On Dating Good Guys

I wouldn’t have thought any of the staffers here were qualified to discuss ‘good guys’

This was my ex.  I wish he hadn’t moved away :(

You’re such a rebel. A sweet rebel.

amen

This is refreshing. The whole idea of girls going for asshole guys is getting tiresome. It sounds like you have a good judge of character.

i think we all want to date “good people”. but there’s no such thing as a good person who is good to everyone. (and i wonder, does that make them NOT good people?)

This was awesome. I feel like you just took my hand while giving the world the finger. +8 love points. 

I rarely leave comments but thought this deserved one. Very well done.

My favorite part:

“…what they really are is An Actor. A one-dimensional character whose
actions are motivated by the desire to project a controlled, steadfast
image to the world.”
 

I rarely leave comments but thought this deserved one. Very well done.

My favorite part:

“…what they really are is An Actor. A one-dimensional character whose
actions are motivated by the desire to project a controlled, steadfast
image to the world.”
 

I’ve met a lot of self-proclaimed good guys — friends with many, went out with a few. But they aren’t good guys. For a lack of a better term, they’re doormats, pushovers. Women find it hard to respect such a man.

At least you defined what a good guy really is.

Perhaps but how many doormats get laid? I’m always laying a doormat in some place or another. Being pushed over just means you’re prepped and ready to go when the time is right.

Jesus was good to everyone. And you’re just young. 

Yes, Steph! (OMG EARNESTY!)

this line was it:  ”someone who is a good person before I date him, while I date him, and after I date him.”

Thanks for this!

very well written. i could not agree more. everyone is responsible for themselves and we need to hold people accountable for that. people change by making  a conscious effort to do so because they believe it is the best thing for them. not because someone is pushing them into it. people who want to mold someone whether it is in a dating situation or any relationship really, family, friends, whatever… you can expect to experience a lot of tension and a lot of feeling miserable because you’re forcing something that is out of your control. people need to just be more accepting of others flaws and who they are and appreciate the good things and be glad you get to share in that. everyone needs to stop wanting specifics and start enjoying what’s already there…. i think many are missing out. loved this.

Might I add, a good guy is not a pushover if you have the space to say no and have the prerogative to decide what to do. In fact, it might even lead to mutual respect! *GASP*

I sooo agree. Pushover /= good guy.

I love this. To me, though, it sounds like asking for too much, but on the other hand it’s what everyone deserves.

mmmm. this makes me miss my last-weekend-man. but he’s not even close to being mine.

Hear, hear!

I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for speaking for the fans of the good guy.

Preach.

Yes to this!  Thanks, Stephanie, for putting into eloquent words an idea that has brewing in my mind recently.  Thinking of printing this piece and reading it before going on a date.  Such a great read!

Not to me. He punched me in the crotch and stole my bread, broke it, fed his posse and called it HIS body. Dude totally took credit for my bread. And now who gets all the glory? Jesus. And who gets infertility? This guy.

this is perfect.

Oh, Jesus up to his ol’ tricks again. Gotta’ love him. 

Preach it girl. You fucking rule.

if you respect yourself, you’re only going to “fall in love” with people who respect you. you CAN help who you fall in love with by liking yourself first. The author wasn’t saying that all people are good, all people are FLAWED but good people are actively trying to better themselves and thus treat others better.

If you can’t help but fall in love with assholes it’s a personal failing.

I like emotionally stable dudes, too.  As long as they’re hot.  

Thanks for reassuring that the right girl for me is still out there somewhere. :)

But actually you can.

That’s the problem though. Typically the HOT ones male or female have little redeeming qualities excluding their hotness. . . .

I don’t always think that people like the assholes because they are assholes. It’s because they like the game. They like the whole “Oh does he/she like me or not?” thing. Its fun when its a bit back and forth. An Asshole plays into. If they are a jerk to everyone, the few moments when they are nice to you are really special then.

Secondly, everyone wants or likes what they can’t have. An Asshole never makes you think you can have them. Nice guys finish last because, unless a girl has been scoping out the guy, if he just approaches her and says how much he really likes her. Its either 1. too easy. 2. creepy.

Preach it.

Love this quote – “No, I want a Good Guy – someone who is a good person before I date him, while I date him, and after I date him.”

I also want to be this ‘Good Girl’ – but where do you draw the line when the relationship has ended, when the ‘Good Guy’ has become a complete ass hole? Do you stay “Good’ or cut him like a laser beam?

And with that, Stephanie Georgeopulos is added to my list of favorite TC writers.

Word…. PREACH!!

..if you’re so focused on their “hotness” then that’s all you’re going to get.

guy: “UGH, I’m SOOOO NICE! I OPEN THE DOOR FOR THEM, SMILE A LOT, AND always tell them how beautiful they are!!! so..WHY DON’T GIRLS LIKE ME?!

girl: because you’re a pussy.

nice schmice. the guy’s still gotta have a little edge to keep me interested.

stephanie, you’re my favorite. because of everything you write, but especially because of this. 

stephanie, you’re my favorite. because of everything you write, but especially because of this. 

