Seven Things Young Women Need To Stop Doing Right Now

don’t tell me what to do

don’t tell me what to do

don’t tell me what to do

i like #6

i call men bitches, whores, and sluts, too, though, what are your thoughts on that

Let’s be the arbiter of what is acceptable for every single young woman on the planet! Wee!

I got a wrist tattoo before it was the new dolphin-on-your-ankle tattoo. But mine is a misspelled allusion to an emo song, so I’ll never outgrow it.

Or we can take everything really seriously.

LOVE  LOVE LOVE  it! I would send it to my daughter, but she already admonished me for sending her too many TCs.

LOVE  LOVE LOVE  it! I would send it to my daughter, but she already admonished me for sending her too many TCs.

love. this. going to send it to all my 20-something friends. 

Somewhere, Ryan O’Connell is wearing suspenders and yelling, “This is my beat, damnit! MY BEAT.” 

I think it is crule of you to make fun of my dysxelia

How about “Stop Forgoing Proofreading”, i.e. “wear a bra”…do you want them to stop, or to start wearing a bra? 
There are so many things wrong with this article…and I’m not talking about editing. 

I could take him.

If I don’t feel like wearing a bra, I am not going to wear a bra. How’s that for feminism up your ass. 

BWAHAHAHA!

This is lame, condescending and overly generalizing. I think you meant to “mean well” but it’s actually pretty hard to tell.

Is ‘slore’ acceptable?

It’s the truth. I commend you.

Thank you for introducing me to the term jagwagon

Not my term, but use it freely.

Bitch.

i dont know honey…..

hmm, whether i agree with these guidelines or not, i find the didactic tone + the author’s age = problematic.  i wouldn’t mind hearing this stuff from my mom, or even a cool older lady like helen mirren but such vitriolic self-righteousness from a woman who is younger than me (and, i’m guessing, most of the readers of this site) and so, it may be inferred, knows less about life than i do, makes my sass-o-meter through its glass bubble

can’t we get a similar piece written by somebody’s completely awesome mom/ant/grandma/mentor who actually knows a thing about a thing?

“And now, every reason why my grandma thinks you whippersnappers need to cheer the fuck up”

… This has potential, now that I’m looking at it.

“your strife isn’t twee” sold me.

I liked this. Number six is very, very, very true. Ugh.

Where are you finding these women?!? I’m a young woman, and the ones you’re describing sound like caricatures.

“Request excellence of you and others, but don’t turn into a sad-sack because you’re not your own ideal.” SO TRUE.

You have a pretty poor understanding of statistics if you think voting is a hallmark of intelligence.

The people hating on this article are the ones that realize it was written for them.

This was an awesome piece. 

it doesn’t seem to me that you’ve met very many “young women” at all, it really sounds like you’re talking about a few people in particular, seems pretty naive and silly to address “young women” as a group with this. also you’re call to stop using female-directed pejorative terms is rendered irrelevant by the fact that this whole article is so oddly unflattering and disdainful of women. might as well just call all young women whores and spare us all. but the good news is that this is a dumb blog post that will be buried deep in the bowels of internet obscurity by the time i get home from work.

I would love it if someone’s ant wrote a response to this article. 

Wait, why do girls have to wear bras? I love sexy hippie chicks. Ha. 

you’re cool

I really really really enjoyed this article the one thing I didn’t like was when you said “You’re not perfect but there’s a very small percentage of females who are”. The truth is that no one is perfect. They may seem perfect but everyone has their flaws. Just a thought. Besides that, really good article.

There is absolutely nothing offensive in this post. I’m honestly curious as to what people found so provocative about this that they have to be all outraged and trolly about it. 

Oh that’s right, I forgot to follow hipster code and view everything ironically. My bad.

If someone is a young woman and none of this applies to them, then they can read this and be happy that they can’t be lumped into this group. These things do exist, and girls should love themselves and be themselves. I find it hard to believe if you can’t think of one young woman doing one (or all) of these things.

sure I have, just never felt the need to paint any of those traits in a negative light because they’re not things that are plaguing my existence in any way. some people do lame shit, sometimes they’re girls. next. anyway I appreciate the first sentence of your comment but still maintain that this whole thing is a gross generalization. also, the last sentence of my comment above is really what I’m sticking to. goodnight.

absolutely love this list! and so true. i’m gonna try to start using jagwagon instead of slut but i probably won’t give up calling my computer a whore when it slows or freezes on me.

