Understanding The Strange Dating Habits Of Twentysomethings

The last 3 words hold more truth than all other Thought Catalog submissions… combined.

“We’re a neurotic bunch of commitmentphobes who are plugged into technology but often feel alienated from real life.”

this.

Yup, the Two Week Relationship pretty much summarizes all of my experiences on OKCupid before I gave up and deleted my profile. 

I do hate him. He knows. It’s cool.  Everyone IS insane.  A similar way I like to think of it is like Billy Currington says; “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.”  Tell me you can’t use that line to explain every failed relationship.  God is great for removing that piece of trash from my life.  Beer is good always good and most likely the reason we got together in the first place.  People are crazy.  He sure as hell is.

“…we have virtual track records of every relationship we have, no matter how big or small, and this gives us the illusion that something meant more than it actually did.”

THIS x1000.  I love how you can be hysterical one moment and then make statements like this that are so real.

Just got rejected after a 2-week relationship. And I’m TRYING to convince myself that it really meant nothing, but it still hurts :(
Agh. Now I’m pissed

Just got rejected after a 2-week relationship. And I’m TRYING to convince myself that it really meant nothing, but it still hurts :(
Agh. Now I’m pissed

this is legitimately the most truthful blog yet, it is so true it’s almost scary.. 

Quitting downing on my “thought I liked you, now I don’t” behaviors. I can’t afford a guilt trip between now & my next date!

This made me feel more/less bad at the same time for just doing this to a POF dude. Yeah, he hates me. I know. It’s cool.

“Twentysomethings tweet/blog/queef about being twentysomething on the next Sick Sad World.”

I had the same thing via OKC, dated a girl for what spanned over two months or so.  After an increasing volume of texts (the hours between replies fall and fall until you’re no longer curious if you’ll be getting a response within the minute or if you’ve said too much that day), increasing amounts of hangouts, and increasing amounts of sex…that was it.

It makes you wonder what the previous time was allabout (even more of a problem in my case because it was two months).  Were they grinning and bearing it previously?  Is this is a new realization?  And unless I’m the crazy one, how could I have changed enough in the past few weeks to warrant that?

Nice post Ryan :)

Except god isn’t real.

Except god isn’t real.

This article is incredibly insightful, so accurate about what dating is really like in 2011.

This is why I don’t date.

In my early 30′s and painfully experiencing this… still. 

Agree. I can’t navigate the dating waters. I get left with non-dates.

Agree. I can’t navigate the dating waters. I get left with non-dates.

strange dating habits as in they don’t exist

I’m 45, and this is nothing new, and is not just happening to 20-somethings. This was happening when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, and as an adult well into my thirties (I am married now). And I’m sure this phenomenon was going on when my parents were younger, and in past generations, just the media has changed. Modern technology did not create this short-term, hot/cold dating scene. Just thought you should know that perspective.

I’m 45, and this is nothing new, and is not just happening to 20-somethings. This was happening when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, and as an adult well into my thirties (I am married now). And I’m sure this phenomenon was going on when my parents were younger, and in past generations, just the media has changed. Modern technology did not create this short-term, hot/cold dating scene. Just thought you should know that perspective.

Carrie Bradshaw.

#preach

You are why people commenting on this article hate dating! Ugh.

Truest article of all time… ever. I mean mostly you’re basically pointing out what we so seldomly can succinctly and with such eloquence articulate. But man Ryan, I keep reading your stuff and I’m like YES.

It’s really sad, it’s like we’re all just turkeys staring confusingly up at the raining sky, not realizing we’re about to drown. 

lol.

So, do you think I should just sit out my twenties and step into the dating scene in my thirties, or is this whole generation r00ned 4 lyfe? :/ I’m serious.

Sorry whatever-his-name-was didn’t call you again, but I had nothing to do with it.

Dating in your thirties:  the odds are good, but the goods are odd.  Just sayin’.

‘There’s a multitude of ways we can experience rejection at any given moment. Every time you open your email, Facebook or Twitter, or turn on your phone, a truth bomb could be awaiting you. ‘  —reminds me of hes just not that into you!!!!

‘There’s a multitude of ways we can experience rejection at any given moment. Every time you open your email, Facebook or Twitter, or turn on your phone, a truth bomb could be awaiting you. ‘  —reminds me of hes just not that into you!!!!

enlightening!

Arggg.  What a timely article.  I suspect I’m currently on the rejected side of the “two week lol jk relationship.”  Dammit.  He was cute too.  

so how do you end a two week relationship without being hated? how do i go about doing this? i’m serious this is happening tonight and i don’t know what 2 doOoOoOoOo0o0o

this rings so true, it’s crazy

The grass is always greener…

Wasn’t he though?! I’m like, I mean, I know it was only two weeks…but that was two weeks of consistent action and you telling me how wonderful I am.  So yeah….I’m gonna be pretty pissed when it all of a sudden stops.  haha, love the “two week lol jk relationship.”  Perfect.

I have been that girl.  Yes, I was grinning and bearing it. I thought you were the right one, but then I realized you weren’t. Sorry.

POF FTW!

ta.gg/55j

I’ve been on the receiving end of one of those two-week relationships that suddenly just stop.
It hurt harder than any of my real relationships that have ended.

I don’t understand how people can be so fickle and careless with other people’s emotions. 

