Some Pick Up Lines I Have Used And Their Effectiveness On A Scale Of One To Love

Aug. 30, 2011

By Kat George info

Kate George is the Managing Editor at Portable.tv. Lives like Die Hard but with a Katy Perry vibe. Follow her on ...

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What you are about to learn is in no capacity educational, nor will it help you pick up members of the opposite sex. The only thing to be taken away from the following is that I am hopeless with men. I guess, in one sense, you might find this exegesis helpful, insofar as you let it serve as a warning or A Guide To Things You Should Never Say To People You Want To Sleep With.

The Ultimate Nerd

The Line: I had just moved to New York City and I was in a Manhattan bar with a girlfriend. She knew a guy there and while they started talking I was introduced to his gorgeous friend in one of those awkward conversations where two wingmen are thrust together with nothing but charm and wit to guide them, or in my case, complete social retardation. My brain started scrambling for things to say, and between the useless debris of a law degree, years of travel, exciting writing opportunities and a recent move to a new city, this is what I said: “so I saw something really cool on the Internet today.”

The Outcome: The line was followed by a dull thud inside my skull, and then a long, piercing scream. Really Kat? Really, is this how you’re going to pick up this amazingly good-looking man in front of you? To my horror, he just looked at me and half asked, half said “Yeah?” I was in it now. There was no going back—and so I described to him the world map I’d found online with the countries all swapped around so the ratio of population to land mass was complimentary. Pakistan was in Australia. We ended up dating casually and semi-awkwardly for a while, and now we’re good friends, so it wasn’t the complete disaster it could have been.

One To Love: 10. Even though there wasn’t much love happening, I managed to use the worst pick up line ever used in the history of the world to make a really wonderful friend.

The Heavy Innuendo

The Line: Last Cinco De Mayo I was at a bar wearing some crazy pants I bought from a thrift store in Oklahoma—they’re cream with multi-colored threads coming out of the fabric down the leg all the way around the pant (and are very difficult to describe). A really, really cute guy at the bar tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Are those theme pants? The remind me of a piñata!” Obviously, my reply was, “yes they are. Would you like to beat me with your stick?”

The Outcome: He just laughed and turned his back to me.

One To Love: 0. Dirty pick up lines are cute when joked about among friends, but apparently not so with strangers.

The Facebook Play

The Line: I once met a guy at a friend’s party and I found him both attractive and interesting, so the next day I added him on Facebook and sent him this message: “Hey! It was nice to meet you the other day at Tom’s. I hope this doesn’t sound strange but it’s definitely going to (keep in mind I’m Australian and most of us are NOT OK)—can I buy you a drink sometime? It will probably only have to be one because I’m a super poor freelancer, but it would be nice to hang out. Let me know! X”

The Outcome: He wrote back: “Hey Kat! Super nice meeting you as well! While I am VERY flattered, I am sort of seeing someone right now.” To which I felt the need to reply: “That’s actually a huge relief. I just realized I only have $2 in my purse anyway.”

One To Love: 2. Although despite the lack of love, I did manage to damage control pretty well, if you ask me, so I get points.

The Land Down Under

The Line:  When I was 21 and backpacking through Europe I met a dreamy-eyed American boy at my hostel bar one night. After a boozy evening in Rome that involved a bar crawl and several thousand tequila shots, we got closer and closer, until finally his hand was one my knee and I turned to him and said (I shit you not, I said this), “Have you ever kissed an Australian before?”

The Outcome: We drunkenly started making out before he invited me back to his house. Once there, I found myself on his bed momentarily, but before anything sexy could happen between us, I was in the bathroom hurling like a shot-put champion. I threw up all over his tiles and toilet bowl before passing out on the floor. The next morning he refused to come within 3 feet of me and directed me to the bus station. When I got to my hostel, the receptionist told me I smelled like a hobo.

One To Love: 0. But then, youthful hostelling and using your nationality to mack on guys was never going to make a successful recipe for love, now was it?. TC mark

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image – Dave Parker

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    I actually wanted this to be longer. I got to the end and was like, “Aw, is that all?” This was clever, KG.

    • mashka

      I too wanted to hear more about these lines. This has inspired me to compile a list of my ridiculous lines because I’m sure there have been many.

    • Plopman

      can we be friends again samie rose?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

        That’s assuming we were friends in the first place.

