Judging Male Sexual Attractiveness Based On The Shoes They Wear

At least the Adidas got “I will sleep with you.” Can’t go wrong with Adidas, guys.

you have weird taste in shoes

and I gotta say, I understand the sandals if we’re meeting for the first time or something, or if worn out in inappropriate places, but hey, our feet get hot too alright? We can wear some damn sandals in the summer. Especially if we’re in LA. I don’t want my feet to melt off.

this makes me feel good about my shoe collection. except, i don’t want to sleep with girls. (that was probably made clear by the phrase “shoe collection”)

This was so much fun to read. 
“Gag.Never.” 
 

hahaha

can i send in pics of my shoes for independent evaluation?

I agree 100% with all of this. 

Chilllllldd, you don’t know what chu talkin’ bout!

You’d sleep with me, you’d sleep with me, you wouldn’t not sleep with me.

I never understood why women think it’s gross when men wear flip-flops.

I feel ya on the no workout shoes with jeans/no dress shoes with jeans rules, but you’d seriously take someone in NEW BALANCES over someone in Toms??

Wow, lots of effort put into this post. Copy-paste “I’d sleep with you” ten times. Great.

Wow, lots of effort put into this post. Copy-paste “I’d sleep with you” ten times. Great.

Gag. Never.

I know right

This is the most important and relevant article on all of Thought Catalog.

haha, the whole time i was reading this i was like wait this is EXACTLY like that one post at… then saw becky lang’s tweet haha

Wait, what am I supposed to wear to the beach?

No sorry men CANNOT wear sandals under ANY circumstances. Not in LA, not anywhere. Sandals are for women. Hairy men feet in sandals look horrid no matter what. Just like men always wear pants in the winter and are never cold, while we MUST wear skirts because of style in certain occasions AND we freeze, men are NOT allowed sandals to go around in the summer. Never, at all. Only exception is AT the beach. Your feet won’t melt if you wear boating shoes or appropriate light summer shoes (look at the Sebago or Timberland brands) with the appropriate light cotton feet cover ups (INSIDE shoe socks, they’re very light and they don’t show outside, you look like you’re not wearing any socks, socks look TERRIBLE in the summer unless you’re wearing suit shoes).

What are you talking about?  

Given that such a broad cross-section of men might wear any one of the pairs of shoes you’ve chosen, ultimately this post just shows that you’re easy. 
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 
As for those who took offense to sandals: No. Unless you are poolside at a resort; no. 

sweet. umbros? they worked for me. what abt slip-on checkered vans? Yes, I may smell like dank, but I shower and wash my clothes regularly. Generally don’t wear a hoody.

Yes. philosophy [at] gmail [dot] com. You better hope I have a vaguely sexual moment when I open the attachments.

what about vans!? hands down the hottest shoes for a guy to wear. word

what about vans!? hands down the hottest shoes for a guy to wear. word

;)

Don’t worry, you pass with flying colors, Stephen.

haha this is sooo true! vans hands down sexiest shoe on a guy…followed by dress shoes IN a suit, and then i guess sperrys. NEVER EVER EVER wear sandals, esp those weird reef ones. i hate sandals on a guy something about it gives me the creeps. i was laughing that whole article sooo true…although i kinda think toms are sexy

Also–I thought I was the only girl who had a strict no-flip-flops policy. I’m affirmed. 

Whoops replied as a new thread. I assume you saw it.

It has being a while since it’s ok for women to wear pants, you know.

Sorry, probably-north-american-person, for living in a country wear it’s fine to wear sandals and flip-flops. I will shed a single tear for you.

Hmm how do you feel about Sperry’s? 

I’m well aware we can wear pants. I said that in some occasions we MUST wear skirts because of style. Guess the whole “style” point went missing. I wouldn’t go to a cocktail party wearing pants, ever. And those happen in the winter too. In some occasions skirts or dresses are a requirement. It’s not fine to wear sandals in north america either, they look horrible worldwide, not just in Europe. In fact I have a lot of North American male friends who perfectly understand that men should never wear sandals, no matter what, unless they’re poolside or at the beach.

Fun article!

What girl doesn’t do this, though? There’s nothing worse than head to ankle approval, then hitting the shoe line and everything going to hell.

