Things You Must Stop Doing Once You Turn 25

Aug. 31, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

Ryan O’Connell is a 25 year-old writer based in the East Village, New York.

Read more »

I’m turning 25 in two days, which makes me feel old only because I’ve been raised in an ageist society. As I get older, I actually do start to realize that “young” is a relative term. At fifteen, I shuddered at the thought of turning this age. I would’ve presumed my life to be over. No drinking, no going out, no fun! You’re a serious 25-year-old now! Today, I feel like as long as people still gasp and tell me, “Oh my god, you’re still a baby!” when I tell them my age at parties, I can still be considered young. So please never stop pinching my cheeks, you devilish thirtysomethings.

People typically like to celebrate getting older by getting wasted and sobbing in public. That’s not really my style though. I’m more of a “Let’s make an unrealistic list of the things I should stop doing once I’ve reached a certain age” kind of guy. I just love to set myself up for failure, you know? It’s sort of like my annual birthday gift to myself. Anyway, here’s my list. Anyone under the age of 25 should take heed and anyone over the age of 25 should start judging themselves.

When I turn 25, I should stop being shocked by the fact that my peers are getting married. Proclaiming yourself husband and wife in your mid-twenties doesn’t completely read as a colossal mistake. It’s more of like a 30% mistake and 70% “Oh my god, young married couple. That’s kind of cute!” I can still be annoyed though. People always reserve the right to be annoyed when others find love before them, duh!

When I turn 25, I should start “owning” my flaws rather than burying them under the rug that I purchased at IKEA. It’s what Jill Zarin from The Real Housewives Of New York does. She always says, “I’m a no good, very bad, terrible person…but I own it!” That sounds so freeing and adult—becoming an owner of your shortcomings as opposed to being a non-commital renter. I’m too poor to own a house at 25 but I will earn just enough to own the fact that I’m a Virgo emotional control freak! Yay. It should also be noted that getting older means modeling your life after Jill Zarin’s.

When I turn 25, I should stop saying no to that glass of wine at 3pm and start saying “Hey girl hey!” I’ve heard that getting older is a bitch and one must have several glasses of wine a day just to get through it. Being casually day drunk in your mid-twenties doesn’t hold such a stigma as it does when you’re, say, 24. You go from being a potential alcoholic who everyone is silently judging to being someone who just gets it.

When I turn 25, I should stop smiling at people who I would much rather kick in the eye. I really think Morrissey was on to something there. The other day while I was on the bus to Provincetown, a woman asked me if I could reach over and plug in her charger. I pretended to be asleep because I didn’t want to deal with it. Is that insane? It was the first time I’ve ever done something like that but I felt really grown up afterwards. I finally gave into my secret fantasy of being a giant asshole in public and it felt damn good. I’ve never smoked a cigarette but I imagine the feeling to be comparable to a post-coital cigarette and a slice of chocolate cake. Pure heaven. I’m still not ready to send something back at a restaurant though. I’m shooting for that to be included on the “The Things You Should Stop Doing When You’re 33″ list.

Actually, the final and most important thing I should stop doing when I turn 25 is making these stupid lists. I should stop having such an emotional attachment to age and just be who I am and do the things I do and stop putting myself in situations where I know I will feel bad about myself! Uh, and by “I”, I meant “you” obviously. Bunch of age-obsessed freaks! What’s the matter with you?! TC mark

You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

image – gotbrimmed

Tagged , , , , ,

Bookmark and Share

61 Comments

Add Yours »

Cataloged in

Text Size:

A | A | A

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    Repeat after me: “There’s a hair in my salad! Ugh!”

  • indi

    casual day drunk is even better when you hit 29.

  • Thtsmyrugbystik

    Loved your astro reference, Morrissey plug, and the fact that you make lists!  I’m looking forward to when my afternoon wine becomes age appropriate (25 in 3 months, woo (?)).

  • Guest

    Clicked on article. Saw that it was written by Ryan O’Connell. Made this comment. Intending to now close article without reading it.