  • guest

    i agree with the previous comment. more! :) 

  • guest

    i agree with the previous comment. more! :) 

  • http://twitter.com/iamthepuddles irreverent puddles

    “using your nationality to mack on guys”
    perhaps not YOUR nationality, but in london my girls and i made great sport of “Wow, I’ve never kissed an [Albanian/Italian/Irishman/German/Indian/Etc] before!”
    I do NOT hyperbolize when I say that this tactic never failed us once, and we used it nightly. #protip if you’re planning on a classy night

    • mashka

      ha how could that NOT work you’re basically setting the guy up for an easy pick up “well do you wanna see what it’s like?” ~wink~ ~awkward moment~ then he goes in for the kill and la la la la everyone is happy

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    making The Facebook Play is interesting because the receiving party always has more than enough time to compose a proper response.

  • Mandy

    LOLing SO HARD at “The Heavy Innuendo”

  • http://twitter.com/joshliburdi Josh Liburdi

    i can’t believe thought catalog has become one of the websites that uses in-content ads (those hovering flash links). what the. 

    trying to go back and read the article.

    • Guest

      ABP bro, ABP.

  • http://twitter.com/V_V_Smalls Valerie Valentine

    How to Write a blog entry that will appeal to all people who enjoy  blogs:Rate things from 1 to food, or cuddly animal. Or pretty much anything thats not a numberRepeatedly point out the fact that you’re twenty something- therefore somewhat knowledgable, but still young enough to be attractive.SOMETIMES WRITE LIKE THIS
     
    Perpetually beat yourself down in witty self-deprricating humor therefore socially acceptable manner.Actually be crying in tears alone in your room while you type away.Speak half like a robot- half like a pseudo interesting english major making sure to keep language dumb and therefor easier to read by the masses.Write super long full block paragraphs that no one will want to read because there are fifty of them.make fun of all the bros and young dumb teenagers who rage about how hard they rage on alcohol and complain how tequila is only for teenagers.Complain of how hard you raged last night from drink 6 bottles of wine alone in your bed (much cooler).Categorize everyone around you into buckets because its impossible for anyone to actually be original or an individual, and hey, people all are the same everywhere.Document and satirize all social media trends that you were online every single second to witness live and ‘be in the know firsthand’.Give Romance advice, but really mean the opposite of what your saying. Apply to whole blog.Hate hipsters.Be a Hipster.Admit you know shit about shit and really, why is anyone reading this, because you are just word vomiting onto a page by this point and half-hoping someone will find this somewhat amusing?End on run on sentence and/ or question mark.

  • http://twitter.com/V_V_Smalls Valerie Valentine

    How to Write a blog entry that will appeal to all people who enjoy  blogs:Rate things from 1 to food, or cuddly animal. Or pretty much anything thats not a numberRepeatedly point out the fact that you’re twenty something- therefore somewhat knowledgable, but still young enough to be attractive.SOMETIMES WRITE LIKE THIS
     
    Perpetually beat yourself down in witty self-deprricating humor therefore socially acceptable manner.Actually be crying in tears alone in your room while you type away.Speak half like a robot- half like a pseudo interesting english major making sure to keep language dumb and therefor easier to read by the masses.Write super long full block paragraphs that no one will want to read because there are fifty of them.make fun of all the bros and young dumb teenagers who rage about how hard they rage on alcohol and complain how tequila is only for teenagers.Complain of how hard you raged last night from drink 6 bottles of wine alone in your bed (much cooler).Categorize everyone around you into buckets because its impossible for anyone to actually be original or an individual, and hey, people all are the same everywhere.Document and satirize all social media trends that you were online every single second to witness live and ‘be in the know firsthand’.Give Romance advice, but really mean the opposite of what your saying. Apply to whole blog.Hate hipsters.Be a Hipster.Admit you know shit about shit and really, why is anyone reading this, because you are just word vomiting onto a page by this point and half-hoping someone will find this somewhat amusing?End on run on sentence and/ or question mark.

    • anon

      say what

    • Anonymous

      bro..

    • Anonymous

      formatting issueees :P way to clearly express your point xD #fail

  • http://www.facebook.com/giygaskeptpraying Dan Feng

    the only line i know is

    how do you like your eggs in the morning? fertilized?

    • Boats

      ahahaha. i hope this is a direct reference to the song, “fried or fertilized”.

  • Jay

    This is effin brilliant. I want more!

  • Rosy

    Love it! To be continued…? Please?

  • Anonymous

    Women need pick-up lines?

    • http://rayguntest.tumblr.com Raegan

      Yes, this being the 21st century and everything…

  • jack

    i saw something cool on the internet today is my only pickup line

  • a.

    “Have you ever kissed an Australian before?”

    I’m so using that.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Oh Kat, if anything this proves there is nothing wrong with beginning a conversation by talking about something cool you saw on the internet! See! FRIEND ZONE! So it… mostly kinda half worked, I guess.

    Nice comeback with that Facebook play, btw.

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