Sambas were what inspired my friends and I to coin the term ‘Casual Bro’…like, the kind of guy who never committed to a social group in high school, or in college, or post-graduation, that listens to OAR and Radiohead with equal zest, probably has a history with ultimate frisbee…

Oh and New Balance = possess a complicated, love/hate relationship with Pitchfork’s End of Year album rankings. In my experience.

 No love for the boat shoes?

Depends — how big is your yacht (not a euphemism) (maybe a euphemism)?

Love boat shoes. Stylish and appropriate for summer.

The very reason you felt the need to write this post, is WHY i would NOT sleep with you

Your a picky bitch! 

Shoes don’t mater when you have a cock in your mouth

i dig it. the shoe thing. it says a lot. ever been to dc? worst. footwear. ever.

and i think you accurately identify some red flags.

BUT, nikes? dunks? really? the white-red-black pumas? really?

Big Søren Kierkegaard fan, huh?

“I just believe that by looking at a guy’s footwear you can tell a lot about his personality without even speaking to him.”

Which means you’re an idiot who probably has a Patrick Bateman in her future.

What about Vibram FiveFingers? I’ve talked to women who love them and women who hate them.

What about Vibram FiveFingers? I’ve talked to women who love them and women who hate them.

I wear sandals from April until November. Every girl I know bitches about it, even the ones who sleep with me. Heers to not caring and still getting laid!

I know what you are talking about!! Yes women can wear pants, but sometimes their is a necessity to wear a skirt/dress given the occasion.

Feelings on sock styles? Personally, I think socks pulled up over the ankle bone look douchey, but guys seem to love them. 

No espadrilles, seriously? Better than boat shoes and some of the supposedly attractive shoes mentioned above.

ummm ya. agreed.

http://www.philolzophy.com/2010/11/male-sexual-attractiveness-based-on-shoes/

Did you blatantly plagiarize this?

LOL.  OMG UR AN IDIOT.

Will you sleep with me?: 

http://www.planet-sports.de/images/products/5/39805/g0_gravis_data_white_shadow.jpg

So do I.   I guess that makes me a “picky bitch” too.  It’s like this, I put a bit of effort into my appearance.  And guys won’t date you if they find you unattractive (which extends to not just personality but general appearance and the clothes I wrap myself in) . . . so it’s a two way street, friends. 

I stopped reading at *anything* “can tell you a lot about his personality without even speaking to him.” This is such a stupid claim, if only for the reason that most people have several pairs of shoes, and you could catch someone on a flip flop day or a TOMS day or a sneakers day or a loafers day, and to base your first impressions on whatever someone happened to throw on his feet is ridiculous.

DC does have some bad footwear.  Preach.

“Johanna de Silentio is philolzophy.com.
”

Look at a authors bio before accusing them of plagiarizing.

“Johanna de Silentio is philolzophy.com.
”

Look at a authors bio before accusing them of plagiarizing.

“Johanna de Silentio is philolzophy.com.
”

Look at a authors bio before accusing them of plagiarizing.

It just looks bad… IMO.

It just looks bad… IMO.

Here’s to spelling here’s properly.

Fuck girl clearly you do not bone guys who have any concept of fashion.

Idk, maybe it’s just a UK thing, but basically all those fuckable shoes belong to scum on this side of the pond.

Fuck girl clearly you do not bone guys who have any concept of fashion.

Idk, maybe it’s just a UK thing, but basically all those fuckable shoes belong to scum on this side of the pond.

See I think the thing with these is people talk about them. I’d rather he’d not wear shoes that makes everyone and his grandmather express their oponion on them. 

you’re.
You don’t sound like someone whose cock has been met by many a mouth.

you’re.
You don’t sound like someone whose cock has been met by many a mouth.

Wow, I disagree with almost all of your choices.
Interesting how taste varies.

OMG this is SO BANG ON. #realtalk

I actually get hit on a lot with my white leather sandals. :S

This is so on, I’m in shock.  Can you do my dating for me?

This is so on, I’m in shock.  Can you do my dating for me?

Ha, oh Thought Catalog. One typo and your comment is forever doomed to be irrelevant… I should know better than to post without a thorough proofread. 

I thought I was the only one who thought like this! I don’t agree with all your choices cuz some of your do-able shoes were not so do-able, but either way, thank you for this!

