The One Thing I Won’t Write About

Oct. 11, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com

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Every writer has that one (or more) thing they won’t write about. Even the ones like me who talk about anal sex and colonics have to draw the line somewhere. The funny thing about sex writing or talking about something like poop is that it doesn’t strike me as very intimate. It’s stuff that everyone does. Everyone defecates and everyone has sex. So what’s the big deal in writing about it? I don’t think it’s particularly revealing. It’s something we all go through, it’s talking about the human experience.

Other less obvious things, however, strike me as very personal. In the past year, I’ve been dealing with something that I won’t write about. Other people have. If you look at my topics, you might think this one thing is tame by comparison, but to me it crosses the line. It opens me too much, reveals a side of myself that I’m not ready and willing to share.

The ironic thing about bloggers who write about personal things is that they’re usually shy or prudish in real life. They might not sleep with a lot of people, do a lot of drugs, or even change in the locker room at a gym. But they choose to fixate on just that one aspect of their life, thus making it seem larger than it really is. It’s an outlet. Just like you feel comfortable talking about personal problems on the internet, so do bloggers. We say things we wouldn’t ordinarily say in mixed company. Even though we’re not anonymous, we feel like we are in the moment.

I guess the weirdest part about being someone who makes money off of talking about their life is that people think they know who you are. And to a certain extent, maybe they do. But with every type of performer, it’s sort of like one aspect of someone’s personality being blown up. It’s the Beyonce/Sasha Fierce dilemma. In reality, there are actually a lot of things that are off-limits in my writing. Right now, I’m finding it hard to write about anything because I’m going through stuff that is TOO REAL FOR THE INTERNET. Imagine that, right? Something I can’t even post about?! Dear god, what could it be?! But it’s okay when this happens. It makes me remember that I live a life that isn’t always meant for public consumption. As a writer, you have to keep some things private. Otherwise, everything feels cheap. TC mark

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image – Picture Perfect Rose

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  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    This feels more like a diary entry than anything you’ve posted previously. Respect.

    • Lib

      I’m not sure how those two sentences relate to each other.

      • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

        Two separate thoughts within a single comment.

      • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

        Two separate thoughts within a single comment.

  • Sammy G

    Ryan, just a note: everyone tries to have sex. Not everyone succeeds. :(

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Viagra. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

        Viagra implies a partner.

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Viagra. 

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com Maxwell Chance

    Shakers don’t have sex.

  • Lindsey-lu

    Tease!  Why even bring IT up if you’re not going to write about IT? Now I’m curious, whereas before I was just contentedly reading your stuff….  

  • Lindsey-lu

    Tease!  Why even bring IT up if you’re not going to write about IT? Now I’m curious, whereas before I was just contentedly reading your stuff….  

  • JP

    To piggyback on NOSEXCITY, this entry seems already more personal than many of the other topics you discussed, without divulging the exact subject. The gift of a great writer, I suppose.
    It’s also true that we as readers presume to know a lot about you but, in reality there is much that is saved for private consumption that we willingly ignore the possibility of. We choose to fixate on the content presented and assume the pieces make up a whole. Whatever you’re going through that is too real for public consumption, good luck with it. Keep writing and keep sharing of yourself because you’re terrific at it. Respect.

    • Rockandrollme2003

      thanks honey.

    • Rockandrollme2003

      thanks honey.

    • Rockandrollme2003

      thanks honey.

    • Please

      you wouldn’t know a great writer if it came up and wrote you a self absorbed blog post about being a great writer.

  • TO

    This seemed unfinished. 

  • TO

    This seemed unfinished. 

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

  • Courtney

    Love you, Ryan. This was a refreshing thing to read on this site as I so often wonder how you guys handle broadcasting your most intimate moments and thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what you have going on. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us. xx

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