  • Ryan O’Connell

    Thanks for the traffic, beb!

  • just sayin

    Ryan, I actually like some of your pieces, and I feel I would like a lot more of them if 80 percent weren’t:

    “10 Things A Twenty-Something Can’t Do But Kind Of Can But Only Before/After 25 Beb!”

    Come on.

  • brononymous

    Nice ‘Happy Birthday’ troll

  • brononymous

    Nice ‘Happy Birthday’ troll

  • http://twitter.com/bybeautydamned Maria Carreon

    This is the worst list I’ve ever read.  At the oooold age of 32 I would still plug in someone else’s charger.  And at the yoooung age of 19, I wasn’t afraid to send something back at a restaurant.  I like a lot of the posts on this site, but this one thoroughly missed the mark.  If it had at least made me laugh, I would forgive you, but it didn’t so much as muster a chuckle beneath all of the phlegm that has built up in my throat in the eons that I’ve been alive.

  • http://twitter.com/bybeautydamned Maria Carreon

    This is the worst list I’ve ever read.  At the oooold age of 32 I would still plug in someone else’s charger.  And at the yoooung age of 19, I wasn’t afraid to send something back at a restaurant.  I like a lot of the posts on this site, but this one thoroughly missed the mark.  If it had at least made me laugh, I would forgive you, but it didn’t so much as muster a chuckle beneath all of the phlegm that has built up in my throat in the eons that I’ve been alive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mikecosta Michael Costa

    Haha this is great. I turn 25 this Saturday.

  • http://kelianaya.com Keli Anaya

    Ryan, nooooooooooooo. It’s just a state of mind. Kind of. 

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    I will never stop sending food bad when it’s horribly wrong/doesn’t cater to my fake-allergic needs. (Seriously though, mayo is disgusting and I will never eat it voluntarily under any conditions.) 

  • stormyquin

    I’m turning 25 too!! :D …. and now I’m sad again..

  • ALRochester

    Amen! I’m turning 26 in two days and I thought this might be worth a look as I sunset a quarter century…but it sucked away two minutes of my life and made me feel sorry for the writer. Never even one cigarette?! And Jill Zarin? Seriously?

  • http://twitter.com/Flarfer Dave P

    Re Morrissey: People who are going to make snap judgments on your flaws without seeing the bigger pitcure. People who judge you on the basis of perceived non-conformity to social norms. 

    Kick in the eye.

  • Kas262

    “I’m too poor to own a house at 25 but I will earn just enough to own the fact that I’m a Virgo emotional control freak! “Thank you spirit animal, gay brother from another mother, Virgo. 25 in 11 days. Cue quarter life crisis and love it.

  • http://matadornetwork.com Carlo Alcos

    Oh youngin’…much to learn, much to learn ;)

  • a.

    Well, this is a rare occasion when someone feels sorry for Ryan O’Conn rather than envious of his life/writings/general sense of being #dark

  • http://twitter.com/madddesign Madelyn Owens

    I’m so inspired by this piece that I think I’ll get a 9 month head start and just start being an asshole now!

    p.s. Happy Birthday!

  • Theroundnround

    ^ Exactly why you’re a shit writer.

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    I agree with this. 

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    Also why this site is so heavily ad laden. The links IN the articles now? Too much. Sold out hard. 

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com Maxwell Chance

    Twenty-five has been my age of sex. Finally, all the hot babes are sexing me. I can only hope the same happens for you. And everyone. But save a few more for me.

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com Maxwell Chance

    Twenty-five has been my age of sex. Finally, all the hot babes are sexing me. I can only hope the same happens for you. And everyone. But save a few more for me.

  • http://bluebeadsandbones.tumblr.com Brittany M

    We are virgo soul sisters! Happy 25th.

  • CM

    Oy, just turned 24… I would marvel at how young I was at 23, but 24 has a WHOLE DIFFERENT ring to it. Yikes.

