The Kinds of People You Can Date

Jan. 24, 2011
Ryan O’Connell is a 25 year-old writer based in the East Village, New York.

You can date someone who’s more attractive than you and marvel at their perfect body and porcelain skin. Their clavicle is just so exquisite, isn’t it? Love them most when they’re naked and they’ll love you most when you’re clothed. You might be smarter than them, have more warmth, empathy and intuition, but somehow you’ll end up feeling like the inadequate one. Everyone stares at you when you’re out together thinking, “What are they doing with that?” At least that’s what you’ll assume they’re thinking. Dating someone so beautiful has made you completely paranoid and insecure. Even though the beautiful person has reassured you of their love, it won’t be enough and you’ll stop dating them because you don’t want to feel like a gargoyle anymore. You’ll miss their clavicle most of all.

You can date someone who has never been in love before. They’ll remind you of teen love and it will be absolutely delightful. They’ll say weird intense things without knowing how weird and intense they are and make grand sweeping gestures of their love for you. They haven’t been ruined yet, haven’t discovered how cruel people can be and how much they can disappoint you. You’ll inevitably be that person for them though. Through some sort of love osmosis, they’ll inherit your bitterness and broken hearts when you start to show the slightest bit of disinterest. When they leave, you won’t ever be sure if dating them was worth it.

You can date someone who would be a good father or mother. Admire them for their nurturing capabilities and wonder if you’d be a good parent. Leave them when you stop wondering.

You can date someone who’s right for you. They’ll have a normal clavicle, make sense year-round, been in love before, take care of you when you’re sick, be occasionally passive-aggressive, want kids, sometimes disappoint you, love you, hate you, love you again. You won’t worry about who’s the cuter one or who loves the other one more. It just won’t cross your mind, which is when you know the love has longevity.

The people you date aren’t necessarily the people you end up loving and that’s okay. There will be different kinds of people who enter your life at certain times. You date someone who hates you when you hate yourself. Afterwards, you date someone who loves you too much to make it all better. The goal is to eventually have your shit sorted out so you can love someone just because they’re lovely and make you happy. That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end. TC mark

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  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    made me hot. then lonely.

  • http://lazyroar.blogspot.com/ Lazy Roar

    This made me “awww” so hard <3

  • saramcgrath

    lol at scorpio or sociopath, totally

  • JoeyMartin

    “Leave them when you stop wondering.” hahaha.

  • Yun

    How the fuck do you write so much? Jesus christ you must never leave your desk.

  • Ana

    isn't leo supposed to be worse though?

  • lilykerson

    i rly love this

  • lilykerson

    i rly love this

  • lilykerson

    i rly love this

  • Ja'mie

    omg scorpios are so random

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/writings/the-last-acid-trip-damned-by-god-by-brian-mcelmurry/ Brian McElmurry

    Damn, well done!

  • kar

    THIS IS SO DAMN GOOD

  • Erin pea

    no way bro

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    this is cute

  • saramcgrath

    i'm a leo…did you know that or…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    At first I thought I was going to want to kill myself after i read this, but it had a cute unexpected ending. I can relate to a lot of these. Should I fall in love with someone?

  • disc

    Kind of makes you want a GF

  • Deandra Modica

    you are an incredible writer. keep it up.

  • http://twitter.com/blingless Dave P

    I don't love you.

  • http://www.twitter.com parker lee

    WOw. fuck you're good.

  • http://twitter.com/BeepSmile Austin Donnelly

    This made me all warm and stuff in the place where my heart should be. Thanks for writing this :)

  • tinaquino

    I think I like this line best:

    You’ll miss their clavicle most of all.

  • Ana

    no, i didn't! hah
    but it's just leo men i think
    leo women are different

  • champ

    i just like the ones with the big titties

  • QuackMooMeow

    Now I feel like crap. Thanks D:

  • Jordan

    Fantastic.

  • http://www.therumblepack.com Tom

    Great piece. I could think of an example from my own life (and I suspect the authors as well) that fit every relationship decribed here perfectly.

  • saramcgrath

    yes

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    Ok, I'll try.

  • emme

    there are tons of people who never find their right partner ..this article makes me depressed ..it's delusional ..nowadays love is very very practical …it's not about you it's about what you have to offer

  • champ1

    clavicle is a collarbone

  • Mikoloco

    fruck this romantic bs

  • http://twitter.com/nycGtrain G Train

    This second person writing style is really annoying, and that's the only thing I can think about when reading these articles.

  • keepmeguessing

    I agree, sir.

  • http://lovelaughlivefashionbaby.tumblr.com/ Rochelle

    Thank you sooo very much for this-
    i needed the reminder <3

  • PC

    Couldn't disagree more. The second person style is wonderful.

  • Andrew

    I looooooooooooove you can't get enough

  • http://twitter.com/nycGtrain G Train

    OK. Point taken.

  • http://outofthemiddle.com Isaac

    Love the singular “they.”

  • haye

    why the angst?

  • monay

    I disagree. It's never the end.

  • monay

    At least in reference to the last line: ” That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end.”

  • goldenday

    this was pretty. and eloquent. and honest.
    I like.

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