Figuring Out Who You Are

Sep. 16, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com

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I could have a good business sense. I could be a person who understood logic more than emotion. I would excel in school and get good marks but fail to understand how people worked. I could feel like a stranger to myself, unable to figure out why I felt the things I did, but I would end up being very rich and smart and respected. But I’m not that person.

I could be good with money. I could say no to cab rides and eating out and that really cute shirt at APC. I could be a person who gets excited about finding a deal, who spends hours searching for the cheapest option. I could be someone who had saving and wasn’t perpetually broke the day before payday. I could not spend so much money when I’m drunk and learn to stay home in order to save money. But I’m not that person.

I could love everybody and not pass judgement within the first five minutes of meeting someone new. I wouldn’t talk shit and gossip behind people’s back. I would accept things at face value. I wouldn’t question people’s motives. LIVE AND LET LIVE OR WHATEVER. Yeah, I’m not that person, you freak!

I could date a lot and not be so scared of online dating or giving someone my number. People do that, you know! They give strangers their phone numbers. Can you believe it? Just thinking about such a brave act gives me anxiety, but these people aren’t scared. They just put themselves out there like it ain’t no thing. I am in awe of these types of people. I am not them. I am not that person.

I could be a problem solver. I could whip together a dinner using whatever ingredients were lying around. i could learn how to fix repairs and save myself money. I could know how to survive in the woods with no food or water. But I’m not that person.

I could belong to an organized religion. I could be a joiner and find comfort in the collective. I wouldn’t be so inquisitive and I’d accept simple answers to complex questions. I wouldn’t be so scared of dying because I would feel like I already knew what was going to happen. I could rely on a higher power in times of conflict. I could be fulfilled by going to church and reading scriptures. But I’m not that person.

Sometimes in order to figure out who you are you have to think about who you aren’t. I’m not any of the aforementioned things and sometimes that makes me sad and sometimes it makes me relieved. But creating this kind of list helps me feel okay about my choices and shortcoming and, in some cases, my strengths. In the wise words of Ashlee Simpson, I am me!

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Image – Alexander Rachmann

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  • Tory

    Loved this. Different and thought-provoking. Thanks.

  • FangsFoo

    I kinda wish there was a Thought Catalog written by people over the age of 40.

    I’m not saying TC isn’t good but sometimes I wonder what will become of all the self absorbed authors on this site. What does 40 YO Ryan O’Connel think of what he wrote in 2011? What ever became of his life? Maybe that’s a useless thought because the standard trope is you get less narcassitic with age.

    I guess Daniel Coffeen would be a good example of what I’m asking but I get a strong “hey guys , I’m one of the cool kids, age is just a number” vibe from his stuff.

    • Lothar

      … we could call it Lost My Train of Thought Catalog. 

      • ASRAD123

        hahahaha!

    • LS

      there’s validity in this, but i also feel like part of “the point” of thought catalog (even though there isn’t one) is to chronicle the immaturity you’re talking about in an accurate and identifiable way.

      i personally couldn’t identify with this article, but i can identify with some of ryan’s work and what’s interesting to me is the unpredictability of my reaction to those pieces, usually falling into some gradient area between being reassured and revolted by myself.

      daniel coffeen’s articles are interesting and maybe less traditionally “self-absorbed”, but i could easily say they also exist in a gimmicky cocoon of his pet preoccupations. i think both voices have validity. maybe what you’re saying is that TC would be a bit better if it were more balanced, and i’d agree with that.

  • http://beautylikeakaleidoscope.blogspot.com/ Katie

    Ryan, posts like this are the reason you’re my favorite writer (and Kat George!) on Thought Catalog. 

  • http://twitter.com/nuclearcabbage Nive

    I can relate to this…well most of it.

  • Cathy

    Ryan, almost all of your articles have it so that the first line of every single paragraph is the same phrase or sentence. It gets very monotonous and detracts from the actual content of the article.
    In primary school, whenever I wrote a piece where the first word of every sentence was the same, or the first phrase of every paragraph was the same, I’d get a big red line under them from my teacher, who told me it made it very boring to read.
    Point is, isn’t it a pretty basic skill of writing/editing to not be annoyingly repetitive?

    • http://twitter.com/WTHKristinity K

      Cathy, I believe that Ryan is experienced enough as a writer to know what you’re talking about. But as a writer myself, I can’t help but explain that the repetitions aren’t there just for the hell of it. It’s not like he’s too lazy to think about how to start his paragraphs. 

      Another is that this isn’t primary school. First you understand the rules then you break them to suit your style. :-)

    • http://karyninny.com/ karyn

      Yo Cathy! Spewing condescension into the world is an evil hobby, especially when your primary school teacher is your reference. Repetition is a choice, and your choice if you don’t like it could be to close your browser window.

    • guest

      It’s called anaphora… 

  • Sahar

    I wanna try and do this..loved this article

  • http://www.facebook.com/giygaskeptpraying Dan Feng

    “I could have a good business sense. I could be a person who understood logic more than emotion. I would excel in school and get good marks but fail to understand how people worked. I could feel like a stranger to myself, unable to figure out why I felt the things I did, but I would end up being very rich and smart and respected. But I’m not that person.”

    omg that’s me. wish i could be the opposite sometimes

  • Mirus

    Ryan O’Connell, I finally feel a connection with you. That second paragraph is my life entirely!  

    I don’t know how I feel about the religion paragraph though. It is fine to not want to be a part of a religion (I don’t) but I definitely caught a condescending tone towards people who do and that makes me… uncomfortable. Unless you are hurting people or being malicious, I say live and let live.

  • stillconfused

    Oh Ryan. You are a hero <3

  • Anonymous

    …you … quoted Ashlee Simpson?!! UHHHH.

  • http://twitter.com/MerDiann Meredith H

    “Sometimes in order to figure out who you are you have to think about who you aren’t.”
    I feel like I’ve been doing this for the past two years of my life and it freaks me out that I don’t have a better method. It’s nice to know others do it, too.

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