They’re everywhere. If you don’t know anyone who demonstrates any of the aforementioned habits, count yourself fortunate. However, most of said females probably lack the self awareness to realize that they exhibit said behaviors often.

Thought I was going to hate this. Read it anyway, and enjoyed. I agree with you, and this was funny to read. 

Strife should never be twee. 

I like this a lot.

ant ?

Regarding the Don’t Play Dumb thing  — it is true that no woman should be satisfied with a partner who considers her to be ‘less than,’ and in fact dates her on that merit.  But I think there’s another unfortunate rule in play — that girls shouldn’t play stupid, yes, but they should also take care to not be too sharp either.

I have dated my fair share of dudes in NYC  — nothing to really brag about, given dudes of NYC — and it seems that even the most progressive men here are, generally-speaking, fairly insecure beings at the core.  They may not want an airhead as a lifelong companion, but it’s happened more than once that my confidence and intellect have been a detriments to long-term dating prospects.  Outwardly these men come across as Awesome People Who Are Aware Of This Fact, but I eventually realize that on the inside, they aren’t as confident in their brains and wit as they’d want you to believe.  These doubts about themselves would become magnified when spending time with me, this random verbose girl who tells jokes and doesn’t end her sentences with, “…but I mean, I don’t know. I could be wrong.”  I’m not saying I’m perfect — one of my many regrets — but I feel like it’s this particular facet of my personality that has been the deal breaker in my dating life recently.

Sure, at the end of the day I don’t really want to be with someone who is insecure enough to view me as a threat to their tenuous self of identity or masculinity.  But it’s really frustrating when this type of bro becomes the rule and not the exception.  I worry from time to time if I’m wrong in my theory and it’s my own personality to blame, but then I meet the girls they date afterwards and it’s usually the same prototype.  They are suuuuuper nice, suuuuper sweet, don’t talk in groups that much, and basically act as a personal audience for their new boyfriend.  And that just sounds like a suuuuper boring way to live life.

But I mean, I don’t know. I could be wrong.

(TL;DR: FOREVER ALONE)

Even though I agree with most of this, I am, for the first time, offended by ThoughtCatalog.  This doesn’t pertain to Me  and this doesn’t pertain to Young Women.  The flaws you are listing (even though you subordinate them to the idea that women should be easier on themselves) are equally prominent in men.  Maybe the baby voice is more of a female issue, but there are certainly corresponding ills that befall malekind.  

FYI, I’m not interested in what a man thinks I need to stop doing — perhaps this should have been the last item on your list (“Don’t read too much into this list because it’s only one more example of men telling you how you can better mold yourself to men’s needs” or something like that).  

Most offensive, probably, was the shortest piece of advice: Wear a bra.  Fuck you, wear a jockstrap.  I’ll do what I want with my body and I certainly won’t conform to this list out of anything more than common sense.  Have a little more faith in your readers – I doubt the baby voice girls overlap much with the ThoughtCatalog audience.  Then again, I am a CAPITAL-F FEMINIST, so my opinion is clearly valued in direct proportion to how easily my belief in equality can be derided with the stunning use of capital letters.

Even though I agree with most of this, I am, for the first time, offended by ThoughtCatalog.  This doesn’t pertain to Me  and this doesn’t pertain to Young Women.  The flaws you are listing (even though you subordinate them to the idea that women should be easier on themselves) are equally prominent in men.  Maybe the baby voice is more of a female issue, but there are certainly corresponding ills that befall malekind.  

FYI, I’m not interested in what a man thinks I need to stop doing — perhaps this should have been the last item on your list (“Don’t read too much into this list because it’s only one more example of men telling you how you can better mold yourself to men’s needs” or something like that).  

Most offensive, probably, was the shortest piece of advice: Wear a bra.  Fuck you, wear a jockstrap.  I’ll do what I want with my body and I certainly won’t conform to this list out of anything more than common sense.  Have a little more faith in your readers – I doubt the baby voice girls overlap much with the ThoughtCatalog audience.  Then again, I am a CAPITAL-F FEMINIST, so my opinion is clearly valued in direct proportion to how easily my belief in equality can be derided with the stunning use of capital letters.

