Why I Can’t Talk To The Person Who Knows Me Best

This is perfect. Thank you for writing this.

this is pretty beautiful

Beautifully written. Thank you for capturing it

This is especially refreshing because there are people I haven’t talked to in 164 days, but I just check their Facebook and I know more than I need to about their life. I guess it has it’s ups and downs, but I miss wondering.

this makes me sad.

this reads like a dramatically-written diary entry. it doesn’t float my boat and I don’t find it very compelling, but I guess I’m in the minority here.

Hear, hear.

i feel this.  you’ve nailed something so perfectly.  thank you.

Yes.  Yes. And Yes.

Life is too short. Call them! o.O

This is perfect. I went fourteen months without speaking to the person I know best and this is how I felt EVERY SINGLE DAY. We saw each other for the first time in fourteen months yesterday after I sent him a drunk Facebook message and it made everything so much more bearable.

Not that I’m advocating drunk Facebooking, but….

Heartbreaking

wtf is with the chorus of people who say these things are beautiful when all the writer did was hit all the “right” emotional touchstones

i mean i know you relate and all, but like a commenter below me said, this is cliche city and doesn’t really put a new spin on an incredibly familiar “i broke up w/ this dude but i still kinda miss him” story. It is, however, all SWPL’d up with references to vegetarianism and yoga and freelancing to really make the target audience go “omgshe’sjustlikeme”

for fuck’s sake. swallow ur fuckin ego up and go the fuck talk to him. don’t be ashamed to fuckin need other damn fuckin people. talk to him. stop torturing your pterodactylofucking self.

Show us what he/she does.  Use the doll if you want.

You’ve just inspired me to do something. Cheers for the wake up call!

do you miss me too?

Losing love hurts more than oral surgery, but suck it up.  Either deal with the pain or go have that sucker removed.  

This post is written through an entirely self-centered lens. I hope for his sake that he’s not counting; sounds like he’s better off without you.

After reading the whole thing, I still don’t know why you can’t talk to this person. All I know is what you don’t know about this person anymore. Misleading title there…

This is beautiful but seriously, just call him. Or just write him a letter. He’ll be happy to hear from you and it doesn’t have to be a big deal. And if you do, write another piece about how it went.

After nine years, my best friend – whom I mistakenly (?) thought was the love of my life – and I have now gone almost 75 days without speaking. I don’t think this is too cliche and I don’t think you’re milking this, because I know I’m not (I am high-functioning and happy, damnit), and this is exactly how I feel.

Thank you for writing this, and I know exactly how you feel. Or maybe I don’t. I know that he doesn’t count days, I know that he moves on easily and I hate it when he so ignorantly says, “Oh, Im not good with numbers nor dates.”

That was a really deuchey thing to say. Maybe you are just void of feelings and/or personal interaction with other people with feelings but clearly she is someone who has tried to get on with her life, but is still hurting.  I think it was beautifully written.  Maybe it is told through a “self-centered lens” but its her experience, so it should be.  And to everyone else negative about this piece, its not like her life has stopped and she is wallowing in self-pity. We have all been here at least once in our life before, so have some friggen compassion. We do not know the story, maybe he did something she cannot forgive and that’s why she hasn’t talked to him, even though she wants to.  

After nearly 8 years with my ex, we stopped talking completely when he moved out (July 2009).  It was the worst.  Waking up in the middle of the night feeling so alone. The littlest things could trigger the deepest lonliness. He was from Boston (still is, I guess).  When Ted Kennedy died I wanted to talk to him about it.  I wondered who he was talking about this with.
I don’t feel this way anymore. What helped? Friends.  New friends.  Old friends.  Stronger friends. And time.

I think you are both being “deuchey” because you don’t realize that there are two sides to every story and each of you is only looking at one side. Not only that, but you can’t even see the entire side of the story that you’re defending. Ergo, you’re both dumbasses.

I’m sorry, I know this is supposed to be all emotional and stuff, but I could not finish reading it. I got halfway through the “You don’t know” paragraph before I felt like never hearing those three words again. And then the next was “I don’t know.” I mean, come on, if every sentence in two paragraphs straight begins with the same phase, it cannot be considered “beautifully written.” I’m sure it’s very touching. You get an A for emotion. Just work on the writing skills if you want to improve as a writer. Be less repetitive.

ugh. so deep, i’m drowning. really though.

You actually wont like this article if you havent been in same situation. I am and i think its awesome.

