Tale Of An Abortion

so much heart in this. thank you.

I've never read such a poignant account of abortion from someone before. Your story makes my heart ache a little. If that soul is meant for you then s/he will come back to you some day, when you're ready…

I don't agree with your choice, but this was beautifully written and it was brave of you to write it.

This broke my heart, too.  : I have a daughter, she's 7 now and I gave birth to her when I was 20. I thought of abortion then but can not push through with it, a decision which I never regretted it. 

I sincerely hope,  Sadie, that you also never regret yours. I admire you for writing so bravely about such an unpopular issue.

Great piece, bravely well written. Thanks for putting it out there.

You did a wonderful job writing about such an emotionally-charged subject. To me, you managed to capture that feeling one gets when confronted with such an intense situation – that weird back and forth between the simple details of reality and the chaos going on internally.

I cried

I agree with your choice. It's not only a brave sacrifice, but it's a responsible one. It sounds like you're planning your future carefully to ensure that you and those that you care for have a happy and secure existence. More power to you. I think everybody should give not only life, but the quality of it, more thought.

Pro-life or pro-choice, you need to ask yourself whether you're ever going to let this happen again.

this mad me sad and took a lot of courage to share

beautiful piece. thank you so much for sharing it.

Brave :-)

I wasn't ready, either.  Someday maybe I will be… for now I think I did the right thing, but man am I glad you wrote this article to help me think about it, tenderly, compassionately, sincerely.

This was really good.  You are very brave.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Batman is not a superhero! He doesn't have any super powers. He's just a regular, every-day, multi-billionaire dude in extreme physical shape. Theoretically he can exist without any genetic mutations, alien help/excuses, or advances in technology. He could be real. Loved this article.

Amazing. This was almost as brutal as 'Play It As It Lays'.

Well done.

this is such a fabulous article, and i like it so much i don't really know what to say.. except this REALLY is what it feels like. at least it did for me.
you did a great job capturing that heartbreaking instant when your current, incomplete and most definitely unready self meets something your future, wiser and far more organized self might be ready for…and might actually want. i'm happy you are so self-aware (“i spend hours proselytizing on why Batman is not a goddamn super hero. i am not ready to be a mom”) strong and willing to share this with us. the entire piece is intimate but relatable (doubly so for me) and i hope more women want to open up to talk about their experience, whether they're grieving or relieved. it helped me to share. thanks.

Gosh! Feels like its been written with blood… Love it!

It isn't as simple as that. Condoms (which she states in this article that they were using) are about 98% effective. The pill is usually about 99% effective but it can be as low as 95%. Everybody's body is different, and accidents do happen which are nobody's fault. It's very easy to sit behind a computer screen and judge somebody but if you'd ever been in this situation yourself you would never dream of doing so.

At first I said to myself, Oh boy, heres another abortion story that makes it justifiable and sheik in this “Avant-Garde” America. Instead I was surprised. Not the unending misery that ensues in pro-life propaganda scenarios, and neither the youthful “no big deal” propaganda of the pro-choice side. It made me angry and it made me sad. First angry at the abortion, and then, stepping back and thinking about it, angry at the world that facilitates one to make such a choice. Very well written.

What an amazing story. You're a phenomenal writer

I have been in this situation, speaking of judgments.

And I hate to be blunt, but it IS as simple as that.  Stories like this come up because people see the statistics you cite and decide that ninety-eight, ninety-nine, and ninety-five equal one hundred.

The question now is whether the author will keep engaging in the same behavior, knowing now from experience that even said precautions can and do fail.  Considering how horrible the abortion was, is she going to maintain a set of circumstances that could result in her having to go through it again?

so you're a “no sex till it's baby-making time” kinda folk? i'm just wondering if you're suggesting abstinence. no judgement, just curious.

Interesting way of prefacing “no judgement.”

People can enjoy sex in myriad ways that don't make babies (each with its own risks to weigh, but none as grave as pregnancy, I'd argue).  If you can't handle a baby, best to avoid the particular act that makes babies.  Anything else is roulette.

I'm very surprised to hear that, but I suppose you had a different experience than me and the writer of this article. Fair enough.

