The Five Types of Friends Everyone Should Get Rid Of

Feb. 10, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com

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The Party Friend

If you’re the kind of person who likes to get wild on an occasion, you probably have a party friend. This is the person you call when you want to rage because they always know where are all the parties are happening and usually have unlimited access to illegal substances. Hanging out with them is a guaranteed “good time” and you invariably end up doing something insane, which will later lay the foundation for the paper-thin friendship. You like the party friend, but you actually don’t know a lot about them. Sometimes you wonder if they do normal things during the day like go grocery shopping or run to the post office. You also wonder if they’re actually happy and if so, how they could live this lifestyle you only experience once or twice a month. Then you stop thinking about it because it might ruin your fun. Buzzkill.

The Internet Friend

An Internet friend is someone you communicate with mostly in the virtual world. You write on each other’s Facebook walls, tweet @ each other and make clever inside jokes, but you rarely ever hang out. If you do, you’ll take lots of photos to document the event to give the appearance of a close friendship. Here’s the thing; if you communicate with someone too much online before getting to know them IRL, you’re shooting the potential friendship in the foot. After awhile, the idea of hanging out just becomes too weird and you worry about your internet chemistry translating to real life. These friendships are like a modern nightmare.

The Sane Friend

The sane friend is the person you go out to dinner, have deep talks about relationships and maybe go to the movies with. They’re the anti-party friend, someone you hang out with to decompress, not to get riled up. I mean, they give really good advice and are really sweet, but they’re also as exciting as a rice cake. Maybe you’re even sort of embarrassed to be seen with them in a social setting because they dress weird, make awkward jokes or whatever. You like them because they’re normal and grounded in reality and it’s almost refreshing to be friends with someone who doesn’t have any major issues, right? Yes, but if you feel the need to keep a friendship separate you probably shouldn’t be hanging out with them in the first place.

The Friend Who’s Not Your Friend

The friend who’s not your friend is essentially a frenemy. Even though they’ve never done anything to you, there’s an intense competitive vibe. Ironically, frenemies are usually the friends that are most like you. You have the same goals, taste in significant others, style, and that’s sort of the problem. They’re too much like you and it freaks you out so instead of combining forces and creating a powerful friendship, you become at odds with each other. You’re fake supportive/for real devastated when they encounter any kind of success because they’re going after exactly what you want. You know what you should do though? Get over it. Delete your Tom Petty jealousies and insecurities and just be real friends. If you can’t, then cut the lines of communication off. At least then you’ll be behaving honestly for once.

The Depressed Friend

The depressed friend is someone who has a perpetual dark cloud hanging over them. Whether it be with money, relationships, or jobs, they just can’t seem to catch a break. They’re sad, pessimistic and a full-time job to hang out with because you have to prop them up. “Babe, he does like you. Babe, you’re going to get that job. Babe, you aren’t fat!” It doesn’t matter if you have the solution to their woes. They have a permanent residency in Bummer City and despite what they say, they like living there. Their angst gives them an edge and a sense of purpose. My advice? Cancel your RSVP to their long-standing pity party and tell them to see a therapist. Otherwise, you’ll start charging them for their constant complaining. TC mark

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  • Emotion

    I unfortunately think that I am “the sane friend”. Is it bad that even I find myself boring?

    • http://www.twitter.com parker lee

      lmao. pick a personality trait you're fond up in the above and see if that spices up your life a bit.

  • http://twitter.com/alinatrifan Alina Trifan

    and then you end up with no friends.

  • http://twitter.com/gembolding Guido Vermeulen

    sow, basically I should get rid of all my friends…?

    • Ryan O'Connell

      omg wait. maybe not get rid of. just…rethink.

  • http://twitter.com/julp john lambert pearson

    can you follow this up with a 5 types friends everyone should keep? imma little confused

    • icwhatudidthere

      The ones with benefits.

  • http://lazyroar.blogspot.com/ Lazy Roar

    I'm a little offended by this article and I don't know why.

  • mister soy saucey

    im the depressed one but i dont complain ever okay

  • elise

    At the end of college, I realized I had a lot of friends like these!

    I've since dumped my party friend [also she was the toxic influence friend], my sane friend, my frenemies, and my depressed friend. Only the good ones remain. And I don't spend enough time online to have internet friends.

    Also, Mr. Ryan O'Connell – I just want to say that you're a fantastic writer. I have a total brain-crush on you and would ask you to make babies if I wasn't otherwise occupied. Enjoy your day!

