Seven Things You Will Never Know

Dec. 29, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

Ryan O’Connell is a 25 year-old writer based in the East Village, New York.

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1. You don’t know why things are different between you and your best friend. You don’t know why things feel off. They just do. And here you are, feeling this immense amount of pressure to make it feel how it used to, and you both end up failing. You’re at lunch surrendering to the things you can’t control. When we were younger, we could blame everything on something tangible but it’s not like that anymore. Relationships shift in the night when you’re unconscious. And when you wake up, you find out you were robbed but don’t even bother finding the culprit.

2. You don’t know why you didn’t get the job. Your outfit was impeccable — very “23-year-old who deserves a job” — and the interview went swimmingly. You talked about your favorite books and your respective hometowns. Time just flew. You were supposed to be there for only thirty minutes but it turned into an hour. You left the office feeling like a million bucks but that slowly got depleted when you never heard back. When they finally informed you that they went with someone within the company, your spirit had become an overdrawn bank account.

3. You don’t know why this jerk isn’t texting you back. Maybe they don’t like you or are scared they like you too much. (Does the latter ever happen though? Do people ever get freaked out, like in a negative way, when they actually like someone and they know the person likes them back? Maybe they do. If so, we’re doomed.) You’re thinking of a myriad of different things while waiting for that response back. Most of which are some variant of “I’m not good enough. I probably smell weird. How am I supposed to get someone to love me when they can’t even send me a damn text message?” You’ll never know the real reasons why they aren’t going to text you back. Trust me. It’s better not knowing.

4. You don’t know if you’re going to transition well to adulthood and get a nice paying job. You don’t know if you’re ever going to get things the same way your parents did. Buying a house, 401ks, health insurance: are any of these things guaranteed to anyone anymore? What are the true markers of adulthood if we have to keep on living paycheck to paycheck, can’t afford to raise a family, or even buy a nice winter coat? How will we know if we made it?

5. You don’t know why you hooked up with that disgusting person years ago. You had no interest in seeing them naked and then it just happened. This foreign body was on top of you and trying to make your insides feel good when all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and watch Friday Night Lights. It’s amazing how many things we do without knowing the rationale behind it. We spend our days doing everything with a sense of purpose and then, all of a sudden, we just become possessed. I feel like we do things that are out of character because we need to shock ourselves. Self-awareness can be overrated and tiresome. By sleeping with someone who repulses you, we’re reminded that we don’t know ourselves completely.

6. You don’t know why you remember some people and forget others. It seems like you’re always missing people who never miss you back. Can that, like, stop?

7. You don’t know math. You don’t need to know math. Math is unknowable. TC mark

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  • Sophia

    “It seems like you’re always missing people who never miss you back. Can that, like, stop?” Amen, Ryan. This is the worst.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Take what you said about math back.  Not cool. 

  • Anon

    This pretty much sums up my life right now. God.

  • http://twitter.com/trail3rtrash Alix Noelle

    Just all of number three.
    All of these actually.
    But especially number three.

  • Along with math

    You will never fully accept that “them” is a plural pronoun… ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Them is fightin’ words.

  • AC7761A

    What happened to Kat George?

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Only Kat George would wonder what happened to Kat George.  I’m onto you, AC7761A. 

  • future gopher

    Why would anyone get a 401k?  Bernanke’s QE’s have made them worthless.

  • Katie

    I’m the jerk who won’t text you back because she’s afraid she likes you too much. If I really, really, really like someone, I will just flat out tell them the opposite because admitting I like them terrifies me so much. I feel like I’m in first grade or something. It’s horrible.

  • J Sharwood

    No. 2 is fixable. Call the interviewer and politely ask for some feedback. It may be the thing that makes them remember you next time a position comes up or may be something you can change for other interviews.

  • Anonymous

    Ugh #4 is fuelling my pre graduation panic attacks on a regular basis. (#7 too, but with less stress).

  • Mslaurie

    Beautiful. 5, 6, and 7…actually scratch that. All of these are hilariously accurate (some less hilarious and more sad). I love your articles!

  • guest

    “Maybe they don’t like you or are scared they like you too much.”

    It’s more like sometimes when you like them a lot and you haven’t gotten some really stand out, obvious signals you just get scared of getting rejected and give up. I’ve done that, and then realized oh wait maybe they did actually really like me and I should have put more effort into it. Dating is stupid.

  • SJ

    Just wait until POST-graduation. No longer being able to say “I’m in college” or “I’m a student” to distract firm what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.  Just a lot of free time.

  • Anonymous

    Is “a myriad” an acceptable use now? I’m honestly curious. I thought it was just “myriad,” with no article before it, but I was recently told that either form is allowed..?

  • RJB

    5, 6, 7 are brilliant…the Friday Night Lights line made me laugh so much…this was me, a year ago. 

  • RJB

    5, 6, 7 are brilliant….the Friday Night Lights line made me laugh so much…that was me, a year ago. 

  • http://twitter.com/ciaoalexis Alexis Brown

    Yeah. As are starting sentences with “And” and ending sentences with prepositions….or so I’ve heard. I hope it’s true; you can be so much more casual just letting a preposition hang around at the end of a sentence with its pants down in the breeze.

  • Bri

    I enjoy you Ryan

  • Kaitlin

    Them is also useful because our language does not make a lot of room for gender neutral pronouns…

  • a.

    I know I really like someone when I run away. Yes, I realize that makes my maturity level about 5 years old.

  • http://twitter.com/SophiiieCooke Sophie Cooke

    One of my favourite of yours! I especially like 1, 5 & 7. 7 is amazing :)

  • la

    i love grammar

  • Natalie

    I’ve had No.1 happen before, it was exceptionally odd because we both knew something was different, but it was some intangible thing. As for No.7, well, that’s how I got a job. But when it comes to collecting money  to pay after eating out, I just can’t do that so who knows!

  • beatrice

    Do not diss… the math

  • Staylor733

    I’m going through #1 right now it seems. Definitely a weird feeling to lose a good friend.

  • Mayra Ruiz

    #2 #4 #6 #7  man you totally get me, right now.

  • Robert L.

    #7. #7 all the way. And I’m Asian, too.

  • Laura

    I’ve just read three of your articles in a row and just want to cry now. yay for #20somethingproblems

  • Anonymous

    I second every one of your thoughts…..beautiful write.

  • Anonymous

    You will never know how to fart covertly! on purpose, not just getting lucky ;))

    You will never know if people are talking as much shit about you as you talk about them!

    You will never know if you have the capacity to raise a person to be a self-sufficient and likeable human being! Until you do it, then you can congratulate yourself I guess.

    You will never know what you look like without the lens of a camera or the reversal of a mirror!!!! creepy.
    related – you will never know how to look at both of someone’s eyes at the same time. !

    You will never know what anyone’s voice sounds like in their head! Which sucks because it’s always better than what you hear.

    You will never know how to talk about the weather and sound like you genuinely want to talk about it! Unless that shit is crayyyyyy!!

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