Seven Things A Twentysomething Can’t Do

Most of these are true. 

Minus the tell the truth/commit to plans one, I pride myself in that. 

Most of these are true. 

Minus the tell the truth/commit to plans one, I pride myself in that. 

these are so perfect

Oh my GOD, hilarious. Just this morning I had to buy some stamps and had absolutely no idea where to go, what to do nor what to ask for. I actually did give up in the end and returned home empty-handed… this article makes me feel okay about that!

Oh my GOD, hilarious. Just this morning I had to buy some stamps and had absolutely no idea where to go, what to do nor what to ask for. I actually did give up in the end and returned home empty-handed… this article makes me feel okay about that!

Oh my GOD, hilarious. Just this morning I had to buy some stamps and had absolutely no idea where to go, what to do nor what to ask for. I actually did give up in the end and returned home empty-handed… this article makes me feel okay about that!

Oh my GOD, hilarious. Just this morning I had to buy some stamps and had absolutely no idea where to go, what to do nor what to ask for. I actually did give up in the end and returned home empty-handed… this article makes me feel okay about that!

#7 is so true. So true, in fact, that I scanned this rather than reading the entire thing. I got the gist. You’re funny.

one thing a twenty-something can do:

pretend like being in their 20′s is old

Stamps are at Walgreens.  

 This mostly applies to anybody under the age of 21.  Give us mid-twentysomethings some credit.

Ryan, so completely and painfully accurate. As always.

We have the same name…….

I’m scared…

REALLY?

You’re funny

Your essays are so spot on. I love you.

Your essays are so spot on. I love you.

Incredibly accurate. Geeez, I don’t want to be thirty.

Fuck yeah!  

I’d go so far as to add ‘cook’ to this list. Last time I tried to cook dinner for myself  the fire alarm in my apartment complex went off and I found my way to the nearest Panera

Wow i guess a lot of you 20somethings are inadequate… get your act straight guys! My friends and I all know how to these!

Wow i guess a lot of you 20somethings are inadequate… get your act straight guys! My friends and I all know how to these!

Ryan…I read you religiously. I feel like we live the same life only yours is my homo-glamorized? Anyways, keep writing, I’ll keep reading, and I can continue to draw simliarities between our lives so I feel a little more normal…or insane, whichever one is more socially acceptable in your twenties.

Add “make and keep regular doctor’s appointments” (or “find a doctor to make an appointment with”) and I’m on board.

tell the other authors to move over so you can post more.

tell the other authors to move over so you can post more.

“Seven things a cabbage cannot do.”

 I know that the majority can relate to this, but…I don’t know…I’m not a texter, I enjoy sending handwritten letters in cursive  (a nod to a Catholic education) though they’re primarily to my Army buddy, I’m frugal,  and I enjoy hearing a voice on the other end of a phone.  At least Stevie Nicks understands me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUChFEHuSQc#t=1m17s 

this is hysterical, as are all of your posts. thank you for making me laugh daily.

i had an anxiety attack the last time i went to the post office. mailing a letter is child’s play compared to shipping packages

 marry me

wait a second, so if i ask my crush out she can’t say no?

YUP. I don’t think I’ve had an actual doctor’s appointment since I started college. 

Doesn’t everyone know you can get a stamped envelope at the post office? and I am pretty sure it is even less than a dollar.

This is SUCH an accurate reflection of my life! Somewhere between 19 and 24 actual phone calls = massive anxiety, and it became impossible to watch tv without also texting/eating/interneting. Fingers crossed these issues magically resolve themselves with age.

I find it amusing that people freak out when they have to mail something and don’t know how or where to go. Why does THE POST OFFICE never enter your mind? You can get an envelope, and a stamp, and mail your whatever-it-is all in the same place! (And I promise the clerk will try to hide his/her snicker as you pay for your $.44 stamp with your debit card.)

Really? You can’t do these? Are you 12 still?

Your articles get so dull after awhile. The written equivalent of an MTV reality show. And yes, I am going to put my money where my mouth is and stop reading you/thought catalog. Thks for a few mths of increasingly dull train reads!

Who are you?

Says the person with the username “ASDF”. Competency doesn’t seem to be your strong suit either.

