Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Your Ex

This is 100% truth.

I do constantly think about having had sex with that person, seeing them naked, being intimate together. It’s such feigned bullshit to “meet for a drink and catch up” when you know damn good and well you still want to be S’ing that D.

Ugh. Exes.

Again, not impossible to remain friends with the exes, unless you’re not over them and still want to jump their balls. THEN WHY PRETEND TO BE THEIR FRIEND?! Get over it and move on. Move on, be fair to yourself, then maybeee salvage a friendship. 

Again, not impossible to remain friends with the exes, unless you’re not over them and still want to jump their balls. THEN WHY PRETEND TO BE THEIR FRIEND?! Get over it and move on. Move on, be fair to yourself, then maybeee salvage a friendship. 

Again, not impossible to remain friends with the exes, unless you’re not over them and still want to jump their balls. THEN WHY PRETEND TO BE THEIR FRIEND?! Get over it and move on. Move on, be fair to yourself, then maybeee salvage a friendship. 

“If being an adult means subjecting ourselves to pure torture with someone who used to love us, then call me Peter Goddamn Pan.” Love it.

Unless, of course, you’re “being friends for a while” to “see if we can develop better communication habits.”

Wait, people don’t do that? Oh. 

It all depends on why you broke up.  My relationship ended last week and I just could not bring myself to remain friends. It is too painful.  Sometimes, keeping in contact might help reconcile, sometimes no contact can help bring them back.  There is no one answer to the best approach.

good luck to you, friend :[

“Oh my god. That tank top you’re wearing has reminded me why I fell in love with you. Let’s get back together!”

I always try this.

“Oh my god. That tank top you’re wearing has reminded me why I fell in love with you. Let’s get back together!”

I always try this.

The Peter Pan line is fairly fucking awesome.

And “meet for a drink” really just means ‘Let’s both try and secretly judge to see who of us is ‘winning’. See also, old friends and colleagues. 

but since you’ve… er, S’ed their D or L’ed their V everything is much more heightened. And competitive. Good fucking christ is it ever.

The Peter Pan line is fairly fucking awesome.

And “meet for a drink” really just means ‘Let’s both try and secretly judge to see who of us is ‘winning’. See also, old friends and colleagues. 

but since you’ve… er, S’ed their D or L’ed their V everything is much more heightened. And competitive. Good fucking christ is it ever.

So true. But Ryan — you live in New York.  It’s the Never Never Land of actual places — no one ever has to grow up. And the sewer alligators. Also.

Anyway — it’s easier to give friends this advice, oftentimes, than listen to it yourself.

I wish “GIRL ARE YOU SERIOUS” resonated so strongly in my head as it does through my mouth.

how do you know everything?

If they were the one who broke your heart, hanging out with them is
going to make you feel so undesirable. You’ll try to look really cute
when you go on your friendship date, in hopes that it will make them
want you again. They’ll say, “Oh my god. That tank top you’re wearing
has reminded me why I fell in love with you. Let’s get back together!”

You mean that doesn’t work?

Ha!  This is amazing. Just like the rest of your essays. Thanks. I agree. Once the tie is severed I think having an emotional/physical “restraining order” is the best way to go. I’ve had ex’s midst break-ups say the “let’s be friends” BS and my retort is, “that’s ok I already have enough friends.” Apples are apples and oranges are oranges. You can’t turn an apple into an orange…nope.

Ryan. All you ever write about are a) relationships and b) homosexuality. Why is this? Have you nothing else to base your life upon and translate into well-constructed sentences? Have you no hobbies but getting laid, being gay, and falling in love? Your one-dimensional nature pisses me off to no end.

Go read a book.

I know of some people I should send this to.

you make some good points, but i don’t think it’s a valid enough reason to cut someone out of your life. i try to stay friends with every guy i’ve been involved with because they all made me happy at one point in my life. even if you can’t forget what you had, as long as you can get along as friends and there are no hard feelings, then make the most of what you CAN have. life is too short for that kind of pettiness. 

Also tortuous is not the same as torturous.  Torturous is reading one of your piece

I’m taking a leap of faith and deciding that there’s more to Ryan than relationships and homosexuality. Just throwing that out there.
Assuming that might be true, what is so bad about writing about those things, especially of you do it well?
Ryan, I find your writing relatable, accessible and your literary voice really speaks to me. Thank you.

if you are hot enough, it works.