  • MC

    what if you want to be friends with the friend who's not your friend but no matter what they're just not having it and that makes you hate them even more

    • Nan

      you have to make yourself stop giving a shit about them and just objectively think about what good style they have, cause after all, you both have the same style.

  • Yo!

    “…but if you feel the need to keep a friendship separate you probably shouldn’t be hanging out with them in the first place.” Funny, I am the sane friend. And if my friends do this with me, that's ok. I keep them separate from my other friendships all the time.

  • http://twitter.com/blingless Dave P

    So only be friends with people who don't actually exist? My life just got so much easier.

  • Ja

    I feel like everyone can be all the these types of friends to different people at different times…I've definitely been the party friend to one friend and the sane friend to another…but I'm also a Gemini, sooooooooooo…

  • ette

    …what about the friend that is a combination of all of these friends?

  • CatinThePod

    What about the friend who you have been friends with for like ever, who you have shared your deepest secrets with and who fits best in your comfort zone and yet who fight the most with,who you are most critical of and he of you but inevitably you both keep coming back almost like how the magnet's opposite end pull towards each other maybe by sheer habit/nature and then the cycle continues…

  • Sceneryhog

    Ok, this is a very intriguing article. 5 types of Friends Everyone Should Get Rid Of… and you are saying to get rid of the Sane Friends? heheh ok. Here's the real deal: YOU NEED ALL OF THESE TYPES OF FRIENDS in order to stay SANE.

    I'm a late bloomer on practically everything; but, one thing I have learned is that having different types of friends keeps you in check. Humans are social creatures, and creatures of habit. Meeting different people keeps us on our toes and old friends, no matter what type, provide insight to our past, present and maybe the future.

    Every had just one best friend, and then the friendship soon became sour grapes? The simple reason for this was you had no other friends to even out your friendship with your best friend. If I may be so BOLD to say, what I think the author is trying to get at is these “types” of people are not your friends; If you have no loyalty or respect for them. It's okay for you to hang out with them once in a blue moon. It's okay to just be Facebook friends. You never know how those types of friends can deem themselves worthy when the time comes.

    • Guest

      so true. I have two group of friends: childhood and high school. I’m tight with both but I’d never introduce the two groups because they’re so different personality-wise. (Made it really hard to plan a all my parties).

    • Guest

      so true. I have two group of friends: childhood and high school. I’m tight with both but I’d never introduce the two groups because they’re so different personality-wise. (Made it really hard to plan a all my parties).

  • junjun

    I love you Ryan. You're my favorite.

  • http://twitter.com/fuckpicnics Zoe Young

    I'm the depressed friend because all my friends are internet friends.

  • shadowfox87

    lol honestly, the only thing that I really look for a friend first is kindness, next honesty, and the rest doesn't really matter to me. Every person, no matter how morbid they may seem, have a sense of humor and it is actually very interesting to extract this humor out of these people. I do prefer to hang out with the “sane” person over the “party” person, but like I said every person has a sane and party side to them, but one is expressed more than the other. You should hang out with people who you are comfortable with and not care about what image you are portraying. I know certain people will try to make friends with every single person they meet, carry a long conversation every time they run into them, add as many people as possible on facebook, but this is just quantity, not quality.

    People need to accept that they will have friends in their life which are just “hi” friends. In which you encounter, you say hi because you know them, but that's it, you don't encounter them anywhere else. You don't share the same interest, you don't see them everyday. Certain people though, will get to know EVERYONE. They will be the type of people who will talk to everyone in a party before they leave the party. I just can't do that. I stay in my comfort zone and I am happy with my few friends and I have a lot of fun.

  • FUCK!

    FUCK!

  • MMMMM

    Bummer City HAHAHAHA

  • Guest

    The fact is your shouldn’t be friends with someone who you call your “so-and-so” friend, not to be friends with no one. Have a friend that is a the right balance of one or two of these.

  • Guest

    The fact is your shouldn’t be friends with someone who you call your “so-and-so” friend, not to be friends with no one. Have a friend that is a the right balance of one or two of these.

  • Writkeeper

    I’m honestly kind of offended by this… You’re essentially saying that none of ‘these people’ should ever have friends. What’s a ‘depressed friend’ to do when all their friends have ditched them? Spoilers: they’ll get more depressed.

    Little bit insensitive, I think. .-.

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