Nonetheless, it still is not your place to pontificate in this manner. She knows what is best for her life. You don't know all the facts of the matter and I'm sure she doesn't need your input. Not everyone will find it at all necessary to give up sex. Not everyone will find it at all helpful to give up sex. And I can guarantee that not everyone either needs or wants you to tell them how to live their life.

I'm sorry that you have experienced this situation too. It's horrible. Believe me, I know. But living through it does not give you the authority to tell other people how to deal with it.

This was incredbily powerful to read.

This article is brimming with emotions! Brave and real. I wish you peace of mind.

i became pregnant this year too. this is just what it felt like. i wish my dorm bathroom had tiles, everything was this weird plastic. i felt like the knot in my stomach would never go away. thank you for this, it helps to read that it wasn't just me.

Batman is a super hero you fucking moron.

Guy has saved more lives than anyone you know.

My first comment was pithy and open-ended.  I don't understand how you can respond to me with a long post laden with statistics and invective and then accuse me of pontificating when I respond to you.

Anyway, I have the privilege to comment,
same as you, unless and until the staff here sees fit to ban one of us.  I'd dredge up the adage about “if you can't stand the heat,” but the author has demonstrated by submitting this piece that she CAN stand the heat.  You, on the other hand, see fit to shut down opinions that don't reinforce yours.

Finally, when it comes to having babies, giving up sex will ALWAYS be helpful.  And for a zero-percent chance of having babies, giving up sex will ALWAYS be necessary.

There was indeed much pith in your first comment. However, we're not having a brevity competition and it is the content of it, not the form, that I take issue with.

You do have the privilege to comment and I have the privilege to reply. I have the privilege also to invoke statistics. I find it rather odd that you're now accusing me of being unable to “stand the heat” when your entire comment here is sipmly you whining about my “trying to shut down opinions that don't reinforce” my own. I leave it up to the fairness of other readers to determine whether that is what I am doing. You earlier complained that I was judging you, so just to make this clear: I am judging you for having the temerity to post such a condescending, judgmental comment. If we must compare the two, then bear in mind that one of these actions is a judgment on someone for how they're treating other people and the other is a judgment on someone for the way they live their life. I did not mean to tell you to shut up and stop posting – I made an effort not to give off this impression because it's not what I want – but at the same time I feel no compunction about why I found your behaviour unconscionable.

You completely missed the point about giving up sex not always being helpful and not always being useful. If you've lived through this experience then I'm sure you'll be aware that this is not a mechanical issue; abstinence does prevent people from getting pregnant, obviously. But if your reaction to that is to give up sex, or to tell others to do the same, then you're suggesting that people give up an enormous part of the human experience. You're stating an absolute solution to a very complex, very personal issue. You're not just being “blunt”, you're being myopic. My experience with abortion has not made me give up sex, I don't feel it is necessary and I don't feel it would be useful. As a matter of fact, it is one of the things I enjoy the most in this world. For me, and for many people like me (I would go so far as to guess that for most people) giving up sex altogether would be actually harmful. Luckily, I'm a grown up so I'm able to face the difficulties in my life without amputating great swathes of my experience.

I guess I'm losing the brevity competition, but hells – that's my privilege.

was there really a need for that ?

Thank you for writing this…that's all I can say.

Brave? I think not. Brave would have been taking 9 months and nurturing her “little blip” and then give it to somebody that can't randomly get knocked up by a ” useless overgrown child”. I'm sure I'll get more flack for having posted this but you know what, I'm okay with that. She was not raped. She made a choice to have sex.  Sex makes babies. Duh.

Regarding pith, I was taking issue with your accusation that I was pontificating.  I wasn't.

“Nonetheless, it still is not your place to pontificate in this manner.”  “And I can guarantee that not everyone either needs or wants you to tell
them how to live their life.”  “But living through it does not give you the authority to tell other
people how to deal with it.”

All three are longer ways of saying “shut up.”  And keep in mind that I never told anyone how to live her life.  I also haven't told anyone to give up sex.  (The closest I came is in the thread below this one, which has a pretty big IF attached to it.)

