Sup Erin

Wanna party?

On the latest episode of Intervention, we were introduced to something we’ve never seen before: an attractive meth user. Erin-a 26 year old blonde beautiful Texan-has been using meth for two years and although it hasn’t destroyed her looks, the drug has caused her to have paranoid delusions in which she believes people are trying to kill her. So that’s no good.

Erin was a beautiful baby, a bright baby, the apple of her father’s eye. However, her parents were overprotective Christians who homeschooled her until she was thirteen and that was a poor parenting decision. In fact, we can even go as far to say that being homeschooled made Erin more susceptible to becoming a drug addict. Once she entered public school, Erin was overwhelmed with…freedom and things being so…public and by the time she was 19 her family had already sent her to five treatment centers. Ruined by the stress of having a wild child, her parents divorced and her father moved away, essentially disowning Erin and even declining to participate in this Emmy award-winning documentary series about drug addiction.

At 22, Erin moved in with her friend Jim, who, according to her, “bugged me about having sex until I finally said, “Fuck it!” and we had sex a few times. Then I ended up pregnant.” Gee, I sure do love it when manipulation masquerades as romance, don’t you?! Anyways, the two marry despite Erin having no romantic feelings for Jim and she shockingly remains sober throughout her pregnancy. Everyone chimes in to say that motherhood changed Erin and inspired her to become a better person but they always say that and it always sounds like weird propaganda.

At the age of 24, Erin was fed up with her sobriety so she started to smoke meth daily. Around this time, she also befriended a real “salt of the earth” kind of guy who belonged to the Aryan Brotherhood. To be honest, I don’t even know what that is but the word “Aryan” has never meant anything good so I’ll assume it’s evil. One night, Erin’s Aryan chum held her and her daughter up at gunpoint and attempted to rob them. Although the two were unharmed, Erin’s daughter was sent away to live with her grandmother in Kentucky and the family never really recovered. Later, Erin’s friend tried to apologize to her about the whole “trying to rob her” fiasco but she ignored his texts and even renamed him “Bad Friend Who Tried To Kill Me” in her phone.

Today Erin’s life is very ho-hum. Her husband Jim goes to work at a place called Christian World while she lounges in her bra and booty shorts, smokes meth and hangs out with her friends. When she tires of that, Erin invites her boyfriend over-the one who truly understands her-and the two have wild passionate sex on top of a phonebook or a seesaw. Jim knows all about Erin’s infidelities and appears to be very annoyed by it. Apparently she doesn’t even use protection so she has a pregnancy scare every month. You know, I’m no relationship expert but I think this couple seriously hates each other and just needs a divorce.

When Jim returns home from work, the two have an argument in which it’s revealed that Jim’s an alcoholic. Or used to be. Or sometimes is. It’s all very unclear. Regardless of the frequency of his drinking, Erin seems to hold it against him. She claims she’ll be the best person ever if Jim just does her “right” which seems very vague and impossible. At the pre-intervention, a new interventionist encourages Jim to go to AA every day for three months and he agrees and everyone is relieved.

Erin’s intervention was sort of anti-climatic. When she arrived, she seemed more distressed about her family seeing her without makeup than potentially being sent to rehab. When it came to Jim’s turn to read his letter, she became irritable and suggested he go to treatment, not her. She said, “I’ve been to rehab a million times. I don’t see the point of all this. I’m only going to rehab on my terms.” Her defiance was short-lived, however, because then the interventionist promised her job as a counselor if she completed treatment and she accepted. Wait, isn’t that bribery? That was some bad intervening, Mr. Interventionist. Where’s Candy or Jeff when you need them?

Erin completes 37 days of treatment and is reunited with her daughter. She and Jim are in the midst of building a lake house because they love each other now, which sounds like complete bullshit but whatevs. She’s been sober since July 24, 2010.

This episode was weird because

A. Erin’s meth use did not make her look like a filthy eyesore.

B. There were hardly any scenes of her doing drugs.

C. Compared to Allison, the huffer, her life was just typical Middle America shitty.