No, that’s where #5 comes in. She won’t say no, but will lie and make up  reason that she can’t.

You’re making me feel old. I’m only 21, and the only thing on that list that fits me is anxiety on the phone. But i have a general anxiety disorder to begin with sooo… 

I actually did blow a friend off a couple times by saying i was looking forward to having the evening alone, he took it well!

THIS IS GOLD.

it really really scares me how i related to each one of these. talk about gaps in our knowledge. glad i’m not the only one who is effed. 

LIFE SUCKS

HAHA sooooo true! ugh…

Slightly disturbed how most people how like ” OMG sooo true!”  I felt I mastered most of this things at 22. Now, I am 24. So, how old are the rest of you guys that still can breathe properly and shit?

Have you been secretly spying on me and my life? because this is like to accurate! I pretty much tick off everything on the list. What is wrong with me!?!?? why can’t I enjoy a movie without needing to check my phone for fb or twitter every  5 seconds!

It’s funny that a comeback on the internet is that ‘oh you’re so big when you’re anonymous!’  As if we should be putting our SSN’s on comments and anyone who doesn’t has a proverbial Groucho mask on…

If you are willing to admit to this level of incompetence then good luck to you. You’re going to need it.
My 5 yr old special needs son can handle most things on this list.
I can’t see how being a pathetic adult is something to brag about.
But this certainly explains a great deal about the future of our global community and society.

I mailed something last week, called someone today, have more money in the bank than my 30 something friends, was exactly on time to an appointment at 8 this morning that the other person (in his 40s) failed to show up to, fully write out all of my text messages and IMs, and own my own business on top of my regular job (very much able to concentrate). Learning how to say no was difficult, but I mastered it a couple of years ago. Did I cover everything? I’m 23.

oh man, laughing hysterically. so true!

Wow, someone seems afraid of being stereotyped!

la di da

at least twice in this article (which is great, don’t get me wrong!) the author refers to himself with female pronouns or as a “sister”…on purpose?

at least twice in this article (which is great, don’t get me wrong!) the author refers to himself with female pronouns or as a “sister”…on purpose?

Nice.

have you heard of sarcasm?

Christopher frizzelle reblogged this on Slog, The Stranger Blog here in Seattle. Congratulations man!

meh, if you think really hard about it on adderall, you can do it

The reference to The Postal Service made me laugh.

The last point, I can relate to the most. I can’t seem to stay focused on one task (outside of work of course). I will watch a movie on my computer, play a game on my iPhone, check Twitter, doodle in my notebook.

However, I do not agree with the bit about language. I try to type in full sentences/words all the time.

Good article though.

Confirming: I’m in my thirties and now I say to things I don’t want to do. I also say yes to a bunch of shit I didn’t in my twenties cuz I’m like, oh, fuck it, this feels good. Yay for me. And yay for you as always, Ryan, my younger gay soulmate. 

You sound like a big ball of fun. 

You sound like a big ball of fun. 

def just finished watching the complete series of Ally McBeal on Netflix Instant… in a minimized window (one of 3 separate open windows with multiple tabs) on my laptop, while playing sudoku on my phone. Spot on, Ryan. Well done, once again. 

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic. If you’re really like this, how do you manage to dress and feed yourself?

Some bank ATMs  have an option to buy sheets of stamps…that’s usually how I buy mine.  And I think the more ridiculous abbreviations in texting/online use are more commonly used by teenagers than us twenty-somethings…but still a funny article!

It’s 2011, bro.

ta.gg/55j

DO I HAVE TO BUY A WHOLE BOX OF ENVELOPES IF I JUST WANT ONE? AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY RETURN ADDRESS ON THE FRONT? IS LICKING THE ENVELOPE REALLY GOING TO SEAL IT? DO STAMPS GO ON THE LEFT OR RIGHT SIDE?

See also: ringing a doorbell instead of texting someone, writing a cheque without consulting Google Image.

How about No. 8: WTF?… still too insecure to embrace a generational joke.

If you ever get your hands on some opium, do yourself a favour and smoke the shit, don’t make tea. 

If you ever get your hands on some opium, do yourself a favour and smoke the shit, don’t make tea. 