You've got a lot of “I feel” in your penultimate paragraph.  You at least acknowledge that the hard facts I've put out are true.  Whether you like them or not is a different matter, but regardless, they are the only way to prevent this horrible situation from happening again.

when i was 20, I got my then-gf pregnant, and had to experience the whole run-up to her getting an abortion. it really does take a lot out of you, and you don't have to believe in eternal souls, or any sort of dignified human essence beyond the sum of functioning neurons to understand the deep-seated angst that ending a pregnancy can precipitate. i mean, you're running against an inherited impulse we've had since bacteria stopped splitting in half. reproduction is as raison d'etre as it gets

needless to say, the relationship was never the same after that. it left a wound that neither of us could really verbalize, but which kept gnawing at us for 2 years after that. sadly,  the vast majority of our discourse involving sexual relationships/pair bonds, including most articles on the subject here at TC, is just an intellectual garnish on the most deeply animal part of our lives, governed by chemical levers in the deep limbic system subtly tugging our cognitive puppet strings. while we muse about love, soulmates, mutual respect and the like, dopamine, oxytocin, and testosterone are doing their job without even checking in with us.

“…my little blip; the light given back to the universe, which I hope can find its way home to me someday.” 
A light was given to you, but you extinguished it. When someone dies – or when something is terminated, however you want to look at it – they don't come back. I understand it is a tough choice to make, and I do not envy you for making it. It's just too bad you had false presumptions as to what was going to happen when making the choice you made. That baby is never coming back, and high hopes will not change it.

I really appreciate how honest this is! Sad, yet refreshing.

ugh shut the fuck up

No, sorry, you're wrong. There is 96% of this universe we don't understand. Hell we are far from fully understanding the human brain. What you doing is coping in an unproductive manner. By saying it's all just chemicals and your life is meaningless you are 1)justifying your actions instead of admitting a wrong and 2) condemning every meaningful relationship anybody in human history has ever had to uncontrollable instinct in the process. Nope. Face your problems, but don't take the rest of us down with you.

What? Did we read the same article?

Whoa, sorry! I pressed the “new comment” button, and it didn't show that your comment was a response- I thought you were responding to the article and I really didn't understand what you were saying. I'm embarrassed, so I'll be going now.

thank you for writing this xo

Until you're in that situation, I don't think it's quite fair to dismiss her experiences with “Brave? I think not.” Just by reading a short article online, you aren't privy to the hell that probably went on inside of her while trying to make this decision. 

Furthermore, I am getting really tired of people always throwing out putting a child up for adoption as a perfectly viable alternative to either keeping a baby or having an abortion. I don't think it's quite that simple; even besides the emotional and physical toll it would take (yeah, abortions do that, too, but in a completely different way), if someone isn't ready to raise a baby, they are probably not in a place where they can easily even give birth to a baby (I'm thinking primarily of the time away from school/work/both). 

I totally agree that giving your child up for adoption is an incredibly brave act, and in an ideal world that would be possible (although, in my ideal world, you would be able to get pregnant only when you wanted to, and were ready).  I just think with questions of abortion, there is no easy answer, but there is also no simple solution. Things aren't as black and white as: don't have sex until you want a child; if you do, just give it up for adoption.

Sadie, thanks for sharing such a personal struggle. It could not have been an easy decision to reconcile.  I'm sorry some are sitting in righteous judgement and typically are more concerned about pushing their own religious right agenda than caring for your well being. Thankfully, the support and understanding from the rest of us shines bright comparatively.  This was an honest accounting addressing a dilemma women have been facing for ages. Thank god there are better alternatives than in past. I've never had to consider an abortion but many of my friends have and had the same reaction of sadness mixed with hope for the future. Here's to moving forward!

tinyurl.com/2a7usxg

If you really never intended to suggest that people should give up sex, can you explain your original statement? I think that's where the confusion arose from.
Here, for your convenience: “Pro-life or pro-choice, you need to ask yourself whether you're ever going to let this happen again.”

thank you for writing THIS. i really hope notaprolifenut sees this subject differently one day.

His super hero-ness is debatable given the fact that he does not have super powers.  But even so, I agree with CRICE8 – was there really a need for that?

sooo… you would tell a woman who never wants to have kids to never have sex? you're smart :)

Short of tube-tying or some other one-hundred-percent effective method I've not heard of, yes.  And I'd say the same thing to a man.