I have the same opinion!  I thought I was alone in my thoughts.  What’s really bad is the dismal shoes that some guys wear, like they got them at Men’s Wearhouse/Warehouse (?).  You’re 20+, learn to shop elsewhere!

Me And You, We’re Alike-!!

So, basically this was the roundabout way of saying “I’ll sleep with hipsters…”?

The only shoes I find horrid  would be the man flip flops or really dirty sneakers… Or crocs.

This is by far the worst thing a guy can put on their feet….

Unless his goal in life is to stay single.

<>

You must’ve been on a crowded bus.

what about boat shoes? I don’t wear them but there is such a clear type of people who do.

i’ve never really thought of it that way but upon reading this i realize that the shoes a man wears does make a difference. nice clean shoes + huge feet = super love

I mostly like your choices.  I am a bit confused with the Nike selections.  Ugly.  So what do you think of work boots (Redwings, etc)  that are super hip, albeit winter wear?  And someone really does need to explain the flip flops to me.  I was a long time flip flop hater but now live in Tucson where it’s hot as balls.  No way I can not wear flip flops in the summer here.  Do Rainbows pass as acceptable flip flops?

Too big for your harbour?

Too big for your harbour?

TOMS are just ugly, ugly shoes. I wouldn’t wear them even if it meant I could sleep with Eva Green. Okay, MAYBE for Eva Green. Maybe.

Also, Mycoskie’s decision to speak at a Focus on the Family event makes me disinclined to give him a single penny of my money. Such a shame, that.

I get that women can be as judgmental as men when it comes to potential partners, and in some ways it’s refreshing to see someone at least be honest about it. I actually agree with where you’re coming from on some of these. But as a man who actually cares about how he looks, I have to say that some of the inconsistencies here are puzzling, besides the fact that some of your judgements just seem, well, off. Mostly I can’t parse the differences between the various casual sneakers that seem to range randomly from “hell yes” to “hell no”. Sure, the first set of athletic shoes don’t make sense outside of athletics, but why are the Nikes good and the last two pair “dad shoes”? What’s really baffling to me is that a guy wearing loafers with jeans is off limits. That’s a pretty standard look when one wants to take it up a bit without putting on slacks, especially in the fall or spring.

But, hey, I hate it when women wear flip-flops all over the city and think 95% of women (or more) should never wear gladiator sandals. To each his or her own, I suppose.

only ganstaz/wankstas where adidas in boston

wow you are terrible

pretty surprised that the hipster hate didn’t start earlier in the thread.

stop taking this seriously

 truth http://vicestyle.com/en/news/today/post/hating-the-way-we-dress

Listen–

I can put the ‘ho’ and Ahoy! and the shiver in your timbers

Unless you’re wearing Sketchers.

this is so so true. so true.

This article is actually a rip off of an episode of Dawson’s Creek, where Joey realizes she loves Dawson because he wears Skechers, which she deems as reliable.

This article is actually a rip off of an episode of Dawson’s Creek, where Joey realizes she loves Dawson because he wears Skechers, which she deems as reliable.

Ah, but would you walk my plank? I got a peg leg here just for you. I usually adorn it with Trojan brand slip-ons, but, hey, whatever floats your boat.

“you would call me a whore in an argument conducted over a text message”
HAHAHAHA

just mean’s i’m good looking enough that my face overrides my footwear no? ;)

*whoosh*

Cowboy boots?

the absolute best article on TC
i cried and cried because i was laughing so hard

you have the WORST taste in shoes. and probably men. all girls do this. 
most girls do it better. 

Bullshit. Flip-flops should be limited to the beach and the pool, but there are summer activities where a clean, quality pair of sandals are perfectly acceptable on a man. A summer barbecue, for example. Yes, the guy has to actually groom his feet and even consider (gasp!) a pedicure, but ruling out an entire class of shoe across the board? No way.

suppose I’ll go high five my black and charcoal tigers

OH FUCK YEAH!! FUCKIN’ LOVE MY SPERRY’S

automatically sleep with a guy if he wears Umbro shorts, or those Adidas sandals that everyone wore after soccer practice.

It looks sloppy.

burn

burn

This is terrible and lame. I can’t believe you published it.