Even though I agree with most of this, I am, for the first time, offended by ThoughtCatalog.  This doesn’t pertain to Me  and this doesn’t pertain to Young Women.  The flaws you are listing (even though you subordinate them to the idea that women should be easier on themselves) are equally prominent in men.  Maybe the baby voice is more of a female issue, but there are certainly corresponding ills that befall malekind.  

FYI, I’m not interested in what a man thinks I need to stop doing — perhaps this should have been the last item on your list (“Don’t read too much into this list because it’s only one more example of men telling you how you can better mold yourself to men’s needs” or something like that).  

Most offensive, probably, was the shortest piece of advice: Wear a bra.  Fuck you, wear a jockstrap.  I’ll do what I want with my body and I certainly won’t conform to this list out of anything more than common sense.  Have a little more faith in your readers – I doubt the baby voice girls overlap much with the ThoughtCatalog audience.  Then again, I am a CAPITAL-F FEMINIST, so my opinion is clearly valued in direct proportion to how easily my belief in equality can be derided with the stunning use of capital letters.

Even though I agree with most of this, I am, for the first time, offended by ThoughtCatalog.  This doesn’t pertain to Me  and this doesn’t pertain to Young Women.  The flaws you are listing (even though you subordinate them to the idea that women should be easier on themselves) are equally prominent in men.  Maybe the baby voice is more of a female issue, but there are certainly corresponding ills that befall malekind.  

FYI, I’m not interested in what a man thinks I need to stop doing — perhaps this should have been the last item on your list (“Don’t read too much into this list because it’s only one more example of men telling you how you can better mold yourself to men’s needs” or something like that).  

Most offensive, probably, was the shortest piece of advice: Wear a bra.  Fuck you, wear a jockstrap.  I’ll do what I want with my body and I certainly won’t conform to this list out of anything more than common sense.  Have a little more faith in your readers – I doubt the baby voice girls overlap much with the ThoughtCatalog audience.  Then again, I am a CAPITAL-F FEMINIST, so my opinion is clearly valued in direct proportion to how easily my belief in equality can be derided with the stunning use of capital letters.

Wow, I just realized that the author is a woman.  I’m shocked by your generalizations and I really don’t see how this is any better than calling someone a “bitch,” “slut,” or “whore.”  I repeat, have a little more faith – not only in your readers, but in womankind.  Also, just an idea, get off your soapbox and try to live and let live.

uh. the writer is a girl.

girl, don’t settle.  you’ve got the right idea and you’ll find someone who backs it up eventually.  don’t “play” anything.  just be yo’self.

I dunno if this is any solace to you but nothing is more attractive than a girl who is smarter than me. Any girl that can make me feel stupid has won my heart.

yeah, I realized that.  I’m not sure if that makes this list better or worse.

yeah, I realized that.  I’m not sure if that makes this list better or worse.

hey thanks girl
dude the internet is so nice, I don’t know why people say otherwise

can #6 be ammended to include star tattoos on your ankle and hip bone? your body is also not a lisa frank trapper-keeper.

My self-producing glitter sheen and unicorn-shaped birthmark both beg to differ

introspective. 

You’re telling her to get off of her soap box for a light post like this after your ridiculously intense response to it? Really? Take a joke. Girl power, right? Or is that offensive too?

Whut?

“this random verbose girl who tells jokes and doesn’t end her sentences with, “…but I mean, I don’t know. I could be wrong.” ”
this is my problem too.  don’t ever take care not to be too sharp :)

thought catalog comments: cheaper than therapy, with more emoticons

I just googled “define jagwagon” and “define dinkus.” Cool.

Number 5 should include “Make Friends With Your Parents”. They’re probably thoughtful, intelligent people too and they waited this long to get to know you. Or at least my parents did.

I agree with everyone else, though. This also applies to men. Please don’t call me a bitch or whore even as a joke. It’s horrible and never funny.

“no one else is ever, ever, ever, ever going to love you so much that they just want to call to ask what you had for dinner”

That line really hit close to home. Because no matter how tedious such phone calls may seem to be, we are lucky to be loved that much unconditionally.