My own personal views notwithstanding, it was never my intention to push abstinence on this author or anyone else.  My point was (and is) that if this experience was truly as horrible as the author portrays it — and it is — then it's best that the author take steps to make sure she never has to relive it.

(For the record, abstinence from vaginal intercourse is the best possible step to take for the express purpose of not getting pregnant, as I said above.  Sterilization is probably next-best, though I've heard of vasectomies/tubal ligations failing to prevent pregnancies.)

Thank you for this.

PS tube-tying is not 100% effective, and IUDs are as effective as the procedure. IUDs for everyone!

Seriously ladies, look into it, they're amazing.

didnt you say before that you weren't telling ppl what to do??
this is an example of telling ppl what to do. 

ps: getting ur tubes tied comes with RISK, the same small amount of risk of getting prego while on the pill. ur playing “russian roulette” with both practices. lets not be a hypocrite anymore k?? :)

Indulging your hypothetical is not the same as telling people what to do.

You and Ella below are right that sterilization is not one hundred percent effective, either — I said as much above, after I remembered, and I wish (as I often do!) that I could edit my post that suggested otherwise.  On the other hand, you don't seem to know what a hypocrite actually is.

You read like a condescending pain in the ass.  I'm not going to bother with your smiley posts anymore k??

Acknowledged.  When it's all said and done, nothing's 100% effective but abstinence — and I guess staying away from questionable swimming pools and toilet seats?  Juuuust kidding.

interesting because it was a genuine question that honestly lacked judgement about your belief and is the definition of abstinence, or interesting because you left a comment that started a flood of responses opposing yours and you just assumed i was being an asshole? no judgement, just curious.

The phrasing — “'no sex till it's baby-making time' kinda folk” calls up a healthy dose of sarcasm and disdain, which makes the “no judgement” part come off as a “no offense, but…”-type situation.

But of course that's only my perception, and I'll take your word for it if that's not how you intended it to come off.

i'm not religious, or right winged, or sitting on  a high chair of righteous judgement, but in my experience it's selfish. you're only thinking about yourself, and it messes you up, you don't realize how much, it makes me wish that we stop being so selfish, a
very much “me first” attitude permeates these past few generation. 

How is this going to affect my life? This is going to change everything, I'm not ready…
we should be asking ourselves these questions before difficult situations arise. that my two cents.

and i think this is a beautifully written piece, and it made me sad and i wish the best for you.
i want the best for you.

Until you've grown a human being inside you for nine months and then gone through a huge medical procedure for the sake of growing someone elses family, shut the fuck up. Sex makes genetic material, not babies.

this was beautifully written and i am so glad you chose to share your experience. even though we are strangers, know that i support you and any woman who has to make such a choice. you will be a great mother when you are ready. all the best.

Her sentiments about not being ready are not exclusively about feeling that a baby wasn't right for her at that time- I would say the opposite. Never does she mention all the sacrifices she would have to make; her career, her relationship with her boyfriend, her education. What she means to tell you by giving examples of her immaturity and irresponsibility, by telling you she was not ready, is that she was not responsible enough to give a baby adequate care. You rant about how people only want abortions because they're selfish with a “me first” attitude. On the contrary, her choice seemed very centric to the well being of a potential child. It is not “me first” to make a decision like this by weighing how responsible you are, how much room you have to house a child, or the fact that she could barely scrape together the money for the abortion much less pay for a child. Of course, at this point you'll probably say she should have had an adoption. That's a whole different argument, but maybe she considered both the toll on her (emotionally and physically), as well as the fact that there are millions of starving, orphaned children in this world who need adoptive parents and considered that maybe she doesn't have to add another white, American baby to the list to take precedence over these children (as they always do). Sadie, I'm glad you've come to terms with what you went through and I applaud your responsibility through this whole ordeal- thanks for sharing.

My mom had 3 abortions before she decided to keep me. Sometimes I wonder what my siblings would have been like if they were born, but in the end, if she had decided to have them, there's a good chance I never would have come to exist myself. Isn't that “keeping a life from coming to be” also? Arguing about a life when it's just barely at the cusp of being anything seems pointless because the possibilities are endless. And when it comes down to it, the mother is a fully formed human being whose life is real, not just an abstract potentiality, and thus, should come first.