NO, DAMMIT. DON’t WEAR RAINBOWS! wear sexy shoes or be doomed to a life of celibacy. goodbye.

where’re the clarks, yo. wallabees n desert boots beeeitch!

where’re the clarks, yo. wallabees n desert boots beeeitch!

you were on a crowded bus.

 what the fuck are sneakers?

i wear flip flops all the time, even to work. i guess i’ll be single forever.

Um, honey? You’re sleeping with boys. Yes, shoes matter. But this selection? For children.

You sre about that? http://www.convogue.com/images/posts/3891/8c9b0d1017814ccaa4f62e8253e87e28.jpg

It doesn’t seem so much like hipster hate. More like pointing out that the writer clearly has a thing for hipsters and their shoes

regarding the New Balance, right on the money! (and I live in Italy…) Brava!

Those desert boot/ boat shoe/ chukka hybrids are pretty busted. Is the “gawwwd” ironic or serious?

Y/N?

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/261340_556918758306_12500191_31807596_6058083_n.jpg

Vans? 

flip flops make me want to puke

no, you can’t. mens feet are revolting and they should hide their hairy shame. Also, wear fucking pants please. 

Whore.

Whore.

You sound like an unfortunate example of one of those girls that wake up daily facedown in a puddle of your own drool and vomit.

Forever Alone.

As someone who use to live in Tucson, yes Rainbows pass the test. Wearing actual shoes in that town in 100+ degree weather is like throwing a winter coat on in the Sahara. But please make sure your feet aren’t completely fugly when you wear that shit.

Also.. so sorry you live there.

I like Tucson. 

What about someone who’s not vapid and shallow, who thinks that fashion is not so important, especially with conditions in this world as they are today.  Are shoes really so important when 50% of children in Somalia are currently malnourished?   #ruminations of the privileged

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/africa/07/21/somalia.famine/

Cool story bro. Nerd. She wouldn’t sleep with you BTW.

This chick is obviously a female “douche bag.” While I agree with the running shoes etc… The type of dip shits who wear the one type of shoe you just repeat over and over again are exactly the post frat boy dip shits you decry above. You suck honey.

I wouldn’t sleep with you. No matter what kind of shoes you wear.

I feel bad for any sorry people who didn’t get the humor in this article.

This guy came to class wearing these bad boys.

It was like seeing a unicorn.

What about Vans Authentic’s? TELL ME PLEASE FOR GOD’S SAKE!

haters step to the side. this article is the best.

So Johanna… a lot of guys want to know if you’d fuck them

Shoes really? Let me tell you about your subconscious ;-)
Each and EVERY woman judges male sexual attractiveness
based on one criterion:

his facial features.

What about other factors? They are secondary. Facial
features have to match. Otherwise, there is no “chemistry.”

Evidence?

If you know the basic principles of face reading, you
can try to solve the following riddle. If you don’t, get acquainted
with the tips given on NoSuchCouple.com (read it anyway, because
facial masculinity/femininity is a very tricky topic)

Here is your task:

Find at least one celebrity couple in the world in which
the man has very effeminate facial features and the woman also has a
feminine face.

Why do I study this tiny scope of human love life: the
choices of attractive women with very feminine faces?

Because this is the only rule regarding sexual
attractiveness to which you won’t find absolutely any exceptions.

Not even one such couple in the whole world. What are
the odds? What does it say about human mating?

Read more at NoSuchCouple.com

Please note, that although I am selling an ebook on that
website, we can discuss this topic without you buying anything from
me. All information you need are available for free on my website,
Facebook account, YouTube channel, and of course on the Internet.
Just google any celebrity couple that contradicts my theory. Have fun
with it!

Nerd? Really? I’m not even the guy who posted the original comment, but you’re a fucking idiot.

How else should people be responding to this article? It isn’t particularly funny even if you choose to “not take it seriously”. It just isn’t a good article.

Seriously, this. When did this become a thing where everybody denies men the right to wear fucking sandals? I mean.. they’re sandals. I don’t see anything inherently “female” in an exposed foot or a desire to wear something cool (as in temperature) that you can easily slip on.

There are two major problems:

A. Your taste in Man shoes are not the best – what the EFF is with the white pumas? Vomit. New Balances?? really now??

B. You missed a few key shoes, such as Vans authentics. This is a hot boy staple.

hmm..