You don’t know these things because five months ago I walked away and
you didn’t chase after me. You didn’t chase after me because I told you
not to. You didn’t call. You didn’t write. And, apparently, we made a
mutual decision to stop talking at all. —— This is the part that rang true to me. I could relate to this. You tell someone not to and they literally take you at your word and don’t call you or talk to you. It’s what you wanted, right? NOT REALLY. But you say it because you love them and care about them and don’t want to hurt them even though you are hurting inside. It’s like reverse psychology… you tell them not to call or chase after you, hoping they would do the opposite, hoping they miss you as much as you miss them. But they win the battle of the heart, don’t they?

boring boring boring

       I read this in it’s entirety, have never experienced a situation like this, and I think it’s beautiful. Writing doesn’t always have to follow the same guidelines. Some people write with their only intent being to make people feel something.When a persons writes like that, the way they feel they are “supposed” to write fades away. I appreciate any piece of writing that is genuine and honest. But I guess sometimes people would rather see “Well-written” bullshit than someone pouring their heart out with something raw and human. I’m all about trying to help fellow writers improve and grow, some people on here are way too patronizing. If you’re not a writer, then it’s hard for your judgements to be justified. If you are, then you should understand how damn hard it is to be a writer, how each writer writes in the way that works and feels best for them, and that they know they need to improve, because they are always on the pursuit of improvement.   Sometimes people who comment on Thought Catalog post way too much ignorant, judgmental, and negative shit. Unless you’re actually trying to help someone improve how they write, refrain from saying anything. End of frustrated rant.

          I thought this was written beautifully. Some people write with the sole intent to make others feel something. Writing isn’t meant to be something done conventionally and with strict guidelines. I guess some people would rather read “Well-written” bullshit then something raw and human. Sometimes people on Thought Catalog post way too many ignorant, petty, and negative comments. A person’s writing is sacred to them, it contains their innermost thoughts and feelings. You stomping all over that is just nasty and unnecessary. If you’re genuinely trying to help someone improve their writing, then go right ahead. But people need to stop with the idiotic comments. If you’re not a writer, then you don’t get it- so stop imposing your unneeded “wisdom” on something you don’t fucking understand. I’m just tired of it.

this is exactly what is happening in my mind right now. thank you. 

SWPL’d. 

First, don’t try to restrict my free speech. I will post as I please. Second, I was not once patronizing. I merely gave a piece of advice that repitition is not a good writing technique. I have no problem with people pouring their hearts out. I know exactly how hard it is. But I also appreciate revision, thought about the audience and their experience in reading these words, and to see that someone cares enough about their words to use them carefully. And I know that as a writer you want people to have the best experience possible in reading what you have to say, so I do think writing well is important. I never said that being emotional isn’t important. In fact, I complimented that aspect of the work. But now that that aspect is fully worked, you need to also work on writing it well. You can’t just assume that criticism isn’t meant to be constructive. People on the internet assume they know people’s motives too much.

how come everyone here is like sucked into a vortex where they’re a 15 year old on xanga for life

i read this and had to do a double-take, so of course i will… thoroughly critique the anti-critique position:
-”I thought this was written beautifully.”ok. that’s a brute assertion, not a reason. it’s like a reassuring chant; the word “beautiful” is being waved around like some healing talisman to validate the catharsis of writer-girl up there cause it sounds so nice and kinda deep-”Some people write with the sole intent to make others feel something.”such a problematic sentence… “_sole_ intent” implies a focused, unitary goal, while “make others feel _something_” conversely implies something general and unspecific. and later you go on to talk as if there are certain reactions to (one might say “feelings engendered by”) the work that are not ok, which i’m sure you can see is an issue. if the only purpose of the writing in question is to provoke feeling, and you’re singling out certain feelings as bad/unacceptable, then… are you on your own side? anyway, if some people write with such an aim as what you’ve described, i think they’re lame. i mean it’s also possible that you meant “feel something (in particular),” but of course that’s just the negative image of the same lame idea-”Writing isn’t meant to be something done conventionally and with strict guidelines.” are you talking about writing or like, some sort of special Writing type thing? cause the former yeah, is often meant to be done according to certain conventions, often follows guidelines, often to great acclaim. the latter, prob doesn’t exist…-”I guess some people would rather read “Well-written” bullshit then something raw and human.”false dichotomy. way false dichotomy. rawness and humanity does not emanate from kitschy prose somehow, wtf -”Sometimes people on Thought Catalog post way too many ignorant, petty, and negative comments.”yeah; ignorant in regard to the concepts you deploy, petty in choice of battleground (a mediocre 4-paragrapher), and negative in regard to the very _possibility_ of literary criticism i guess-”A person’s writing is sacred to them, it contains their innermost thoughts and feelings.”what.-”You stomping all over that is just nasty and unnecessary.”it is not just nasty and unnecessary, it’s also many other things, such as informative, and writing-”If you’re genuinely trying to help someone improve their writing, then go right ahead.” but there’s no axis upon which this improvement could proceed!-”But people need to stop with the idiotic comments. If you’re not a writer, then you don’t get it- so stop imposing your unneeded “wisdom” on something you don’t fucking understand.” rather than get into what makes someone a “writer” in the relevant (non)sense, I’ll just say that it’s certainly not a property bestowed  upon you as soon as you write something that’s like, not for school… or whatever the fuck this means about not “fucking understand[ing].” quite sure everyone writes and reads in this cohort, or else we wouldn’t be here.-”I’m just tired of it.”i never get tired of it, more fun that way