The author continually points out how irresponsible she and her boyfriend's living habits are, precisely to make the point that they would not qualify as good parents. They are not ready, they are not prepared, emotionally, financially, etc. – that IS taking the potential child's life into consideration. You probably have this idea that just being born into the world is enough for a child to live well. When people decide that they're not at the stage where they can provide the resources and opportunities that they want their future children to have, then it IS, in a way, the sign of responsible parenting.

A 7-week fetus is not a baby. And she has no delusions about it literally coming back, fool. She means in the form of future children, when she freaking decides that she wants to go through with it.

Not “pro-life” my ass. More like anti-choice. Do you realize exactly the reality of what we would have to face if every single “useless overgrown child” went through term with a fetus to give up for adoption? Oh, and I forgot, men don't make the choice to have sex, they just can't help it. Women should just hang on to their chastity belts and wait til marriage and then preside as the morality-keeper of their household. Ignorant fuck. And fuck the six people who “liked” your comment. I thought this was a forum that encouraged thoughtful comments, not shitting your brains out onto the internet.

You'll never have to deal with this. STFU.

What a ignorant comment. That is not even a comment. Whether it is your opinion or not, they have the right to respond just as any person does.

Thank you for this comment. That is all I have to say.

This is what ignorance looks like.

Yes, but in this situation you put yourself in risk, which is your decision. You do not put another human being at risk.

Very smart, indeed! You take the risk. You need to take responsibility with that.

I may not agree with the decision, but in the end, that is not what matters.

Thank you for putting your emotions in this article, even if that was difficult. You ARE brave.

I admire you for sharing your story.  It takes a lot of courage to be honest so publicly about something like this.  People talk about abortion and make judgements about the act and the people who choose it without really understanding.  Thank you for letting us in.  Truly moving.

Did you know that most doctors won't even perform tubal ligations on women unless they are of a certain age and/or have already had children?

Because you definitely know how the universe works and exactly what a “life” is and where it goes or comes from. Sounds like you have false presumptions.

Abortion also gives you a zero percent chance of having a baby.

wait wait wait…UN eaten Doritos?!

I actually think Batman is a much better character if you don't think of him as a superhero. Superheroes are heroes because of their superpowers – if Superman didn't have his powers then he wouldn't be Superman at all. But Batman chooses to be a hero and subsequently has to overcome all these not-superhuman foibles and his lack of powers in order to save lives. That makes him much more interesting as a comic book character. 

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS WAY TOO MUCH.

Oh yeah, because carrying a child to term isn't stressful at all. You can't just get knocked up and let it stew for nine months – you need specialised healthcare and nutrition, you need to factor in the costs of delivering in a hospital that can offer you (and your baby) the best care. It's not just her deciding her lifestyle is 'incompatible' with pregnancy.

I always wanted to be a mom too. I was always the one with the baby dolls that i took care of, the baby sitter, the person who always begged to hold my friends babies.
Like you, I wasn't ready. Upon finding out about my own pregnancy, to that point I had been drinking (alot) and was also living in a dorm room that had mold growing in the walls (very gross and VERY bad for you). My boyfriend (though not as much as an overgrown child) had no money, I had no money. We would both have to quit school and try and find some shitty job to provide for us and the baby. Then where would we be? Resenting each other, our child, our lives, all because of one accident? I think not! I had an abortion. I was upset, I disliked it, and I wished I had the option of other choices. I didn't.
Thank you for posting what you really felt because that is what really matters in this. You are a person with emotions, with plans, with responsibilities. You little blip wasn't yet a person, and I'm sure that light will come back to you.

Frieda Kalo? *Frida Kahlo, I think.

Man, I hope you're being ironic with your name.

I think I've heard that before.  It doesn't surprise me.

Tell that to the babies who have survived abortion attempts, smart-ass.

It doesn't surprise me, either, but I find it completely shocking and disgusting. What choices are women actually allowed to make about their bodies and their lives? It appears the only non-controversial and available option women have is to completely abstain from sex. 

This honestly wasn't directed at you. I don't know from your comment if you agree with this practice, it was just necessary that I get this comment off my chest in order not to spontaneously combust.

