The Dalai Lama Is Not Cool

Jun. 15, 2011

By Oliver Miller info

Oliver has a MFA in fiction from a very expensive college, but has never published any fiction. He has written for ...

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Sure, the Dalai Lama is a being of infinite wisdom and compassion who is the living reincarnation of the Buddha. But does he get jokes? Hells no he doesn’t. Here he is being interviewed on the Australian “Today Show.” Anchor Karl Stefanovic starts telling the following joke to Mr. Lama — “So the Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop…” he says. Cue a completely baffled reaction by the spiritual leader:

So, that didn’t go over that well. But c’mon, man! “Make me one with everything.” That’s a good one, right? Jeez, this guy is more like the Dalai LAME… a. …Amirite? …No?

Anyway, according to always-reliable YouTube comments, the Australian anchor left off the actual end of the joke. Take it away, YouTube comments:

the REST of the joke is,,,, after? handing the clerk a $20 bill against his $12.00 tab, the Dalai Lama says, change plea[s]e. the clerk replies,”" change must come from within”"

See, that was the whole problem here. The dude just didn’t tell the whole joke! There you go. Mystery solved.  TC mark

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  • http://twitter.com/Sscottie Scott Lewis

    Karl Stefanovic is a robot, he malfunctions all the time

    • Oliver Miller

      Is everyone on this site fucking Australian?

      • DeeQuinn

        Yes

  • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock

    I found them both very adorable and endearing. Related: Australia has a Today show?

  • puzzlepunk

    He also isn't cool because until he was kicked out of Tibet he owned THOUSANDS OF SLAVES! But hey he has some corny greeting card platitudes about kindness that fill our Western hearts with cheer.

    • Oliver Miller

      Wait, did he?  Is that true?

      • Caitlin

        No. Not true.

      • Bourdillon

        Well, not strictly true. There was a very sharp class/caste divide in Tibet, of which the Dalai Lama was the chief beneficiary, but he didn't actually own slaves. There was a system whereby all of the material wealth of the country was funneled via the priesthood into the palace, leaving a nation of uneducated, dirt-farming peasants. The man is – and always has been – exceedingly wealthy. Beware the temptation to canonise such a figure.

      • Wh

        You mean like the pope? Have any of you guys been to rural italy or spain?

      • Bourdillon

        I've been to rural Italy; it doesn't compare. I don't particularly like the Pope either, I have to say.

    • yayaya

      I am a Tibetan and this statement is completely false and deeply offensive. Please in future try to first learn a thing or two about what you are talking about instead of being completely ignorant.

  • Henry

    The guy had an interpreter with him.
    Rule of thumb: puns don't translate well.

  • http://twitter.com/sandraaa_xo Sandra NB

    Most hilarious thing I've head about the Dalai Lama is him basically calling Johann Hari fat 
    “Why do the rich need so much? We each only have one stomach. Well, not you,” he says, looking at my belly. “You appear to have two.”
    Anyway, I don't think the Dalai Lama would have got the joke in the interview, made me chuckle though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jinstellakwon Jin Stella Kwon

    it isn't that the he is lame it is because english is not his first language/does not understand the culture.

    if anything, I think he took the joke quite gracefully while the television hosts were condescending. I would like to see both hosts go to Tibet and try to understand a joke.

    Australian Hosts: 0
    Oliver Miller: 0
    Dalai Lama: 2

    :)

    • Brandon

      sarcasm: 1
      jin stella kwon: 0
      dalai lama: ∞

      • Oliver Miller

        What Brandon said.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    I find it hilarious that KS has to resort to physical mimesis to try and get the joke to cross language barriers.

  • anon

    A friend of mine has been over in India studying Buddhism and has spent many hours listening to the Dali Lama. I hear he has an excellent sense of humor. If his command of the English language doesn't include pizza, I'm not surprised. Dedicated Buddhists tend to be vegan.  The only mystery here is how a host keeps his job when his failure to do research on his guest results in an insulting set up of a man considered as holy as the Pope.

    • Mr. White

      I thought he had an excellent sense of humor?

      FIRE HIM!! HIS HOLY CUNTNESS HAS BEEN INSULTED BY THE PIZZA-JOKE.

    • Tim

      I agree that the Dalai Lama has a good sense of humour. I've read books based on interactions with him and he has a very generous spirit in regards to teasing of him.

      One thing to correct here though; it's not true that dedicated Buddhists tend to be vegan. Many Buddhists are vegetarian, particularly in India, but very few are vegan (although over all more are than people in most other religions I'd say). And in Tibet, where the Dalai Lama is from, very few are even vegetarian, due to living in a high terrain climate, which means it is difficult to grow the plants required for a healthy vegetarian diet.

      • anon

        I was led to believe otherwise but you could well be correct on the vegetarian / vegan diet. The ones I know are vegan and believe this is part of the practice of Buddhism.

        His humor shows in his phrasing of concepts, even in the written word.  I doubt he'd be fussed about this.

  • PhermonousFan

    Are you serious? This shit is fucking hilarious. The only thing funnier than this would be if the Barack Obama checked into a hotel and the porter played “got your nose” with him.

  • Matthewmjgonzalez

    maybe he heard that joke the night before and thought…. if i hear that joke one more time…

  • http://twitter.com/CowboySandtoes Cowboy Santos

    hahaha that clerk is funny! am using that.

  • lls87
  • lsl377
  • Dee

    omg I cant believe there are people in this thread that have read books by the Dalai fuckedup Lama, what has happened to THought Catalog yo!

  • marianne

    what the FUCK, i haven't read this article (too scared of the pain) but the title… the dalai lama is a beautiful man. have u ever seen him not smile? i want to kiss him and i'm gona woop ur ass

    • Oliver Miller

      Sigh.  Reading the article before leaving comments is always recommended, but the title is ironic and I think the Dalai Lama is awesome.  Just to reduce the confusion there; you're welcome.

      • marianne

        fuck. i just want to woop ur ass more now.

  • Jordan

    Well, I thought it was a good joke!

  • Helen

    wow this is insulting

  • Luarie

    This article is somewhat ridiculous. First off, If you have ever seen the Dalai Lama speak you will realize that he doesn’t speak English very well and utilizes the help of a translator for a lot of the things he says. Secondly, if you have ever traveled the world, studied other languages, etc… you will find that jokes don’t translate very well to other languages. It is not really a surprise that the Dalai Lama didn’t pick up on this one, but because he is the COOLEST person ever, he laughs that infectious laugh anyway

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