way to not format my post, POS

You are wonderful, Laura. Don’t call him – keep on writing – and in another 164 days it’ll be better.

You’re not alone…

“You don’t know these things because five months ago I walked away and
you didn’t chase after me. You didn’t chase after me because I told you
not to. You didn’t call. You didn’t write. And, apparently, we made a
mutual decision to stop talking at all. ”

NO, it wasn’t mutual at all! You’re the one who made the decision to walk away.  It is due to your lack of emotional maturity that you would put any baggage on a person for not chasing you AFTER you tell them not to. That is not healthy. That’s playing childish games, and he should be glad to be rid of your controlling, manipulative bullshit.

Your writing is beautiful. Please pay no attention to any comments from people who think they can know you and believe they have the right to analyze you and give you advice.

I enjoyed reading this. It was saddening and comforting at the same time. Thank you.

Send him this. What have you got to lose?

Also, what’s up with all the rude, pointless comments on TC lately? Constructive criticism is one thing, but some of you are just assholes. Most of the writers on this site are young and maybe just starting out their writing careers. Of course not everything is going to be perfect. I just don’t see the point of leaving a comment to say that a piece “sucked” or “sounded like a diary entry” with no mention of how the author could improve.

they could improve by not sounding like a tween girl’s diary entry

in the coming years remembering this angst may feel embarassing to you. i sincerely hope it does. you might regret that you behaved so foolishly as to tell someone not to speak to you, then are so surprized when they don’t. sounds like you would bite off your nose to spite your face. this wasn’t love, this was you trying to manipulate another person. it didn’t work. take your licks, and your lesson and move on.

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing is the same

yeah sometimes writing is just bad though. this is corny cliched overwrought teenage girl drama bullshit. you don’t get a trophy just for playing

This is actually one of the most accurate and heart-wrenching articles about breaking up that I’ve read.  Just because you can’t relate to the author’s POV doesn’t mean you’re one to tell her whether or not she was in love.

My god, you know nothing about her life, where do you get off being so judgemental?

Just because you don’t see any value in a tween girl’s diary entry doesn’t mean that others don’t.

interesting

really heartbreakingly sad but true. It’s often a tragedy to lose people, even though you sometimes have to.

Dude, you don’t need to know everything about her life to know that she made a stupid decision. We know the things she said: “I walked away” “You didn’t chase after me because I told you not to.” I mean, it’s kind of obvious when part of your plan involves the other person somehow reading your mind to realize that they’re not supposed to do what you told them you wanted them to do… it’s not a good plan. So unless she has something else to reveal like “oh, btw, this guy can read minds,” what else about her life would possibly make that a good decision?

Way to try to limit the author’s understanding of how people perceive her writing. It’s important to look at all feedback about something to understand what might have been miscommunicated to make people disagree, in order to learn what to do differently or the same next time. Don’t try to devalue others opinions just because you don’t agree with them.

And just because some people find value in these kinds of things doesn’t mean everyone will. And people with disagreements have just as much of a right to post as someone with agreements. What makes the comment “what beautiful writing” any more valid than “what crappy writing.” Expression of opinions should never be discouraged.

Why are you assuming that this person can’t relate? I can certainly relate, yet I agree with what bones said. I remember being younger and more naive and thinking that telling someone to not come after you should somehow make them know that they’re supposed to come after you. And now that I’ve learned more about the world and I know that that’s not how things work whatsoever, I’m able to grow. So we can only hope that this author will also learn about the world so that she doesn’t continue making that mistake.

Weird, maybe I didn’t read the article the way it was intended, but I didn’t see this as being a break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, it sounded like a best friend to me.

yeaah..this isn’t a movie.  You can’t have a huge fight with your boyfriend and then tell him to leave you alone forever, in hopes that he will come back sometime with some grand gesture. 

hey maybe it’ll work this time:

-”Send him this.”

that’s a terrible idea.