Its funny that when I read this article and decided I wanted to comment I wanted to be like “you greedy, selfish, baby killing fucktards” or something to that effect, but I thought hey what does name calling accomplish. I could go on about how I'm not anti choice and how people should take responsibility for their actions but that is well beyond what you want to hear.:)

Really great piece

Is there a need for that? IS THERE A NEED FOR THAT?! OF COURSE THERE'S A NEED FOR THIS! BATMAN IS NOT A SUPERHERO! YOU LEAVE!

Hahahah please tell me you took that seriously?

FUCK you bro, FUCK you.

Boo fuckity hoo.

The facts are true. They're also facile, shortsighted, and completely irrelevant to most people's lives. If you don't want people to disagree with you, you shouldn't post comments. That's also a fact, but it doesn't mean much to our situation, does it?

In my opinion, using birth control (like the author was doing) is responsible. As is making tons of pro/con lists and evaluating not only her situation in life, but the environment into which a baby would be born. To me, it seems extremely responsible to do everything you can to prevent pregnancy (besides remaining abstinent, which is just an unreasonable and laughable request to make of healthy, mature adults), evaluate the situation (in this instance: she acknowledges that she feels she is too young/irresponsible/unprepared-physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc- to raise a child in the manner in which they all deserve to be raised), and then make a decision based on that. 

Even if you disagree with her decision, 1. she was being hella responsible, in my opinion, and 2. it really doesn't matter. You don't get to have a say in someone else's personal life unless you plan to be there throughout it. Were you planning on babysitting for her? Helping with food and clothes? Maybe holding her hand at the hospital? Doubt it.

And lastly, why can't people's energies and time and resources be spent on babies that have already been born? You know the ones: the starving, the abused, the neglected.

I am not sure what you are getting at. Are you saying she should stop having sex altogether? To be blunt, that is stupid. People have sex; it is human nature, and a pleasure. She did what she could to prevent this pregnancy, and it is as simple as that. Maybe now she'll take birth control as well, or maybe she will choose her sexual partners more carefully. However, I don't think these are the things you meant.

Did you not read that the author wants to be a mother eventually? Pretty sure sterilizing herself or getting her tubes tied will make that impossible…

And that person has the right to tell them to shut up. It's called freedom of speech and it's fucking awesome.

What a horrible little shit you are.

Tell it to the Virgin Mary….no sex can equal a baby.

thank you for this. it was incredibly brave of you.

Adoption is an alternative to raising a child, not an alternative to pregnancy.  It hardly seems reasonable to compare the two.

…Right, okay.  Well done.

Do you have a reading comprehension problem?  Where did I ever say that I don't want people to disagree with me?  Do you think it's all right to act like an utter filth-spewing bitch to people you don't know just because you're “passionate” about this issue (or whatever)?

Get a grip.  “Human nature,” my ass — like people are animals who can't help themselves.  Life doesn't start and stop at your convenience — but your unborn kid's life certainly will, won't it?

So we get to kill kids until we decide that we want them.  A blip of infinite potential?  Hell, snuff that right out until it's convenient for you.  That's what you're saying.

People are just animals who can't help themselves, right?  That's a really great way to shirk responsibility.

You're running on empty, babe.  Take a break.

Wow, this is SO well written. I really identified with you, as I read your story. It's important to hear stories about abortion experiences that do not read 'I wish I hadn't done it.' This was a very real, relate-able tale that reminds young women that you can have an abortion and move on with your life.

You didn't say explicitly that you don't want anyone to disagree with you, but you've dedicated most of every reply you've made to me with whining about how I'm trying to “shut you down” or trying to “shut (you) up”. It's kind of silly. And now I'm a “filth-spewing bitch” for replying to you? I'm sorry I'm not pretending that I don't find your comments rude and obnoxious, but – as you yourself said – if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the fucking kitchen.

I'd also like to state, for the record, that I made every effort to be accomodating to you until you commenced the aforementioned whining.

I didn't mention “human nature” so I don't know where that little outburst came from. If you want to debate when life begins you'll find plenty of people to discuss it with, but I'm not going to play that little game with you. I don't enjoy that kind of masturbation. And if you want to suggest that abortion is ever a simple matter of convenience then I suggest you keep that one entirely to yourself. I'm really, honestly sorry to say this but to say something like that makes it incredibly difficult for me to believe that you have actually lived through the experience of abortion or the loss of a child. I'm really sorry to say that, but it's true.

