The Thing About Being Homeless

you know, a mcjob would pay for rent and score you free food. and you won't feel bad dropping it in 3 months when you get yourself together again.

you're not fucking homeless.

some idiot young 'stylist/model/writer' (young entitled hip smarmy shitdick) got a similar article in the Globe and Mail (major Canadian newspaper) outlining how hard he couch surfs and bragging about how he gets away with not helping out at places he stays. article got shit on, like this one deserves to

you're not fucking homeless.

I did this thing recently called 5 days for the homeless… basically I lived on my university campus in a shelter my 3 teammates and I built out of garbage and donated materials (a couple tarps and some hay), and we spent our days panhandling from our schoolmates. We also had no food of our own, and no changes of clothing, and we unfortunately had to go to class like this. We were raising money for a charity that supports homeless youth in Canada called Operation Come Home (we raised over $9000!).

So I definitely feel you on the whole not being dressed well thing, because as well as wearing sweatpants and about 6 layers of shirts, flannel and a sweater (it was below zero most of the time I did this), I also had this awful bright orange tshirt that had to go on top, with the name of the event on it.

Obviously my experience was a lot easier than yours is right now. People were really kind and generous with things like food, so I did not go hungry for even a moment. And a few newspapers came and did interviews with us and that was pretty surreal. We also had the benefit of knowing it would be over eventually. But we had this guy come hang for a bit, who gave us some tips on panhandling. Basically he said we should make it more “sexy”. We had a couple signs that were meant to educate people, and some of them were pretty aggressive, so a lot of people would just walk by and try to ignore us. But he came by with a sign that said “You are: Amazing, Beautiful, Wonderful”, and that got a lot of people to actually stop and find out what we were doing.

I'm not sure what city you're in, but being in a bigger city is always better in terms of homelessness. There are more shelters, usually, and more people to panhandle from, if you're going to go that route. One of the things that kept me sane that week, since I wasn't allowed to shower, was a stick of deodorant. Shit is important, real talk. Also, stay away from popular clubbing areas. I was near my school's bar, which has a crazy St. Paddy's day party (during which I was homeless), and even though I usually loathe trixies and bros, being so unfortunate looking and smelly made me desperately want to be one of them, and it definitely got my mood down. We did keep a tally that day of girls who forgot their pants, though, and that was fun. Little games you can play by yourself are great.

One last tip: there are many people who actually sleep in some of the buildings at my university. If you're near a campus, see if they have anything like a 24 hour library, or a unicentre that never closes. There are tables and couches you can pretend to be just napping on! Most uni students are pretty disheveled anyways. And I don't know if this is just a north american thing, but there are a lot of random free events that have free food like donuts and coffee. At my school, I've probably gotten free samosas about 4 times already this year, thanks to the muslim students association.

This is an interesting blog I read when I was getting ready for the week. It has some good tips for extended amounts of homelessness. http://guide2homelessness.blog…

I really hope your situation is resolved soon!

This reads as: You were living rent free at your ex girlfriends apartment and whilst leeching off her, also cheating on her. She caught you, threw your arse out, and now you're moping around feeling sorry for yourself when you should be looking for a job and trying to get your shit together.

Move back in with your parents, get a job, work your shit out, and stop whining.

Oh, the comments are working again. No, I'm pretty homeless. About as homeless as I could be, really. Why would I make it up? I'm not even clever enough to make it up. …And more mystifyingly, why would you be so mad? Just sayin'.

I'm working on it.

No, I didn't cheat on my ex-girlfriend. And there are many other false premises in your comment, and — well, I'll just go ahead and say it — everything you said, and everything that you think that you know… is wrong. But your belief that you can understand a complete stranger's life and can judge him is…. aaah, forget it, never mind, it's just dumb.

I am really sorry about your situation and i hope it is resolved soon! Unfortunately i don t live in the US! Good luck!

most homeless people don't have a place to plug in their cellphones, laptops, find a place with a suitable wifi connection to concoct fancy crossposted blog entries about being indigent, complete with Death Cab For Cutie music videos and include thoughtful artsy photos and whatnot. Haven't any of your colleagues read this and offered to help? If there's any truth at all to this plight of yours, you must be a total friendless dickbag.