I found this empowering and as a sometime insecure 20-something, I can relate. For those who find it offensive, do you read women’s magazines. The tripe in there is loads more offensive than this. At least this article focuses on building better self-esteem and relationships with your loved ones.

I like Number 5 because there’s nothing more exasperating than hearing friends over the age of 25 talk in that high-pitched, drawn out, “you’re so dumb”-tone with their parents. Maybe it’s bc my folks never put up with that shit (like, my dad would hang-up the phone on me if I started), or that they don’t get that if you want your parents to stop treating you like a child you should start treating them like an adult?

Amazing. Laughed so hard at the mom & dad section. So true.

Hmm… I don’t think just because someone is younger than you means s/he knows less than you do. There are many things that we can learn even from people younger than us. At times, they’re even more insightful (and sometimes even more mature) than older people.

My mother kicked me out of the house because I asked if the woman who was suddenly living with us was her girlfriend. We made up, I moved back after a while, and then she kicked me out again for spending my own paycheck. So, uh yeah, y’all don’t complain about your parents. At least they aren’t mine.

If you’ve dated educated/liberal/progressive dudes, maybe you noticed that they can be the most secretlysexist of all? Like, they get -isms on paper but then make jokes about “colonizing dat azz” re: an African girl or wanting their gf to go to some woman’s plastic surgeon. 

Good luck, and fyi good for you… my new year’s resolution was to be less self-questioning aka no more “maybe?” and I am not doing so hot.

thx bro

Absolutely adore this. Agreed.

This was awesome.

Wearing a bra like shaving legs should be a personal choice. Sadly we live in a society where most jobs to be had put limits on personal appearance. If you work a typically 9-5er you might want to wear a bra and shave the legs. I’ve started shaving my pits and legs bc I work as a counselor to youth and I know they would judge me first by that and not want to open up to me. Therefore I have to make myself as open as possible to them. 

i want to be a boy

i want to be a boy

The “I’m only friends with guys ’cause girls are bitchez” needs to be filed under #4.

This article sucks.

I agree that age isn’t always important. However, this article did not come off as if it was written by a young person with an old soul, in my opinion. It came off as self-righteous and catty.  

because it hit right through the heart? har har har

Considering it’s 100+ degrees outside and I’ve got small boobs I’m not going to wear a bra.  It feels AWESOME!

And how about #8 Stop telling people what to do and realize everyone has flaws, love people anyway.

If you’re telling people not to complain about THEIR parents, why are you complaining about YOURS? Hipocrite. Your story was completely nothing compared to what some people go through. Looking for sympathy? Try at least a little harder, your efforts are dissapointing.

Guy friends are less dramatic, I think everyone knows that. Calling them bitches.. that’s something different.

Guy friends are generally less dramatic, i mean… I didn’t mean to stereotype. People are all different. :)

bra-less. actually, bra-free. 
and…calling them whores, yes, so they can notice we’re talking about them, not some dude.

I’m pretty sure calling someone out on their sexist attitude is different than calling someone a ‘bitch’, ‘slut’ or ‘whore’. Regardless of the author’s gender, they are still putting pressure on women to act a way that they find acceptable, rather than allowing women to decide things for themselves. Women are capable of deciding what to do with their own bodies.

As someone who just turned 40, I found this article amusing. A lot of it is just act like a grownup and don’t regress, which is decent advice, and stop obsessing about yourself and realize there’s people and stuff going around you.  Being self-conscious, whether exhibited through bashful insecurity or flagrant acting out for attention, is pretty natural at that age, but to the rest of us, it’s just annoying. Try your best to get rid of it.

Mostly though I only wanted to add that once you hit 40, you will be glad that you wore your bra more often. Gravity is a real bummer. Furthermore, as I look around at my other 40 something friends, let me impart a little more practical advice. Don’t leave the house without sunscreen and moisturizer. Always. Get your face, neck and hands. (I emphasize neck and hands.)  Start putting eye cream on at night every night now. Don’t bother smoking or drinking too much — it’s not that it’ll kill you (you would be so lucky) but that it really ages you when you least want to look aged (like in your late 30′s).  Stand up straight — bad posture leads to early back problems. Eat pretty healthy with a lot of vegetables. This is a two-fer: better skin and better poops. (I say this as someone who has eaten shitty all her life.) Don’t let yourself go to fat. At a certain point, the skin doesn’t pop back like it used to. Most of all, be kind to everyone. This is also a two-fer: being a jerk makes you sour and it shows on your face (it does, trust me); but also, being kind just makes you a happier person and other people are nicer to you, which is no small thing.

