I Hate Voicemail

oh my god, we know.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011…

ha. this is great. that guy is probably doing you a favour, anyway. now you have a legitimate excuse as to why you never contacted him.

i knew i'd seen this before, on this site, in the last week…

WHAT ARE YOU FUCKIN SEINFELD

thought catalog is only publishing this because you're molls. this is weak.

“HEY! If you have the balls to leave me a message, you should have to listen to mine first.”

I like this a lot.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way.

I explained to him that the only people who leave me voicemail messages are my mother (whom I speak to regularly, but is always all worked up because I came out of her vagina and live 3000 miles away,) creditors who I can’t afford to pay (I’ll get to you when I have money, Sue! Go fuck yourself! Is it not obvious that I’m not the kind of person who’s planning on NEVER paying you back, Sue?) and drunk exes desperate to get some sort of emotional reaction out of me.

Damn this shit summed it up

If people can tell you whatever they want to tell you in a text message, they shouldn't have called no? So I believe they called for a reason, and leaving a voicemail is sometimes better than waiting for you to call back. I personally think it's VERY unprofessional to have a full voicemail. Imagine getting a call from a potential employer and your voicemail is full. I don't suppose you expect them to text you right? Just my two cents.

man, i LIKE voicemail. i might not check it right away but it comforts me knowing that there are some great cheer-up messages for when i'm bored on my bed late at night that i can replay over on my phone, like a happy birthday shoutout, a “spooky” prank call gone bad, a little giggle session, a friend with an interesting way of saying “hellooo vicky.”

Some people are haters. I liked this, and hate voicemail. My mom berates me for not setting it up properly, and insists that it's not a total waste of time to leave a message.

Okay. Well I never realized how much I hate voice mail until I read this. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to a voice mail that went verbatim “Hi Jen, this is Dad, call me back.” Duh, I will do that. Didn't need a message for it. Thank. You. Molls.

Okay. Well I never realized how much I hate voice mail until I read this. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to a voice mail that went verbatim “Hi Jen, this is Dad, call me back.” Duh, I will do that. Didn't need a message for it. Thank. You. Molls.

Without voicemail, how will my regular creeper tell me that he can “smell my soiled panties” without feeling the pressure of me listening in real time on the other side?

Also, how does someone that's so lazy they can't check their voicemail muster the energy to write a rant about their laziness?

i love voicemail

‎”Of course none of this applies to landlines and office phones, but who even has either one of those things anymore?”

Umm, recruitment agents? Consulting firms? And a whole host of potential clients. Long-winded messages suck, but tis far better to wade through these than be left in suspense as to whether a missed call from a private number was a job with a short deadline that you missed out on.

Fuck, I agree. Nothing shits me more than having to sit thru a voicemail from my mom that doesn't do anything but complain about me not answering my phone.
Thankfully, visual voicemail transcribes and I can delete the fuck out of the rubbish.

you need to calm down, it's a bloody voicemail.

not everyone has the right to text, you kind of at least have to know someone to text them, otherwise you have to leave a message to get in touch

lazy fuck. there are many more interesting, if not important, things to write about than how you hate voicemail. what a ridiculous thing to hate.

WHY CAN'T SOMEONE WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT GOOGLE VOICE THEN.

This can be solved by Google Voice. Never see that annoying voicemail icon on your phone again! Read your voicemails via email like any decent message should be recieved. Plus, the translations are fun, like when it translates your ex-boyfriend saying “car” to “cock” when he tells you he has a car if you want to go for a ride …

Sorry people are being dicks about your article, Molls. I'm sure most of them are part of the needy whiner population you're referencing.

I totally agree with you though, voicemail sucks and I will always automatically delete the message and just call or text them back.

I don't mind voicemails if people are actually telling me something they need me to know (I can understand not wanting to type it all out in a short enough version for a text message). I do hate the “Hi it's ____, call me back!” messages, though. That's a waste of my time and airtime.

Thought Catalog is the new #1 go-to site to read about the most controversial topics of the day, such as voicemail.