Man, these are unexpectedly angry comments. Why are people *mad* that I'm homeless? …I'm not comparing myself to people living on the hills of, say, Nepal. I'm not saying that my life couldn't be worse. I'm trying to publish articles to make money, and trying to accurately depict my life. Like it says in the article, I'm living illegally in a hostel. The hostel has electricity and Wi-Fi. Sorry. I'm not asking you to weep for me, okay?

i am glad you are homeless because you wrote a good article which i enjoyed

Dude, I liked this and I feel sympathy (not that you're asking for it). Seems you're like the character in the novel “Hunger” writing articles to survive. Stay positive.

you can come have dinner at my house, if you like ganjaman1010@hotmail.com

good luck my man

Hey man I think this is actually a really cool perspective on things. It's not self-pitying or being insensitive of people who are homeless and really fucked, it just highlights that hey I'm kind of useless at being a good hunter-gatherer. Shit.

I got rejected from Macca's when I was homeless. Not because I rocked up with bad hygiene- I didn't. But because at 19 every store said I was too old. Not experienced enough for management, but not cheap enough for crew member. Good luck Oliver.

i believe he said “reads as”, as a writer, you should know what that means. And IT DOES READ AS IF she didn't trust you. You threw that ball in the court. Now play it smarter and defend yourself like you and everyone else knows you can.

What about your parents Oliver?

you can stay with me and we can talk all night about “Beowulf” over drinks.

but i should mention, I live in a whole different continent.

It's pretty clear that “Pfft” was not merely commenting on what the article “reads as.” He was taking that impression, his own personal impression, and accepting it as fact. (And for what it's worth, yes, it “reads as if” she doesn't trust him. That doesn't mean it reads as if he was cheating on her. There is a big difference.) If he were acknowledging the possibility that the reading was incorrect, he wouldn't have felt comfortable giving the author condescending and rude instructions at the end.

There is nothing in this article to suggest that the author isn't looking for a job. There's nothing to suggest he hasn't considered his options in terms of moving in with a friend or family. No one has any right to make those assumptions. And the reason people choose to have contempt for the homeless is that they want and need to believe that you have to be stupid, lazy, and friendless to become homeless, because otherwise they'd have to acknowledge that it could happen to them.

He's lying, this is his ex gf—Oliver was an abusive alcoholic boyfriend. This is what happens when you are a good for nothing human being!

don't care what y'all say, best tc article in a while

Wah wah, stfu.

also possible: be good at being homeless. i'm homeless and it's fun.

if it's true, i'm sorry it happened, if you're a random internet troll, why don't you have anything better to do than pretend to be the antagonist in this situation? dude is fucked.

…Which continent are we talking about here? Because Antarctica is a total deal-breaker.

My parents are… fairly weird.

Obvious troll is obvious.

Oliver, I was unfortunately homeless for four months last year. Luckily I managed to get a roof over my head but it screwed me up financially. If I lived anywhere remotely accessible I would offer a place to stay, in exchange for witty banter and a bit of cleaning. And I totally mean that <3

man, if I still lived in the city I would totally let you crash for awhile

i don't see why it matters if he's really homeless – did he ask for money? NO. did he ask for a bed? NO.

it's beautiful writing, biographical or not.

just appreciate it or fuck off.

This is my 3rd time reading this. I really hope your shit works out, but this is great writing.

Acording to his bio at TC, he has a MFA in fiction so, if i were to guess… He ain't.
Nevertheless excelent writing and althogh i'm very skeptical person (also there is an article at tc that quotes 'just because is in the internet doesn't make it true', or something like that; wich i find both amusing and ironic) i still have my doubts.

Do you really think having an MFA in fiction guarantees you a job?

(No offense to MFA's in fiction. I'm not trying to mock. Pretty much no degree *guarantees* you a job anyway.)

hey i know that hostel! wish i could give you a place to stay :( best of luck!

Im not saying he can get a job cause he has a MFA. I'm saying this could be a fictional story since that is his specialty.

It's a true story, I promise. I have no interest in making up a story like this, and I would be totally annoyed if someone made up a story like this. Real life is just kinda weird, and it doesn't need any embellishment from me in that way. I mean, even the bird thing at the end of this essay really happened, and when it did, I was like: “That's so stupid. No one would believe that if I wrote it down.” But it actually happened.

why would you write the address of the place you're staying (illegally)? seems like you could cause some problems…

I feel like the odds that the employees of the international hostel would read this particular article are pretty low, and then they'd have to identify me from my tiny author photo, etc… Seems unlikely. Plus, I'm kind of a 'tard like that.

If you don't mind I would like to offer a few suggestions:

I would suggest finding a job at a local fast food place (like MD or BK), this way you don't have to worry about food and the money you make you can use it on rent.