That’s a nice guy. Obviously, you got the nice guy and the pushover confused. Thanks for proving my point.

Well, not like blindingly hot.  It’s important to have realistic standards when you are on the homely side.  

I’m going to agree and love the “before I date him, while I date him, and after I date him.” part.  A lot of us girls are left scratching our heads wondering “What happened?” when he disappears, stops calling, or all of a sudden is a jerk.  I often found myself saying, “But he was sooooo nice to me! How can he go from liking me so much to not at all?”  Guess it turns out he had the ‘before’ part down but not so much the rest.   Turns out, actually, he wasn’t a nice guy after all.  I also mistakenly give too much credit to common courtesy from a guy.  My definition for his being soooo nice/liking me a lot comes just from him picking me up, complimenting me, paying for dinner, and opening the door for me.  Way to freakin’ go, you’re not a barbarian.  Doesn’t mean he’s nice or is really into me….even if he says he is. 

I’m going to agree and love the “before I date him, while I date him, and after I date him.” part.  A lot of us girls are left scratching our heads wondering “What happened?” when he disappears, stops calling, or all of a sudden is a jerk.  I often found myself saying, “But he was sooooo nice to me! How can he go from liking me so much to not at all?”  Guess it turns out he had the ‘before’ part down but not so much the rest.   Turns out, actually, he wasn’t a nice guy after all.  I also mistakenly give too much credit to common courtesy from a guy.  My definition for his being soooo nice/liking me a lot comes just from him picking me up, complimenting me, paying for dinner, and opening the door for me.  Way to freakin’ go, you’re not a barbarian.  Doesn’t mean he’s nice or is really into me….even if he says he is. 

agreed. assholes know how to keep things interesting, and i’m just a drama-crazed girl

This is awesome. I love my grown-up good guy.

This is excellent, Steph.

Hey, leave us assholes alone!

http://forpoorer.blogspot.com/

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. FINALLY. I’ve never been able to understand why you’d want a complete asshole. I see their point of view, sure, but I don’t understand. Just, just… why?
Thank you for being a voice of reason.

PRETTY MUCH!

Thank you for sticking up for us. Too often it feels as if nice guys are dismissed as Nice Guys (TM). As a bisexual, I like nice guys, and girls, and enjoy being among their number.

It’s been a lonely two years. Sometimes it’s too easy to bitch about it and blame the world (or think I’m a quasimodo impersonator)…….but I know that being myself, forgiving/ developing my faults, and someone will notice me. Or accept my request for a tea date.

That got rambly……anyway thank you, Steph. I especially lile the part where you emphasis that all people have a good and bad side, and it’s important to look at which side those people value.

This is a very articulate and truth-slapping article. In short, it’s awesome. I’m a good girl looking for a Good Guy. Good Guys ROCK.

we all know it really comes down to dick size

thats brilliant

As a lover of the good girl, I just want to say that many good girls can’t take being confronted on their own assholish (and we’re all assholes at some time or another). They’re so invested in being the “good one” that they just can’t hear that maybe their poor boundaries and tendency to blame others can be pretty irritating.  Which is why many good girls like an asshole.  He’s bad, she’s good. Worldview=intact.

I love you, Stephanie Georgopulos… 

This just changed my entire perspective…I have been ‘chasing’ assholes for a good 8 years now. I think I’ll be good for some nice guys too now.

THANK YOU!

This article alone quite literally changed the entire path of my love life. To this day I would still argue that it’s the best Thought Catalog post I’ve ever read. I love it. Thanks for slapping me in the face with reality 3 months ago. I haven’t looked back!

As a “good girl” I must concur. It wasn’t until recently that I truly stepped outside of myself and evaluated who I am, my actions and choices as a woman. I’ve always thought I had agency because I THOUGHT I had awareness, and I THOUGHT I knew responsibility. How wrong I was. Until us “Good Girls” really accept our not so good side, we will continue to look for that Asshole to balance out said bad side… 

Good guys don’t have to be boring.   Good Boring Guy’s exist and Good boring a$$holes to do.
What your looking is for the adventure and confidence that a$$holes have that a lot of good guys don’t invest in developing in themselves.

I’ll take a good girl on an adventure, but only once if shes boring. :)

Touche!

People please note that she said GOOD guy not nice guy.. A nice guy is and I quote “ a one-dimensional character whose actions are motivated by the desire to project a controlled, steadfast image to the world.” He along with the asshole is not completely showing you his true self. If you’ve never seen the bad side of someone then you should be alarmed. I want it all, the nice guy and the asshole, along with the sweet guy, sarcastic guy, and above all compassionate guy- or at least someone who has a little of all of these traits. People are ever changing and not the same all the time. A nice guy who lets you dominate in all areas or never has any “real” moments is just as alarming as an asshole. I’ll take my GOOD guy along with Stephanie.