brandon h

    I have to learn those hand gestures. They are like manna from heaven. 

    Who knows, maybe then actual gay men will hit on me rather than “straight” closet cases.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathon-Ferrari/100001319787228 Jonathon Ferrari

    Yo Ricky Bobby, ‘the fucks going on with your hands?

    • Anonymous

      I’m gay. Also I got hit by a car and lost 50% of function in my left hand sooooooo

    • Anonymous

      Awkward. Maybe think before you ask someone about a disability like that, huh?

  • https://plus.google.com/u/0/104823831473876010792/posts Audrey Lynn

    Ew why are people negatively commenting this? You’re not cool for disagreeing. Ryan is spot on with all of his annoyances…if you disagree, you’re most likely someone who do all these annoying things.

    • Steve Dampman

      stalked.

  • JEReich

    This just solidifies my belief that Ryan O’Connell is the new, cuter Michael Musto.  I love this guy!

  • http://twitter.com/stevedampman steve dampman

    I can’t understand him … because his lazy eye is freaking me out …

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501809676 Francesca Filardo

    Stand up comedy + Ryan O’ Connell  = would probably be amazing.

  • Polofreak03

    can you stop putting pictures of yourself online? please?

  • Polofreak03

    its gross

  • http://twitter.com/birdieboots Kelsi D.

    Ryan, ten zillion points for the fact that you fucking exist. You say everything that I would say if I were funnier.

    Also, re: putting your relationship status on Facebook, I’m a fan of listing myself as “in a relationship” (thus being able to collect a bevy of “likes” and “omg finally!!!”s) publicly, and then, when the relationship goes to shit and we change our relationship status, just deleting the post. Simple. Everyone knows when I start dating someone new, but then NO ONE knows when I become single again. It makes me feel like a sorta-kinda enigma.

    • Guesting Testing

      Presumably everybody knows when you become single again because it no longer says ‘in a relationship’?

      • http://twitter.com/birdieboots Kelsi D.

        Well, duh. But not immediately, which is nice. Because, as the above video talks about, no one likes getting a bunch of frowny face and “omg what happened?!” and “do you want to talk about it?” comments from the peanut gallery right after breaking up.

        People generally keep their comments to themselves when there’s nothing to comment on, knowwhatimsayin’?

      • Guesting Testing

        It’s much easier to just not put anything than having to keep changing it all the time.  Unless of course you’re one of those “look at me, praise me for everything” people.  Everything that’s wrong with Facebook.

      • http://twitter.com/birdieboots Kelsi D.

        Sigh. I posted those comments in good fun. People are so serious around here.

    • cait

      omg lol u would totez be the kind of person I would ad of fb just to mock

  • http://www.about.me/tanyasalyers Tanya Salyers

    love the “with my boys getting buckwild, friday! friday!” part. bahahaha, happy to see these videos regularly posted!!

  • guest

    oh god number 9 is so true. 

  • Eatadick

    Rule #11: Don’t huff amyl nitrate before recording a video of yourself 

  • http://twitter.com/shallowechos TRES

    I totally wouldn’t mind you just making several videos a day.

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    gaby laughing in the background? lololol

  • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

    “AND TRUST ME IT WILL.”

    what is this feeling so sudden and new? i think i love you omg hehehjfb,shdbf,jhsbadljahbfahskdb

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