10 Most Awkward Things People Have Said To Me During Sex
“You know that Nietzsche quote, ‘When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you?’”
“There’s so much here that I like…it’s like a buffet.”
“You literally look like you want to kill yourself right now.”
“Okay, you clearly need some guidance; give me your laptop, let me show you a video.”
Mid-thrust: “Hey, I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.”
“We’re not fucking and we’re not making love. We’re just having sex.”
“See how she’s looking up at him while she’s doing it? That’s actually sexy — wait, where are you going? Okay, okay, I’m turning it off.”
“I think those Ethiopian guys are watching us.”
“Are you actually playing Tetris right now?”
“Do you think you could not roll your eyes right after I cum?”
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He holds my hand in his lap, looks me directly into the eyes and says, “I love you more than the amount of sperm a blue robin makes.”
Took my own braces off with nail clippers.
…So let’s go there.
It’s 2 A.M. and you find yourself in front of a fast food restaurant. The world spins, your stomach growls, and your heart beats. You’re drunk and hungry.