THANK YOU!  Why is it so hard for some people to understand such a simple concept?!

another good reason is that being friends with them might alienate your present gf/bf. JUST SAYIN

BUT what if the exes are sleeping together :/

I think Ryan is good at writing articulately about these things and not just random stream of thought nonsense like some of the other regular writers on this site. So maybe he’s like two dimensional. But whatever, he’s a good writer so byeee~

I’m going to go out on a limb and say it is probably too soon for you to know whether you can be friends EVER. Maybe you can later and maybe it will be good for you and you’ll be happy you did :)

I love my ex because he has already seen the worst person I can possibly be and he still likes me.  We SO do not have sex or even think about it.  But I can still nag him and bitch at him until the sun no longer shines and he just says, “okay, sorry, see you later” and LEAVES!  I love it.  And he still comes over and takes care of me when my back is out and helps me take out the trash and recycling (which he never wanted to do when we were together) and clips the cat’s claws because I’m too afraid to do it. I highly recommend being friends with your ex if it’s someone you value a friendship with. It can be the best kind of relationship you’ll ever have if you just put aside the drama and realize that there’s nothing like someone who you’ve already destroyed your relationship with until there’s not much left to lose.

That’s the kind of attitude I like. I never dated douchebags anyway, why should I, when I can date a sweet and caring person instead? Someone who I’ll never lose from my life, even if and when the romantic relationship is gone. If the thing in dating someone consists mainly of touching their privates, it’s no wonder it can prove hard to be friends with them when they become exes. Sweet life, you had NOTHING else in common? You weren’t best friends with your partner at the same time you were lovers? What was the point of the whole relationship then? Stupid people…

Yeah, it just might. If s/he is a JERK, that is. And by that I mean someone who hasn’t realized that this is NOT O.C. or Glee, this is real life, and everyone (at least the ACTUALLY socially smart people, who are good to hang out with) are not trying to stab you in the back. Be honest and open and eventually you’ll get honesty and openness in return.

Just adding, since I realized some people can take my reply to this post quite wrong. I’m not saying you can be friends with everyone. Especially if your ex is emotionally fucked up and a social vampire who drains everyone around them of their joy and strength. THOSE you should leave alone for everyone’s good, and also learn to leave alone in the future too when you’re searching for a partner.

Point, and a good one at that. But Ryan, try to keep in mind that not everywhere is like New York. Probably this advice of yours works there, but trust me – in most places and situations, it won’t. This is a well-written article, but a bit (okay, a lot) narrow-minded/one-eyed, don’t you think?

Point, and a good one at that. But Ryan, try to keep in mind that not everywhere is like New York. Probably this advice of yours works there, but trust me – in most places and situations, it won’t. This is a well-written article, but a bit (okay, a lot) narrow-minded/one-eyed, don’t you think?

Then you ought to learn to let go of them. Of course you can’t be friends with someone you are fixated over sexually. But why be stupid like that? That is the one part of this I can not comprehend at all.

I love licking balls. 

Agreed. TC seems to have two kinds of articles: intriguing, well-written ones that inspire and educate and evoke a little more love for the human race… and Ryan O’Connell’s vapid, self-absorbed judgmental bullshit. I mean it in the most insulting way when I say that I can tell which articles are his on TC’s homepage simply based on reading the titles.

What’s sad is the “bad teenage poetry” he egotistically decided to post and then analyze (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/translating-my-bad-teenage-poetry/) is infinitely more eloquent and genuine than any of the utter trash that he writes now with the pathetic belief that he is witty and original and “like, so over it!”

Ryan, wise words, as usual. I’m off to post it on my practice FB page and tweet it!
Ronete, the shrink who loves what you write.

What if you are in love with your best friend? and he’s gay? what happenz then? ugh. So UNFAIR!

MAMA MISH.

get over yourself its just a fucking typo; obviously Ryan and all of us know the difference between tortuous and torturous

Or if you try to remain friends you try and go out for a coffee or tea to see if you can remain friends instead of thinking “why can’t I touch you anymore” you just end up sleeping together…over and over. And this leads to a completely new set of confusing feelings. 

My ex is my best friend -.-

Maybe it’s just me, but I find that if someone was capable of hurting you once, they will most likely do it again, whether it’s intentional or not. So no, I’m not friends with any ex that broke my heart…I’ve tried it, because it seemed like one should be friends with the first person they ever loved. But those things never end up working, do they?

In the wise words of the Mancunian poet, Liam Fray: “Please don’t pretend that we’ll stay friends, ’cause that just, will never happen”

AMEN TO THAT

I feel rather lucky that I can still be friends to most of my exs. Heck, one of them have even become my best friend.

Perhaps it is because it had been so long ago since we broke up. 

been there. it sucks.

this made me cry. because as much as i want my ex in my life, i’m realizing now, i just cant.

If you have strong enough feelings for the other person the idea of being friends with an ex is simply ridiculous. You’re only kidding yourself, it will still make you feel like poo when you hang out. I believe people who aren’t honest with themselves are ok with “ex’s as friends.” Believe me I’ve been there. It’s a way for them to keep on controlling you. Make a stand, let your feelings known and do not contact them for as long as possible to show them how you truly feel. Don’t show any signs of weakness and if you need to see them in person just play it indifferent and cool not friendly. I am a guy and going through th same s— now