The Kinds of People You Can Date

You can date someone who’s more attractive than you and marvel at their perfect body and porcelain skin. Their clavicle is just so exquisite, isn’t it? Love them most when they’re naked and they’ll love you most when you’re clothed. You might be smarter than them, have more warmth, empathy and intuition, but somehow you’ll end up feeling like the inadequate one. Everyone stares at you when you’re out together thinking, “What are they doing with that?” At least that’s what you’ll assume they’re thinking. Dating someone so beautiful has made you completely paranoid and insecure. Even though the beautiful person has reassured you of their love, it won’t be enough and you’ll stop dating them because you don’t want to feel like a gargoyle anymore. You’ll miss their clavicle most of all.

You can date someone who has never been in love before. They’ll remind you of teen love and it will be absolutely delightful. They’ll say weird intense things without knowing how weird and intense they are and make grand sweeping gestures of their love for you. They haven’t been ruined yet, haven’t discovered how cruel people can be and how much they can disappoint you. You’ll inevitably be that person for them though. Through some sort of love osmosis, they’ll inherit your bitterness and broken hearts when you start to show the slightest bit of disinterest. When they leave, you won’t ever be sure if dating them was worth it.

You can date someone who would be a good father or mother. Admire them for their nurturing capabilities and wonder if you’d be a good parent. Leave them when you stop wondering.

You can date someone who’s right for you. They’ll have a normal clavicle, make sense year-round, been in love before, take care of you when you’re sick, be occasionally passive-aggressive, want kids, sometimes disappoint you, love you, hate you, love you again. You won’t worry about who’s the cuter one or who loves the other one more. It just won’t cross your mind, which is when you know the love has longevity.

The people you date aren’t necessarily the people you end up loving and that’s okay. There will be different kinds of people who enter your life at certain times. You date someone who hates you when you hate yourself. Afterwards, you date someone who loves you too much to make it all better. The goal is to eventually have your shit sorted out so you can love someone just because they’re lovely and make you happy. That’s it. I love you; you love me. The end.

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