In Defense Of Period Sex
I think it’s weird when guys don’t want to have period sex (just to clarify, ‘period sex’ is when you have sex while a girl is ‘menstruating’ or ‘bleeding out of her vagina,’ in case you were wondering). Listen: I don’t think you should have to eat pussy when it’s leaking the red stuff, I don’t even think it’s necessary that you touch it with your hand (if you’re the queasy type it’s probably better if you don’t) but there are reasons why period sex is much less disgusting than you think.
See, I imagine the taste of blood isn’t so nice when it’s coming out of someone else’s genitals (even if you were the sort of kid that would graze themselves and then suck on the wound), hence why I can forgive a man for not wanting to go down on me while Aunty Flo’s in town. And I’m guessing any sort of digital action would probably lead to dirty sheets as his hands crept elsewhere in moments of passion, so I can sort of (only just) forgive him for not wanting to finger me when I’m on the rag. But sex? When your penis is covered in latex and you don’t have to taste it, look at it or touch it, no apologies, I don’t understand what the problem is.
So I’m going to go there and say what a lot of girls are afraid to say: guy, I would like you to fuck me even when I have my period. I don’t care if you’re my boyfriend or a one-night fling; I want you to do me, blood or no blood. I’ve been with guys who are less afraid of herpes. “Hey, let’s do it without a condom, girl I barely know,” now tell me, guy, how is risking contracting a STI so much more appealing to you than having sex with a woman who is menstruating? No, seriously. I want to know what is so much more abhorrent about the natural process that a woman’s body goes through, than say, syphilis or gonorrhea.
And I know, guy, that you don’t get your period (although sometimes you’re as annoyingly moody as if you did), so let me lay it down for you in a way you can understand. See, blood does not spray out of a woman’s vagina in a heavy stream when she has her period. Her vagina is not an open tap. Generally, women only lose around one fourth of a cup of blood while they are menstruating. It doesn’t spurt out like our vagina is a disembodied limb in a Tarantino film. And when you put a tampon, or a slightly larger, similarly shaped object up there, the flow of blood lessens and essentially, stays indoors.
The urban myth — which I’ve learned to be both prolific and dangerous — is that it’s “filthy” and “dirty,” but as someone who wont let a little blood get in her way, I’m here to tell you: it’s not. Blood does not “go everywhere.” It’s not like Vampire Bill and Lorena’s infamous romp in buckets of human blood. As I’ve already alluded, having period sex is synonymous with “plugging” the flow, and less blood comes out (if any, I find that it’s mostly contained to little bits of goop on the condom only) than your over active imagination seems to think.
And there are ways to be polite about it. I normally allay a man’s fears with a towel on the bed (which is always unnecessary) and by dealing with the condom myself afterwards, so for the squeamish boys there is little to no actual interaction with the blood at all. But—and here’s the clanger—period sex is actually really amazing, maybe better than all of the other kinds of sex you’ve ever had.
Here’s why: the woman is super horny. I’m not just talking sweaty afternoon delight horny or I’ve just seen Ryan Gosling without his shirt off horny—I’m talking the horniest of the horny. This means that your lady is going to be gyrating in ways you’ve never seen her move before. Mark my word, this girl is going to ride you in ways that Ginuwine only sung about. She’s pre-lubricated and ready to roll. Seriously, it’s going to be your own living porno.
And, as one very attentive young man once pointed out to me, “It would be disrespectful to a woman’s body to tell her when she can and can’t have sex.” Amen to that. We bleed once a month, guy, and this will some day enable one of us to carry your child. It doesn’t make us “gross” or any less worthy of a good bone. So stop asking me if you can put it in my butt or if I’ll have a threesome unless you’re willing to have some kinky as hell period sex with me.
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The way I see it, every object you own is connected to you by a string like the house in ‘Up,’ and each string is tied to a fishhook embedded in your abdomen.
That’s right. I also drive a Ford Aerostar with no windows. It’s practical.
6. Get Blackout
I’ll rest there for as long as you’ll let me, for as long as I can.