Ways That Dating Is Like Various Types Of Addictions

Alcohol. At its best, dating can make you feel all warm and fuzzy, happy, uninhibited, giggly, etc. At its worst, dating can make you puke, lose all your money, get fat, and make a fool out yourself in public. Luckily, dating won’t damage your liver (at least not directly).

Gambling. Even when you’re down, you’ve just. got. to. try. one. more. time. Perhaps you’ve managed to amass 48 whole hours of giving them the cold shoulder, and they are clearly upset about it. You have a firm upper hand. But no! You’re willing to risk it all, let your guard down and talk to them, because, you know, maybe it will totally pay off! (The house always wins, my friend.)

Drugs (uppers). OMG you’re on top of the world! Holy shit! Everything is amazing! Your life has never been better! And then the second it’s over, you want to kill yourself, you don’t leave your bed for 14 hours, you can’t eat, and you have such bad anxiety you promise never to go out again.

Drugs (downers). Everything seems super mellow and deep. The lyrics to every song speak directly to your personal life, and everything your companion says to you goes straight to your soul. Everything appears way more complex, beautiful, and important than it actually is. Then the next morning you feel super dumb, like you’ve lost at least five IQ points, and you hope no one you respect finds out what you did.

Sex. Some people have sex addictions cuz they, you know, have a compulsive need for sex. Some people just crave power. Some people have psychological issues that make them allow themselves to be used. These are all reasons that people casually date.

Video games. It starts fun. Really fun! So fun that you probably spend too much time thinking about and doing it. Oops now you’re hooked, and you’ve stopped caring about sleep, hygiene, etc. because your thoughts are totally consumed. See also: living in a fantasy land.

Food. You need food to survive. You probably also need some kind of positive human interaction to survive. What you don’t need is an entire package of Oreos and three liters of orange Fanta. You also don’t need to be a total whoreface womanizer.

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