One last thing: being 40 is awesome. It’s the perfect balance of being young enough to still enjoy yourself and old enough to be comfortable in your own skin. You can say whatever the hell you want (without being a jerk) without people to gainsay you and you have made enough money over time that you know you can afford things but wanting less of them because you know they don’t mean anything.  So it’s not bad. Something to look forward to.

I felt like this article missed the mark and ended up being condescending. Young women don’t need another article telling them what’s wrong with them.  It just seemed to degrading and I didn’t feel good after reading it.  You make young women sound like whiny brats – a stereotype that doesn’t need to be reinforced.  Odd too considering what you seemed like you were trying to say.

Also, grow up with the whole “wear a bra” thing.  What’s wrong with the natural shape of breasts?  Why do we need to hike them up, pad them and make them look different than how they are?  Or do nipples offend?  Women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies, and it should be a personal choice if they want to wear a bra or not.  We did faze out corsets didn’t we?  I personally find bras uncomfortable but sometimes helpful for extra support for hiking/running.

I felt like you wanted the message to be “love yourself, love your girlfriends, love your parents and just realize everything is going to be ok”.  But it came across as snide.  But maybe your audience wasn’t for young women.  I don’t think you would speak to a room of women like that. 

Good try, but failed to speak to me.

This was the perfect comment to an article I was otherwise rather iffy about. I dunno whether I caught a whiff of a sexist undertone, or if it’s the 5-hr study paranoia talking, but this article was a bit… (insert word I cannot remember). It is a whole lot of “stop being an ungrateful brat and grow up”, but eh, it can be applied to everyone and not just 20-year-old’s-going-on-17.

Wearing a bra doesn’t prevent sagging, contrary to popular belief.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, the list was funny, the comment thread had me tearing up a bit laughing.  You guys are good.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, the list was funny, the comment thread had me tearing up a bit laughing.  You guys are good.

I have no idea why I just spend 20 minutes not working to write this post except I guess I feel like I have lived as one these dudes you describe, and have dated (though not that much, to be honest) both the girl you seem to be and the ones you describe at the end of your post and it stirred something in me. 

 I would say you’re doing it right. You’re going to end up dating a lot of people who aren’t right for you, if you do any amount of dating. That’s because dating has two intents, generally: get laid, and find someone to be in an actual relationship with. And people will do a lot of things to try and get what they want out of it, including obscuring what they actually do want out of it, which can only last so long until one party peaces out. 

“Outwardly these men come across as Awesome People Who Are Aware Of This Fact, but I eventually realize that on the inside, they aren’t as confident in their brains and wit as they’d want you to believe. “That’s probably because they knew you wouldn’t date them if they came across as Not Awesome People Who Are Very Insecure, and because, well, nobody WANTS to be that person. 

I know this isn’t exactly a discovery worthy of publication in Nature (Breaking: Dudes act nice, take ladies to dinner to get in their pants) but don’t stop being smart because some guys didn’t want to date you anymore, there’s LOTS of guys. 
As for the “I could be wrong” – I do this too often myself, actually. I don’t like to come across as some smarty pants know it all, but I guess what it comes down to is we ALL could be wrong so just try and pick smarter shit to say to begin with. Another note: I wouldn’t go so far as Julian, maybe it was joke? Please, be as smart as you are, but the idea that either party should be making the other feel stupid kind of grosses me out. Imagine your response to a girl saying that about a guy. I don’t need girls I date to make me feel stupid – I have the entire universe of people who are better writers and thinkers than I am, male and female a like, to do that. tl;dr: this struck me personally, not trying to shit on your therapy sesh. is this why girls like older men? 

i agree with pretty much everything except the bra thing. 

…yeah being 40 is awesome til your hub leaves you for a 20 year old. 

 appears to be far more simple.

I mean this is great advice and everything but there are many other factors that affect your skin and health than just wearing sunscreen and drinking, honey.

you’re a bit….(insert the word “retarded” here).

then find less dramatic girls, “KT”

so don’t get pissed if i look at your obviously braless boobs.