Dear heterosexual men, 
                                     This article is not representative of all women. Please do not tar us with this author’s brush. Despite the way we are portrayed in magazines, TV, and apparently Thought Catalogue articles, we are not always a bunch of superficial ninnies. 
                                           Sincerely, 
                                                          A heterosexual female who thinks that this article is trite and meaningless 

I don’t really care what kind of shoes a guy wears, as long as when he takes them off his feet don’t have a terrible stench..

ironic article. should actually be titled ‘judging female sexual attractiveness based on bad taste.’ 

underdeveloped, unsophisticated and tacky.good luck choosing some better shoes next time, taking out the white puma’s is a good starting point. 

Thank god someone is against flip flops. Holla

god, the “men shouldn’t wear flip flops because their feet are gross” thing is getting pretty boring.  as well as words like “man flops.”

“This is why I always observe the face first, and the shoes second.” 
while the specific opinions on specific shoes may differ woman to woman, this is SO TRUE and yes it may be shallow, but it’s the truth. i know that i would never get along with someone if they think it’s ok to wear crocs, for example. it doesn’t mean we have different taste in shoes, it means that he is so far beyond caring what people think that he wouldn’t understand most of the visually-charged stuff i care about (jewelrymaking? rock and roll? what?), and he will either be of such an enlightened set (yoga instructor, Academy-Award winning screenwriter) that he will have no time for me and my shenanigans of “style” and “taste” and “aesthetics”……. or he’s just a lazy asshole.

Men who take care of their feet are one thing, if they aren’t groomed, it’s bad. Also, if they wear them out to the bar on a Friday or Saturday night, no. Show some respect to the ladies who put in 2 hours of maintenance before coming out and wear real shoes. 

Flaw of this article is the assumption the man wearing these shoes wants to sleep with you. 

Ok, basically none of the ones you want to sleep with are actually asics.  Those are onitsuka tiger’s.

Ok, basically none of the ones you want to sleep with are actually asics.  Those are onitsuka tiger’s.

well ill never have to worry about competition from you because we have completely different taste in mens shoes.

Win

Dumb

I’m heading out with the flip-flops in summer boys to the beach and we’re going to have an awesome day.
Don’t really care about the bloke’s shoes, it’s all about his smile for me.

Guys’ feet look like giant rabbit feet in sandals, but I understand if we’re at or close to the beach. I’d prefer a guy to wear toms over those ugly ass green/brown nike shoes, and the new balances are horrible! What kind of chick is this? Otherwise, I do agree that no guy should ever wear those bulky DC skater shoes. Skaters don’t even wear those.

Representing SD

what do u think of mine?

I don’t think this article was written under that presumption at all. Isn’t it merely making judgements on a man’s attractiveness, based on his shoes, with the range of scale being ‘sleep with’, ‘not sleep with’ and ‘maybe sleep with + qualification’? I think if you extend this from shoes, to shoes plus bottom 2 inches of trousers, and how they relate to eachother, you have the litmus test for attractiveness.

This might actually be the most inane thing on the internet.  And literally all I do is watch cartoons.  Well done, Thought Catalog!

I’ve got about ten pairs of Onitsuka Tigers. My place or yours…?

o ya
sex me gurls

This should’ve been the point of the article all along.

Thankfully I’m gay and have better taste in shoes than the ones she apparently finds attractive.  Even if this author were wearing the most fabulous shoes, I would automatically reject her for having a superficial “fuggernality”.

I’m straight and I have better taste then that. This bitch doesn’t like the smell of dank all over her, well what is it that makes her so tasteless and seem so high?

Thanks for using my photo – and your comment I guess, though I find red bull disgusting, and I can’t bounce really, not since my severe injuries in a car accident in 2004. Those are still my favourite shoes though, and you be right with the quirky thing.

You really sound like a bitch

so have a nice day

I usually like to know what women like about guys, but this is weird and a little mental, plus you seem bitchy, cheers.

haha, fun article.. no one will probably ever read this comment so i can be honest.
I LOVE shoes.. and yes, i’m heterosexual.. i love Guciniari shoes in particular.. handmade, italian, gorgeous..
but i doubt we’ll be sleeping together. I love dress shoes.. well dress boots, (without laces)..it’s my thing.. and you’re thing is…..trainers??
I do agree about the flipflops though. Do not sleep with men wearing flipflops. it will only encourage them.

I’m 6’2 with size 14 Supras or Sperrys. Would you f*&^ my brains out?