“Why do we do this? Why do we lead people on and then just cruelly leave them behind?” One or two reasons: cowardice and selfishness.
I always read these articles with a combination of O_o and amusement because I don’t experience any of this to this degree, even with living in New York City. Who do you guys hang out with? Are America’s young adults really this fucked up? I keep reading because it’s like a trainwreck – I’m curious and inexplicably drawn in. It boggles me how many dating “issues” people have though. *Shrug*.

And we can’t understand why you formed such a serious attachment so quickly.

Guess we’ll have to call this a draw, eh?

this.

I thought that was how humans worked.  In friendships as well.  Call it whatever you want, I don’t care. 

You know what the problem is? People are always looking for “the right one”, so there’s a lot more pressure, and a lot of rejection. That’s not how it works with any other type of human relationship: we don’t look for The One in friends, or relatives (of course there we can’t even choose); why do we do this with romantic relationships, and expect that it will work? Allow yourself and others to be more simultaneously promiscuous, and there’ll be a lot less rejection and hurt. Do you want to share the person you’re in love with, or be cut off entirely? Jealousy sucks too, but for me it beats rejection.

Agreed, The One just does not exist. It’s completely illogical. Even if God existed, what sort of logic could there EVER be in making sure that each person would only have ONE OTHER PERSON who would be perfect for them, and would be the only person they would ever be happy with? Whoever made up the idea of The One was an idiot.

Exactly like he’s just not that into you! Pretty sure it hasn’t been mentioned because no one here has watched it since it’s an obviously ridiculous, uber mainstream rom-com/don’t want to say it for fear of being judged… ah well. i openly acknowledge and simultaneously lament my strange enjoyment of shitty films while at the same time loathing the film, my enjoyment of the film and myself

This article accurately explains why I hate dating.

oh god. i feel that. I didn’t even know this was a thing, until it happened to me (OKC and all ugh ugh embarrassing ugh) a week ago.

fuck and run

fuck and run

Ehm it’s a relief that someone said that it’s not only for 20 somethings but basically experienced by any person at some point in their life. But maybe, my understanding is, the social network enables us to have numerous “friendship” that are not like any real life friends. This render us craving for a more intimate relationship. So we easily drawn into the attraction of being in a relationship. Not so much for the person itself. After the infatuation is gone we realize the brutal truth. I experienced it 2 months ago, left the guy after 3 weeks, and I haven’t even started reading Thoughts Catalog nor I live in the US. :-P

i just experienced the two week relationship for the first time in my adult life, at 26. i couldn’t even wrap my head around it. i just kept asking my friends: “does this really happen?” and they were all like, YES! where have i been all this time? not online dating, i guess…

you can’t have love without courage. people disappearing on 2-week relationships don’t have courage. if you were one of them, too, it’s probably worth taking a look at why the truth was somehow so hard to just say.

Simple honesty! You just aren’t feeling it. And it isn’t due to something the other person did or didn’t do…it’s just that either you feel it or you don’t. And if it ain’t clicking (usually I like to blame this on chemicals and scientific stuff I don’t completely understand) it is kindest to move on with a clean cut. This way, at the least you do not leave the other person with regretful feelings of confusion, general inadequacy, and a vague suspicion that they must have messed up along the way somehow.

Simple honesty! You just aren’t feeling it. And it isn’t due to something the other person did or didn’t do…it’s just that either you feel it or you don’t. And if it ain’t clicking (usually I like to blame this on chemicals and scientific stuff I don’t completely understand) it is kindest to move on with a clean cut. This way, at the least you do not leave the other person with regretful feelings of confusion, general inadequacy, and a vague suspicion that they must have messed up along the way somehow.

you’re a product of your environment, bravo.

waiting for you to give me the slow clap, cutie.

ok. I am an old mom. have been married for36 years… to the same person. I have children. And most specifically a 25 year old who is female and not dating. 
My read is you cannot, and i will repeat, cannot forge a real relationship based on texts or email. You lose the entire non verbal thing and the flirting thing that happens when you just have a talk, sober, and discover that you really share similarities. Try it/

I can’t believe how true this is. It’s like my 2-week ex must have read this and thought “oh, that sounds like a good idea!” Unbelievable. The crazy thing is, like others have said, this hurts WAY more than my previous breakups, because it’s so completely out of left field!! 

I just had this happen to me as well, and I hear you! I can’t even understand why it’s so painful, but it is!

Exactly! Such a cute guy, and “oh you’re perfect for me, I’m so happy I found you, blah blah blah” and then, “JK I don’t really want to be in a relationship. Take a hike” UHHHHHHHH!!!

Yeah it makes no sense. In my situation, I can’t really complain because I wasn’t looking for anything serious because he was NOT the right guy. But he was fun to hang(make) out with…so…..yeah. Still. The whole damn thing is mind boggling when they go from seeming to worship the ground you walk on to never wanting to see you again in a span of 24 hours. 

this hit exactly on the spot. because of the social networking and well you’re paying for the service.

even a 1-person honest person like me are clicking “send” to 2-3 chicks today just because I feel obligated to try, yet I immediately have given up after clicking but assure myself that I have already tried.

and it hurts WAY more than a real relationship because half the time you actually think you can be with that person for me anyways and it feels like it’s multiple rejections every single day from every girl when I’m doing the same thing to them.

it’s as you said in this article. brilliantly summoned. I wish I could come up with an answer to solve this.