If you ever get your hands on some opium, do yourself a favour and smoke the shit, don’t make tea. 

LOL do you also happen to have 23 year old entrepreneur and social extraordinaire for a son? Jeez–talk about taking the humor out of it.  This is a funny piece based on general observation of a certain age group and their characteristics. Somethings I can relate to some I can’t. Move on. 

I’m an early 20-something, and holyshit, bro, you need to get a handle on your life. Just a thought, but you sound like a really shitty, incompetent person, even for a 20-something. I got a better list: 
7 things a 20-something can’t do. . .
1. Get a Job (that pays well because we can’t . . .)2. Get anyone age’s 29+ legitimate respect (understandable, considering . . .)3. I’M GETTING DISTRACTED4. MY GRAMR AND SPELL1NG.  . DETIROTATINGG5. wait, sorry, I was lying, 20-something’s can spell (and lie, and grammar)6. But not well enough to figure out where to buy stamps, I guess?
7. Which is really unfortunate, ’cause we can’t use phones either ’cause of such crippling anxiety and self-consciousness we just can’t harness the technology we were breastfed on. 

lol hey, amber, you’re a woman, right? that means you love dick, and love cooking, and that you’re bad at math, and sciences, too, and that you love pink, and you love lingerie, and jewelry, and babies, and baby animals, and baking, and having babies, and wearing heels… right? 

can I borrow some cash?

just for a little while I’ll pay you back I promise

Every town has a least one Post Office (that place where you *gasp* buy stamps!) it’s not hard. How the hell do you function as an adult?

As a 26 year old: To everyone who says “OMG soooo true!!” and ” OMG this is sooooo accurate!” No. Just no. If you can’t do these things, I consider you an idiot. Not necessarily in the derogatory way, but in the literal sense as someone who is in the lowest category of mental retardation, you can function (sort of) but you can’t do some basic shit like *shock* going to the fucking Post Office. Every city has a least one, use it. I could do everything on this list at 13 years old (even save money! It’s called responsibility!) I have nothing against Ryan, he’s hilarious and this was a funny piece making fun of all you invalids that can barely tie your won shoes without help from mommy. Grow the fuck up. You’re adults (supposedly).

*own shoes* My fingers and my mind have a sketchy connection. ;)

adderall, the twenty something wonder drug

It’s a JOKE people…. I think.

lol No, I just don’t feel the need to flaunt each and every one of my merits in order to prove myself to an article that is obviously being satirical and frivolously universal in the first place.

lolol people get so up in arms about Ryan’s articles.

Ryan O’Connell is very, very gay. 

Definitely with you on 2,3,4, and 7!  Seriously, where does all their money come from???

lolol will forever equal titties to me

All I can say is TOOREAL.
“Yesterday was really hard emotionally. I think I’m moving back home.” – I unfortunately sent this to a former boyfriend and then immediately fell asleep in the middle of the day from the exhaustion of thinking about mailing a letter. I love your articles, Ryan.

#1 and #7 are the only ones that really apply to me. False accusations of twentysomethings!

1this guy is fucking awesome but it is funny that people are taking this way too seriously

haha #1 is so true. buying stamps and envelopes and having to go to the post office seem like SUCH big hassles to me. can’t i just email it/scan it over :(((

What’s a post office?

cannot unsee

gosh i feel bad for the people taking this seriously. IT’S HILARIOUS. get a sense of humor.

LOL you must be in your 20s because you’re following #5 beautifully.

omgz i wanna be you jk you sound like an asshole

pussymonster? get out.

People hardly send snail mail anymore, so it is not wholly surprising that people have a mild anxiety minute when they need to go to the post office. Most of us never had to – and if we never had to go, why would we? I mean, even my foreign pen-pals use email. 

Ryan O’Connell is the best writer on ThoughtCatalog! <3 wish we could be bffs in real life

That’s funny because I feel bad for  people who  think this is amusing.  20-somethings aren’t 12 year  olds, and I’m sorry you’re aging and feel insecure.

If these things are really considered things a 20 something CANT do ( which any person with any kind of IQ can do) then I’m very scared for what the future of this country will look like. I would be ashamed of any 20 something that couldn’t do these things…… I mean, really! My 8 year old can do MOST of these!