I don't need to 'get a grip'; this issue has a grip on me that will never be loosened. But what I do have a grip on is decorum, which is why I would never, bloody ever be as rude to someone who has been through abortion as you consistently are. Nor would I ever, ever attempt to tell people who have been through it how they should conduct their private lives. For everyone's sake, mate, please take a step back and think about your behaviour. Regardless of your views, to behave as you are is mere petulance. They are relevant to life only in the sense that they bring to mind a certain Shakespearean soliloquy on the subject, which I will spare us the embarrassment of quoting here. Good night and good luck.

Silly comments garner silly responses. I'm not running on empty, I just refuse to expend energy replying serious to flippant buffoonery.

I seriously doubt she's planning on using abortion instead of condoms, if that's what you're suggesting.

“You didn't say explicitly that you don't want anyone to disagree with you”–and you're done.  Maybe this is projection, or maybe you really do have a reading comprehension problem.  I don't know.

What I do know is that you're crusading up and down this comments section and swearing at everyone who posts an opinion contrary to yours.  To hear you lecturing now about decorum and petulance is hilarious.

Again, get a grip.  Your self-righteous emotional reaction to this issue is clouding your capacity to behave.

I'm taking this to its logical conclusion, since it's provided for that the condoms/birth control/whatever “being careful” means now didn't work.  Since (in this hypothetical) she's unwilling to sterilize herself because she wants to be a mother someday, but she acknowledges that she's not ready to be a mother NOW — well, you've either got abstinence, which is 100% effective, or just hope for the best and relive this abortion scenario if/when it comes up again.  Anyone who chooses the latter is either not sufficiently sincere on how horrible the situation was or else just hopelessly in denial about the facts of life.

Hmm, no, you're wrong. Swearing has nothing to do with this, at all. You're changing the subject. You've told me I have a “reading comprehension problem” – twice – yet you're refusing to engage with anything I say. In fact, you say so in the first sentence of this comment. Pot kettle black, shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits*.

Accusing me of crusading doesn't make my opinion invalid. And since it is my opinion of your behaviour, self-righteousness is a strawman (at best). Again, you're changing the subject and refusing to deal with the issue at hand. And funnily enough, the issue at hand isn't even abortion anymore. It's about you being rude, judgmental and indeed, self-righteous, but then getting shirty when someone calls you out on it (without simultaneously licking your arse). Your point seems to be that it's impolite to tell someone they're being impolite.

You're right, I am emotional about abortion. I can't help but be. But the reason I wrote to you, and to the other two people I've written to, was that your reaction was insensible and crude. It wasn't my sensitivity that made me respond to you, in was your insensitivity. I will admit that I'm emotional about people who think they know about a serious subject they haven't experienced who think that their half-assed opinions are worthy of respect also.

If you're going to reply, please make it relevant to my comment this time. If not, then I invite you to start with the following:

“”Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits*” – I pussied out of actually engaging with you, so I just complained about the swearing instead.”

*these seven words appear courtesy of George Carlin.

thank you everyone for your thoughts! <3

Interesting article…I find stuff like this a bit too personal to be put up but ah well..

Don't forget in your hypothetical situation, she probably wouldn't even be allowed to get a tubal ligation, since she's still in her early 20s and doesn't already have children. So that's not even an option.

“Just hope for the best?” That's ridiculous. Sure, using condoms or BC pills is not 100% effective, but she is using them. It's not as though her partner is wrapped in Saran Wrap and they're crossing their fingers as he ejaculates. 

I would also guess, since the author seemed really responsible to me (I guess this is where we'll disagree, since you seem to think the only way to be responsible is to wear a chastity belt), she'll probably start using two different types of birth control in order to avoid a future abortion.

And let's talk about some facts of life. 1. Sex is natural, and healthy, and awesome. 2. You don't get pregnant automatically from having sex and there are ways to prevent it. 3 You don't get to tell people how to live their lives (this isn't even about your stance on abortion so much as your Victorian attitude about sex).

Who, Charlie Kelly?

It is my life goal to change the mind of just one anti-choicer. I'd also like to become fluent in German.

Come on, now.  This is hardly fair.