I’m not Miranda July, too

I’m taken aback — in a good way — that someone would spend that much time thinking about something I wrote, and the insight is really appreciated. 

As for the “I could be wrong” thing — I’m sure it’s not a phenomenon exclusive to women, and it’s definitely healthy to have a sense of self-awareness with regard to being right/wrong.  However, I can say that it’s just something that I notice girls doing more in my personal life, especially during my grad school tenure in a predominately female-enrolled field.  I think you can state your ideas and stances with certainty and still have it be understood that you’re aware it’s your own opinion and that you welcome debate.  The few guys who go to school with me do this and it’s not like I think they are erring on the side of overconfidence just because they omit an “but I could be wrong” at the end of whatever they’re saying.  It seems many girls are more hesitant to express their opinion verbally, I guess, without some sort of caveat of potential inaccuracy, even though they are expressing thoughts they shouldn’t have to “pre-apologize” for…if that makes sense.

And I don’t think your response was ‘shitting on my therapy sesh,’ especially when my Internet therapy sessions are primarily held on Livejournal.  It is no small reassurance to know there are guys — and well, people in general — out there that have the capability to analyze their relationships with others, as opposed to committing the same mistakes over and over, forever and ever, without ever realizing it. 

tl;dr thx bro

NUMBER FOUR, NUMBER FOUR!

calling anyone a whore or slut or anything regarding their sex life is super lame. who cares how many people or who they are having sex with. its their life, as long as its not affecting your life DIRECTLY (which it most likely never will), people should honestly zip their lips! :]

I think the reason a lot of people are offended is because, while this article is encouraging women to get rid of a lot of bad habits, it’s also not taking into account that a lot of women do things like that because that’s what they like/feel comfortable with/etc. A lot of women don’t feel comfortable wearing bras or maybe have small chests and don’t see the need. A lot of women like getting tattoos because they like the way it looks and what it stands for, even if they are those swirly words on their ribs or wherever saying all kinds of stuff like “love” and “breathe” and the other examples that were given. The article has a snide tone to it that is kind of offensive, when the author could have approached the topic with a more open mind and encouraging message, rather than a condescending attitude.

suck. my. hypothetical. dick.
just kidding, that was very rude.
o:
But seriously, I am 20 years old and yeah, I totally fall under a few of these. I would love to not wear a bra more often(Unfortunately my breasts are quite large and I can’t exactly get away with “free-ballin,” especially not with my work-study desk clerk job at my college). I have a swirly-lettered back tattoo that says “Freely Give.” I get a lot of jokes about that, but it’s actually from a bible verse. xD I also have a hummingbird on my right side, right on my ribs, and a tattoo of a mustard tree with a bunch of swirls on my wrist. I use the baby voice a lot, especially with my boyfriend, and sometimes act completely retarded(Which I think is fine, cause I get a damn good bit of amusement out of my own stupidity, and so do other people).
My point is, maybe a lot of people think that some of the stuff I do that is similar to what’s on this list is stupid or not adult-like enough of me. But why should I have to start censoring what I do because of what people like you think is appropriate? I love myself the way I am.

I do agree, though, that you should be nice to your parents, you shouldn’t really talk too much shit about other people in general, let alone using gender-specific offenses against your own gender, you shouldn’t hate yourself, and intelligence is to be valued.

Sigh

 I am aware that I don’t have the worst parents ever. The article describes people complaining about their parents’ concern for them and involvement in their lives; I was complaining about the opposite of that.

Also, I believe you intended to call me a “hypocrite” and you were “disappointed.”

Well that was engaging. 

agreed. seems as though everyone took what they wanted from it but I got a general “you’re in your twenties, cut the crap.”

Bitch.

I disagree with two in a way – EXCEPT at work, I will or won’t wear a bra whenever I damn well want to.

I also disagree with three – again, with the work exception. I will talk about sex as much or as little as I like. It’s a natural appetite, like the need to eat. The WAY we talk about sex is, I think, what you mean here.

but you’re fine with “bitch”?

“I was saying ‘Boo-urns’”

Ah sorry for stereotyping but I dont think Young Women Category 1 would even visit this page.

Stop blaming boys for all your problems.