Christian Man Thinks Everything Looks Like A Penis

Jun. 1, 2011

By Ryan O'Connell info

I write and edit Thought Catalog. I'm a brat. Send me fun things at ryan@thoughtcatalog.com

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So the internet is really weird and I almost can’t deal with it. Like I always knew there were a lot of people in this world who were crazy but I took solace in knowing that it wasn’t in my face 24/7. Now thanks to videos like the one above, I’m reminded of it everyday.

In this daily reminder that everyone is psycho (except for you of course), a man tries to explain that there is Satanism at the Denver International Airport by showing paintings that supposedly contain phallic symbols. I don’t doubt that there are signs of Satan at an airport (All that casual wear and La Salsa’s can’t mean anything good) but I don’t think there are any in the Doctor Office Art. I also find it weird that this old Christian dude is seeing penises when he looks at a picture of an extinct bird. Granted, I see dick when I look at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show but that’s because I’m gay and I like to surround myself with as many penis-y things as possible. What’s this guy’s excuse? Repressed sexual tendencies brought on by religion? Ha! Likely story…

So yeah. Christians still continue to be weird. The internet is still weirder. And airports have always been the root of all evil. Got it? TC mark

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  • http://twitter.com/brunodion Bruno Dion

    Yo, the airport should be careful, that guy is the third eagle of the apocalypse. Sounds serious.

    • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      Dude has enormous self-confidence, though; how many of you don't even have the nerve to say “writer” or “artist” when asked what you are? And yet he can blurt “third eagle of the apocalypse” and “co-prophet of the end-times” without even blinking (much)! He'd make a fortune running Self Assertion seminars.

    • http://twitter.com/DougLain Douglas Lain

      I think the answer to that is “Yes.”

    • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      Homo Erectus

  • http://twitter.com/rislynsey christopher lynsey

    this guy is my new hero

  • http://twitter.com/CowboySandtoes Cowboy Santos

    hahahaha burn this fucker

  • HotDogHotline

    This is hilarious. Now I'm going to look at everything and see if it's phallic shaped. It's like being 12 (25) all over again!

  • http://coketalk.tumblr.com Coke Talk

    Do I really have to get this crazy before the government grants me tax exempt status?

  • Thegreendoor

    the fact that a penguin walks upright, makes it a phallic symbol? does that mean people are phallic symbols too?

  • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

    OMG LOOK PENIS!

  • http://twitter.com/TweetSecrete Meera

    Since when is penis evil? 0_0 Dude realizes he has one right? Also…………………..since when are penises rectangles? O-O

    • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      Uh… isn't everyone's (evil/rectangular)…?

  • Floppycrow

    Didn't this guy see “The Exorcist”? It demonstrates clearly how the cross is also a phallus… I mean, a penguin is tougher penetration than a crucifix any day.

  • http://twitter.com/DougLain Douglas Lain

    Everything I think I see becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.  http://youtu.be/qayjR8Qbyfc

  • jack

    cool he's just like a feminist

    • Response

      I hope you're joking.

  • Lmkz5b

    I watched this on my laptop and even my dog came up to the screen and stared at it incredulously.

  • http://adriftandatpeacemedia.blogspot.com/ Colin Griffith

    To be entirely fair, that horse is really fucking creepy in person.

  • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

    On the other hand, when I'm confronted with a public space (especially an airport),  decorated with large murals of death and cataclysm (including details of kids in coffins), I have to  wonder what the fuck is going on, whether or not a dick-obsessed christer called my attention to it…

    “On the left is depicted an endless lineup of crying parents holding
    their limp, dead baby (sic). This is a truly atrocious painting, with no
    redeeming message or moral. The fact that this was displayed at the main
    gate of the largest airport of America, during the age of political
    correctness (the nineties) is totally aberrant.”

    http://vigilantcitizen.com/sin…

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

    If good christians are supposed to be fruitful and multiply, then why the bad rap for sexual organs?

  • Elle

    Aw, come on! Everyone knows that those murals are about the end of the world and the New World Order and that the Denver airport leads to an underground military base where all the US government officials are going to go hide!

    (sarcasm)

    • yakovlev

      (sarcasm)

    • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      I'd be completely happy to read a non-sarcastic comment on the murals capable of explaining their actual purpose/meaning. The sarcasm indicates confidence that you're in possession of the *actual* facts about the purpose/meaning of the murals… and that the contrast between this actual meaning and the “conspiracy theory”-meaning is so extreme that it's laughable.  People used to expect (demand, even) plausible explanations for public manifestations of the weird; instead of expecting plausible explanations, now, we just mock “conspiracy theories” and move on. This is a substantial  (and dangerous) breakdown in the social apparatus for processing reality.

       The dick-obsessed Christian's whack-factor is dwarfed by the whack-factor of the actual murals.  Not even curious about that… ?

    • http://linuxretard.wordpress.com linuxretard

      Aw, come on(my chest)! Everyone knows that vegetables is the shittiest food ever.

      (sarcasm)
      … In case you are wondering, I , Elle, am a big deal, so everyone here should give a fuck about me, and my thoughts, because they are that important.

  • inflammatorywrit

    “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse.” 

    This entire video is a goldmine.

  • http://staugustine2.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

    The late Dr Kevorkian may have given some input on the murals…

    http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=567590480 Ng Lay Peng

    I just wasted 2 minutes of my time.

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