“It's not as though her partner is wrapped in Saran Wrap…” and “chastity belt,” and even “Victorian attitude” are three straw men only loosely based on what I said.  If you want to argue against your own custom-made caricatures, you don't need me here.

1. You're right, but children resulting from sex is also natural.  Moreover, sex is meant to produce offspring.  I may enjoy eating, but the evolutionary purpose of eating is not for my enjoyment.  (If anything, the enjoyment of the act is a way to entice us to survive/propagate our species.)

2. See 1.  Again, two different types of birth control (or ten thousand) don't eliminate the chances of an unwanted pregnancy.  Abstinence does.  Every time I say this, you and others dredge up straw men and talk about how like stupid abstinence is.  But again, people don't have a right to sex.  And I'll indulge my own straw man to illustrate what I'm talking about: you must be railing against abstinence because you're too weak, pathetic, and self-indulgent to control your own urges.

3. See ages ago, when I clarified that I'm not telling anyone how to live her life.  (And even if I were, guess what: I DO get to tell people pretty much
whatever I want, especially on an internet forum.)  It's not my life goal, in fact, to change the mind of just one pro-abortion person.  Get off your high
horse.

Look, I'm not going to do your research for you.  Look it up on Google.  “Babies who survive abortion.”  It's easy.

Rude comments deserve rude responses.  I refuse to expend any more energy on your reading comprehension problem.  (There, that's three.)

You're right, rude comments do deserve rude responses. So it was very nice of me to answer your rude comment politely, wasn't it? I'm glad you've gone from repeating what you've said to repeating what I've said, even if it's devoid of any logical context and as shallow and empty as everything else you've said. I'll take this, and the democratic love of our brethren, as I sign that I was right about you all along. Adieu, mon ami.

I shouldn't have brought up strawmen, they're clearly your new favourite plaything…

LOL.

That was a joke. 

You so clearly need to get laid. Use protection!

Why do you hate sex so much?

I don't understand why people are saying this is beautifully written or that you're brave and strong. Um, this is really sad. Everything in this article is weird. One night stand? Getting Drunk and Partying..? Sounds so immature. Why is this considered normal. This kind of lifestyle sucks. Everything about this article Sucks.

LOL – thats right there's nothing else you can say, since that person just totally won the argument. (=

Can you read? He didn't even respond to anything I said.

Abstinence isn't stupid. If you want to practice abstinence, that's great. Congratulations to you. What is stupid is acting as though it something that everyone else wants to-or even can- practice. Different strokes for different folks, you know. And people don't have a right to sex? What does that even mean? I feel like sex, and the other things I do with my adult body in the privacy of my own apartment, are the only rights I have left. If you want to get technical, we don't have the rights to do much- like own a computer, for example. I don't see that in the Bill of Rights, do you? Yet we both clearly do. I just don't understand the point of you saying sex isn't a right. 
To me, it seems like you just don't like sex. I'm not even trying to be funny, or bitchy. I think we all understand that having sex can potentially create a baby, but you think even if she's using 10000 types of birth control, she's still being irresponsible? Seriously? I'm curious about what you think of guns. Just as sex always has the potential to create a baby-even if you take steps to avoid it-, guns always have the potential to kill people-even if you keep it locked up, bullets separate, etc. And you really are telling people what to do. That's all you've been doing, constantly saying she's irresponsible for not being abstinent. I just really don't understand why you keep saying this. Yes, abstinence is the only way you can 100% not get pregnant- unless you're raped, of course- but it is not a reasonable thing to force on people. That's why abstinence only education just doesn't work. 

We clearly have a different sense of humor, and that's fine. I thought including the bit about German at the end would clue readers in that I was joking. Oh, well. And, yet once again, don't tell me what to do. I'll get off my horse when I'm good and ready, thanks.

This is definitely the type of article that should be up and about. thank you very much for sharing.

god you are so stupid please just stop commenting

Actually, closer to my argument is that sex is natural, and not supposed to be a bad thing. It is enjoyable and in most cases, generally healthy. There are ways to have sex without harmful effects. i agree with the guy below me; why do you hate sex so much?

I'm hoping you're just trolling, because otherwise that is just an incredibly sad and pathetic thing to say.

Reality sucks.

Thank you for writing this.

this is beautiful