  • CM

    Oy, just turned 24… I would marvel at how young I was at 23, but 24 has a WHOLE DIFFERENT ring to it. Yikes.

  • CM

    Oy, just turned 24… I would marvel at how young I was at 23, but 24 has a WHOLE DIFFERENT ring to it. Yikes.

  • CM

    Oy, just turned 24… I would marvel at how young I was at 23, but 24 has a WHOLE DIFFERENT ring to it. Yikes.

  • devin

    I feel depressed. I’m 27.

  • Anonymous

    love. my 25th is in 2 weeks and i fully intend to commence eye-kicking and respectable day drinking. also, i think bethenny is a much better role model than zarin. 

  • Anonymous

    virgo control freaks are the best! 

  • David

    after the age of 25, you can start saying things like ‘next time, write a better article’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Caroline-Evertz/25521401 Caroline Evertz

    Confirmation that September babies are the bestest. My bday is tomorrow (the 1st!), but I’m only turning 23. So I will continue not owning my flaws (but I have also never had trouble saying no to wine at 3 pm).

  • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

    Agreed on the plugging in someone’s charger (have you never asked the same of others?) and sending something back at a restaurant.   If it’s not good, don’t eat it.  I thought these things were a given.

  • guest

    Ah, youth is wasted on the young!  But you are never too old to stop making lists.  When you get REALLY old you will be so forgetful that you will need lists just to get through the day.  Love your work, and we share the same birthday.

  • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

    I’m turning 26 next month and I support this message.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=42002098 Mage Baltes

    But what about things you must do before you turn 25? I think it’s about time you try that post-coital cigarette and slice of chocolate (birthday?) cake. 

  • http://twitter.com/bybeautydamned Maria Carreon

    Yeah, it’s like saying, “At 25 you become a person” and, according to the author, a total asshole.  I sort of take exception to both, as I think I was a person before I turned 25 and I certainly think I am less of an asshole now in my 30s than ever before!  But one thing I will say: GO VIRGOS!  :)

  • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

    I would say I’m definitely less of a jerk but I’m better at standing up for myself in a way which is non confrontational and yet to the point.  Those sort of skills are priceless.   And yes, I credit that to age.

  • whatsfordunch

    When am I old enough to stop having more than 2 roommates? I decided since I have a “Real” “job” it’s totally cool to drink wine WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT, OK? 

  • Zoe

    oh gee, the fact that a word is a different color and underlined is so distracting! are you effing kidding me? theres may more white space on this site than practically any other site as highly visited. even bloggers have ads now. people have to make money somehow, dumbass.

  • http://intervital.tumblr.com eileen

    loved this list. especially the kick in the eye comment haha. this would make my birthday facebook posts a lot more interesting. thanks!

  • spinflux

    I couldn’t wait to be in my 30s. I had looked forward to it all throughout my 20s.

    I just turned 31 and I am still kind of amazed at how much it blows being in my 20s out of the water. Sanity. Better sex, and dating. More money. Wittier, more intelligent friends. Being taken more seriously than you’re taken in your 20s. But I think I just got lucky. Nobody before this generation has expected someone my age to grow up by now. This society is very coddling of people who don’t want to settle down and make boring lives and boring children. Never has society expected so little from adults, and never have adult been so pampered to be young, rowdy, and free for as long as they wish. 

    I’ver always thought a lot about age too. 

  • http://distractionetc.blogspot.com Jennifer Schaffer

    One of your best, Ryan.

  • vintagelace

    I’m 22 in 17 days. I can’t wait till it means I can stop hanging out with 19/20 year old engineering students who think they know more about the world than anyone else. Next year after I graduate (I’ll be 23) I’m going to Europe and I’m going to start living life. 

    Also, Virgo love.

  • Guestropod

    You’re stupid to feel old.  

  • Anonymous

    Europe sounds amazing! I definitely learned heaps and heaps between the age of 21-25. Growing pains may be an understatement! Where in Europe are you goin?