-”What have you got to lose?”
her ex’s possible goodwill after he sees this and thinks “wtflmao”here’s what i take her to be saying:1. Events in my life have caused me to feel lost/stressed/sad. I haven’t talked to you since we broke up, and I want to talk to you because that’s what I used to do when i felt bad. 2. You don’t know a lot of the things that have happened to me since I broke up with you, and I assume that this is because you were ok with it.3. There’s a lot of things I don’t know about the current you either, and you may have just gone on with your life, not thinking about me nearly as much as I do about you.4. I still get the impulse to call you, and in particular I want to know if you think about me as much as I think about you. However, I can’t talk to you because [???] … [profit!].i mean if he has in fact gotten over her we can all agree this isn’t gonna help. and if he has not gotten over her, i suspect it would still weird him out. the innuendo in the last sentence can be interpreted myriad ways by an outsider, but the recipient would likely have some idea(s) what she means. i doubt this would be a good thing.”Also, what’s up with all the rude, pointless comments on TC lately?” 

lately?

“Constructive criticism is one thing, but some of you are just assholes.” 

and some of us are assholes giving constructive criticism

“Most of the writers on this site are young and maybe just starting out their writing careers.” 

young writers and beginning writers can write very engaging stuff, this doesn’t engage me at all. the bulk of it is just a litany of data presented in a really simple format, but embedded with the conceit that the writing is more dramatic and alive if she writes “i don’t know” at the beginning of every sentence. melodramatic maybe

“Of course not everything is going to be perfect.” 

nothing’s going to be, actually

“I just don’t see the point of leaving a comment to say that a piece “sucked” or “sounded like a diary entry” with no mention of how the author could improve.”

the former has the same point as calling the piece “beautiful,” so yeah, not much, though that makes it more harmless than anything. but the latter is a thicker concept, in that it’s quite possible to reflect on diary-writing and understand which aspects of the piece were being referred to, take them into account. and maybe reflect on them and decide to change your approach somehow, in a way causally entangled with the information given. but yeah it’s hard to do that with “sucked”

It is absolutely appropriate that this article’s headline was under a photo of Seattle. 

it doesn’t even have to be because of a breakup here.

http://www.iloveushopping.com

Saying  ”You get an A for emotion.” is not a patronizing phrase in the least. I’m pulling myself out of this argument. You guys are exhausting. I’m just one of those people who tries to defend good in the world, like people being genuine, compassionate and kind. But I know that it’s easier and more normal to do things in the harsh way. Really, I get it. I just don’t believe in it. I’m going to go try and spread some positivity in this world through my writing, and you guys can argue and critique and do whatever you want on here. I truly wish you all happiness.

why is repetition not a good technique?

I sent this to mine. We will see what comes of it.

Good luck!

Some of the stuff on this site just hurts me when I read it.  I couldn’t help but see the person who I am in this exact situation with’s face the entire time.  A lot of the specifics are different but I had my own versions of the hangover sandwich place, the trip to India, all the things that have happened since we stopped talking.  How she asked me to stop talking to her…wow.

This hurt to read.

 Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but when I read this I assumed you told the person to stop talking to you because you needed to stop talking to them. You wanted them to come after you, but you needed them to stay away, in which case the want for them doesn’t go away just because you have the understanding that the need for them doesn’t exist. 
Like falling in love with the wrong person. You say ‘stay away from me’ because you know they are bad for you, even though in your heart your screaming ‘come back!’ 
I think the criticism that she was being manipulative is mostly unfounded. To me this sounds like a battle between head and heart, not a melodramatic plea from a manipulative whiner. 
Who knows…
I’ve never been in love. 
It sounds absolutely terrible though, so I’m  not sorry for that. 

oddly enough, i landed on this page through stumbleupon and when i read it, i couldn’t help thinking i wrote this. i’m a straightforward person and i told my best friend something so similar to this. what’s even more weird is that my friend moved to washington and now lives in seattle because of college and he had a sister too. i always thought i was the only person who goes through this kind of stuff, but now i know i’m not alone.

you need to relax. looks like you need to stop devaluing others opinions, as you have on almost every comment.

Hi psycho, back again? Great. I’m not trying to restrict your “freedom of speech rights” but you really need to get over yourself. He said something hurtful, I was defending her as a human being, not her story. But you obviously couldn’t see that because you were too busy  trolling Thought Catalog trying to piss people off by writing heinous things and then liking your own comment for good measure.