You are obviously very intelligent and it might seem beneath you to work at a place like this and to live this lifestyle – but as the proverb goes “beggars cannot be choosers”

If you're looking at a prolonged period of homelessness here, my advice is find a place to post-up by a major college in the city and make that your spot for awhile. I live on an urban campus in a big city, and there is this dude who lives on the stoop of an abandoned building on campus and he gets by pretty well just by being friendly and being there ALL THE TIME (I stress this because he has kinda become a campus personality to us, like everyone knows who he is). A lot of the students and even professors will stop and talk with him for awhile or bring him food/drinks or an extra blanket if he needs it. Also, check your local homeless shelters, food banks, and religious establishments. One of them should be able to hook you up with some more clothes and maybe a blanket or some other basic things, or if not, at the very least they should be able to point you towards an organization that can. You seem to have internet access so a quick google search should be able to show you places in your area….Other things that seem to help. When panhandling make a funny sign. I once saw a dude with a sign that said “Need money for alcohol and prostitutes…Hey, at least I'm honest.” People legit stopped to take pictures with him. He was cashing in with that sign. Also, try to look as well kept as possible, even if you still look mangy, it shows you're still a human being who is trying to get out of a tough situation, and therefore it makes it harder for people to just pass you by. For instance, the homeless guy who leaves on my campus sweeps out the sidewalk in front of his stoop every few days. It really took me aback the first time I saw it, and definitely cast him in a different light for me. And my last piece of advice, don't be one of those homeless dudes who panhandles loud and obnoxiously. They get no money and just make people angry, and it's also the quickest way to draw attention to yourself and get kicked out of wherever you are currently staying. Go with a funny sign next to a little jar or a hat or something though and you should be able to make at least enough to eat most days. I hope some of this helps man. I feel for you. Best of luck.

We have a guy very similar to the one you described on my college campus. His popularity has grown so much that a fraternity hosts a once a year fundraiser/kegger for him on his birthday. His name is Frog and he sells rubber chickens and hand written joke books (full of some pretty awful jokes) on campus for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
The man is crazy as hell but there isn't a single person on campus who doesn't know his name and hasn't given him at least a dollar to recite a joke.

yeah man, kinda harsh reply. Not sweet.

Asia. (Y)

I, on the other hand, am glad you majored in English. It obviously made you an incredible writer. Good luck with everything. It will work out. Look forward to reading more.

I guess you are in rabbit undies choking on your wine sitting comfortably on your tiger skin couch you insensitive fucktard. Wait, you have slave babies who do the suffering for you and then massage your feet. Lets see how you fair in the same situation.

set up a paypal. this is what the internet is for, and when it comes down to it, no number of people shitting on you tossing up an inconspicuous link will make what money you do get any less useful. obviously people are concerned about you, and you obviously have readers (even some who aren't here exclusively to shit on you). go for it!

I do have Paypal, which is tied to my actual email address: oliveramiller@gmail.com …There; boom; done.

How are you doing now, Oliver? I'm kind of worried now! You're too talented a writer to be homeless, good luck!

someone at thought catalog should let you live with them. how could they let this go up and not say “sleep on my couch/in my closet”? if i lived in NYC (that's where you live right?) you could sleep on my couch.

Don't worry Oliver. I am sure some desperate lonely woman will take pity on you and let you stay in her apartment. Seems to be the best thing your good at. That and lying.

I know Oliver and he is full of it.

Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?

Did you ever hit a girl?

λάθη Ένας άνθρωπος είναι πύλες του για να ανακαλύψει. …. αν κάποιος μπορεί να είναι ειλικρινής με τον εαυτό του

Έθνη έχουν το εγώ τους, ακριβώς όπως και τα άτομα.

Σκεφτείτε ότι είστε διαφυγή τους και τρέχουν να τον εαυτό σας. Longest αντίστροφο είναι η συντομότερη δρόμο για το σπίτι.

Αλλά εσείς ευδοκιμούν στον πόνο…

Who is Allison?

Some desperate crazy 40 year old hag he met online

I'm pretty sure he cheated on her

Who? Allison?

Oh please! Take a number for Miss hagalicious. That's the only reason she probably let him mooch off her.

That's mean. You don't know their situation.

Do you seriously think this is the first time Oliver Miller pulled this “oh.. I'm so poor and desperate… please some, take me in.. for free”… crap.

He has mastered this by now!

He's not some con artist.

As far as I know, he has only been living with hagalicious since Feb. or January. She's 40 something, desperate, sex-starved and that's why she calls him 50 times a day. And Oliver just needs a roof over his head. It's a win-win situation.

You don't know that… who the hell are you to make those assumptions about anybody. You don't know this writer personally. And besides, what ever they are going through is their business.

“is their business” – yeah sure. That's why he wrote this blog. Because this is ONLY between a moocher and hagalicious. Ever heard of the “shame” game?