  • coffeeandinternets

    No 3PM wine? Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me my morning spliff is ‘immature’ and that ecstasy is ‘only for the weekends.’

    Let me just live my life!

    PS Fun article.

  • http://www.guidetomenhattan.com Rachel

    No, he said to start embracing it. As a very wise 26 year old, I can say do it, life is far more bearable with a little mid-afternoon buzzy buzz

  • http://www.guidetomenhattan.com Rachel

    You seem so …*gasp* well-adjusted…Are you single?

  • http://www.guidetomenhattan.com Rachel

    The more ‘holy crap im sooooo old’ I feel, it is inevitable I will find myself in group of people who say patronizing things like ‘oh wow, you’re only 26?? i remember all the stupid things i did at that age…i didnt know anything!’

    And then I take that as my Get Out of Jail Free card to act like a total, irresponsible asshole. Usually this involves excessive alcohol and public make outs. because i can.

  • coffeeandinternets

    How embarrassing. My stoner reading comprehension is showing.

  • http://twitter.com/danloney Dan Loney

    I read the same think at first too haha

  • http://twitter.com/DanielDickey Daniel Dickey

    Your voice shows wonderfully through your writing. Great stuff!

  • vintagelace

    I plan on moving to Netherlands, don’t care where and mostly don’t care what I do for work. There certainly isn’t much life experience to be had here in Newcastle.

  • spinflux

    Anybody who uses the internet nowadays and doesn’t know how to block ads is doing it wrong.

  • luvearth

    I love it…the way you express how you feel about your age… Jeez I go through the same things… lol its funny because its all so true. I turned 26 last month, and my friend I felt worst. 

  • Ann

     ”couldn’t wait to be in my 30s” that is something only a 30 year old would say :D

    22 and happy =)

  • spinflux

    I can’t speak for everyone. I started wanting to be in my thirties around age 26, when people under 25 started being kind of annoying to hang out with (and almost impossible to date), and because of the reasons I stated. My best friend is four years older than me, and I saw her living the sort of lifestyle I wanted after she turned 30. 
    I had a great time in my 20s, but the social limbo period between 27-30 was not as fun as finally being 30-something. The 30s are more fun in a city like Seattle. Places populated by by computer nerds means there’s an epidemic of social ineptitude that plagues 20-somethings, which most seem to shake by age 30. (I’m not from Seattle so maybe I noticed it more, but few men here are dateable in their 20s, even when I was in my 20s.) 

Recently Cataloged

  • Silence Your Phone

    What really gets me is that cellphones aren’t that old. In one generation we’ve gone from existing happily without them to wondering what life was like before them. It’s alarmingly fast, and a bit frightening. We treat our phones as natural extensions of our bodies, aware of our remaining battery life like we’re aware of how hungry we are — an elegant lie.

    By Michael Johnson info

    Michael lives and writes in New York.

    Read more »

  • I Was A Malicious Child

    Recently, I asked a friend what the consensus about me was at that time, and she said, “We all seriously thought one day you might show up to school with a gun.” So let’s linger on that troubling revelation for a moment.

    By Brad Pike info

    Brad Pike is an important historical figure.

    Read more »

  • Stop Delaying That Big Trip. Stop It.

    And while when you’re boarding the plane with no return ticket and no clear idea of how you’re going to suddenly construct an entirely new life for yourself, things can be incredibly intimidating, no drug on the planet could possibly replace the thrill. It’s wonderful.

    By Chelsea Fagan info

    Chelsea is a writer living in Paris.

    Read more »

  • Video Killed The Radio Star, But The Internet Killed Pretty Much Everything Else

    Don’t get me wrong, I have always been a dynamic personality who could interact with and befriend the dead — but in 2011, having 1200 Facebook friends enables me to give just a perfunctory nod to each of them on a semi-regular basis without having to sustain any meaningful adult relationships.

    By Donna Shute info

    Read more »