Don't call her hagalicious and i'm sure he's not some moocher. He's just going through a rough time. Most people would be ashamed of being homeless. He turned it something creative.

As creative as beating his preggo ex-gf to a bloody pulp to screw some hag he met online. Yes, that's really creative! Bravo Gingersnaps! Tell me if YOU can confirm or deny what I just said. Oliver, would you say this is true???

What??? Okay, you're seriously full of bs. Oliver doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would hit a girl, especially a pregnant girl. Isn't that right Oliver?

Obvious troll is obvious. …No, I don't run around hitting pregnant girls, yuck.

It's understood that I could edit or delete these comments if I wanted to, right? But carry on, David Jesse.

This is an interesting, and — I'll admit it — unusual trend in commenting. Shit, do I have to translate these to figure out what is going on?

Oh, it's just my column translated, is that it? I can only really recognize the words for “and” and “but” at this point. I sucked at Greek.

Are these “trolls” baseless?

Oliver, r u still homeless? How are you managing?

Delete away. But you can't delete jail time.

If by “baseless” you mean “are these crazy comments that are being left by my utterly insane ex-girlfriend,” then… yes.

have you considered dumpster diving? like outside of grocery stores/restaurants?

think bigger tubby

You are a PATHETIC LOSER – you deserve to be homeless. Serves you right for hitting girls.

…I'm supposed to be fat now? Ok-kaaay then.

It doesn't matter what his actual situation is, this piece is written really fucking well.
I would like to hear more about homelessness from this writer.
I agree with some though, my opinions on the homeless are usually negative
and that's why I'd like to hear more.

Most of me doubts the authenticity of your account of homelessness, but that's the thrill of fiction writing. Also, my cat and I were thoroughly engaged. Kudos!

i dont really have anything substantial to add. i just wanted to see the comments shrink in size. o.o

Jesus Christ, I didn't make it up, dudes.

This was really… I’m not good at describing things I really like, but this was great. Amazing. The result of pressing a star onto a cheese grater. Thank you for writing it!

This didn’t read to me as him being untrustworthy at all. If you read his other article about his ex, Amber, you would possibly understand a little better?

why is it so hard to believe that there are crazy, self-hating, insecure women out there who would, in fact, go through their boyfriend’s phone, email, etc. simply because they have trust issues. Zillions of these women exist. They are insecure and take it out on their significant other. That is hardly his fault. 

She’s a crazy fucking bitch. Obviously. 

Oliver, Ive read a bunch of your stuff at this point (on TC) and its generally really great. You have just the right combination of education, self-deprecating humor, and life experience. Well done

You don’t have friends to stay with?

Im homeless. but i live in Wilmington NC near a beach so sometimes it can be nice sleeping on the beach.  but it still sucks ass

   Ha !  I’ve actually lived at that hostel waiting for enough Spring to show up in the receding of the Winter mire of NYC so I could beat it out of the overrated tedium that is ”NYC.”  The exit came in the form of a Honda Civic to drive cross country leaving from the very hostel itself !   So no nightmare sequences of bus/shuttle/subways/train/planes and intermittent waiting(s) to deal with  !  In my case it was a long-standing neurotic friend who was convinced that I was after his girlfriend not realizing that she was using me to draw him closer.  So I got bounced into early NYC winter to explore the wonders of sudden homelessness and the bitch got what she wanted.  Pussy override !

Seems like someone translated what he wanted to say in Greek through google translated and pasted them!

Can translate them for you if you want :)

1st one read as; Think you escaped (from that situation) and you’re out for yourself. It’ll take longest but at the end you’ll find your way (to a place to call) home.
2nd; People have ego, like everyone has.
3rd; Mistake, a person has to open (and unleash what’s hidden behind) his gates to understand (the reason something happened)…(but only) if someone’s honest with himself.

I just found this article. I love your writing Oliver. I’ve read through some of these comments and they’re pretty sickening. I don’t know if you’re still homeless (I hope not) but everyone telling you to move in with your parents or asking where your friends are, are complete assholes. Guess what? Sometimes your family doesn’t care. Sometimes your friends can’t help you because they’re living paycheck to paycheck as is. Sometimes you can’t find a shitty minimum wage job because you’re overqualified. I don’t know why this is so difficult for some people to comprehend.

I just read a bunch of your articles and I just had to tell you that you writing is so beautiful – I’m just so absolutely in love with the way you speak

I was thinking about getting my BFA. I think that I will look into some other field. A very large thank you from Irina at King’s College.

Your writing is beautiful, and I loved reading this article.