I think we already tried that and you were real hot to trot on the topic. Elected by popular vote?

Who is self centered here?
Ever consider that there might be folks without cell phones out there?
All my calls originate from my house phone, the kind with a cord that attaches to the wall and always works.
Do I leave voicemails? Not if I can avoid it. I am familiar with the joys of caller id.
For all of my friends, unless I must convey specific information that does not require that they call me back, they get only my # recorded.
However there are situations where a message is required. In ANY message leaving situation, I write myself a script, including for my closest friends, to prevent being longwinded, and inconsiderate or sounding deranged.
You might be one of those cell phone flakes without a real telephone, you know, the kind with a cord that plugs into the wall. Oh, and in general, a trend of writing essays all starting with “I HATE” is so very childish, as is giving your dog such a foolish name.

Jesus. This is a tough crowd. It's like the Vice commenters went to college and then returned to Thought Catalog after graduation. Molls, you're hilarious. I never answer my voicemails either.

Wow Molly. So many people feel the need to put you in your place.

What was that thing you said about the most needy and annoying voicemail people needing to have their feelings felated?

Looks like you got that one spot on, honeychild.

Were you in special education in grammar school? Because, if you rode the short bus, I'll refrain from making fun of you.

Ever consider she wrote this while she still had an adrenaline rush from the anger towards her ex? I know I write long-winded rants when I'm hyped up.

FYI, set your outgoing message to the Old Spice guy by recording him off your computer. The message generator is located here: http://oldspicevoicemail.com/

It's long winded enough that people either will hang up, or hang up before leaving a message just so they can call back for the enjoyment for someone nearby.

who cares. first world problems.

sometimes it's just easier. voicemail and respect have nothing to do with each other.

Loved this. The only person that constantly leaves me voicemails is my grandma and I don't have the heart to tell her to stop. I got her call and I will call her back when I can, she doesn't seem to understand that.

But then again she's the kind of person to comment people on Facebook in her status. (Love you grandma!)

if you don't get a call back, it's not due to lack of voice mail, it's due to not wanting to.

anything not done over email doesn't deserve being done at all.

No short bus. In fact, post high school reading level in 2nd grade, gifted programs, AP placements etc.
If you are referring to my script writing to leave messages, the telephone call can create a little anxiety and when leaving messages. The script keeps everything cool and concise.
If you would like to make fun of my lack of a cell phone, go ahead, but since I work out of a home goldsmithing studio and no cell provider provides a signal worth shit in my area, I have stopped paying the extra money. I don't miss the obnoxious little thing in my life, and you can't tell me not pissing money away is dumb.
If you want to make fun of me because you can't live without your iphone and its apps and your texting, go ahead.
I'll go back to my studio and make the work like I have for the last fifteen years, the way it's been made for the last couple of thousand years.

Absolutely agree. If I want electronic communication, I'll initiate it myself.

I set my outgoing voicemail message to 90 seconds of dead silence. Most people assume my voicemail is broken and hang up.

People who know me and *really* have to leave a voicemail (ie driving and can't send a text) just put the phone on speaker and wait 90 seconds.

It means only people who are willing to waste 90 seconds of their time *for you* will get to waste your time with a voicemail. It's more equitable.

This.
I'm sick of hearing complaints about stuff like how much you hate voicemail. Poor baby.

i'm so glad someone wrote this. words cannot describe how much i despise voice mail. plus it costs like $5 extra on my plan, so fuck that shit. text me or email me. BYE.

“Don't leave me voicemail,” “Answer your phone,” “Text me instead of calling me,” we get it, Thought Catalog, your writers have a variety of opinions about cell phones. Can we please read articles with more diverse topics? It's like freakin Groundhog Day on this site.

haha! I kind of agree because I'd prefer for someone to just text or e-mail me, but sometimes I don't mind getting voicemails. I'd rather have someone leave a message telling me what they want so I have time to decide if it's something I can and/or want to do. If I answer the phone and I'm put on the spot I'll agree to it and possibly regret it later! But when people just call and say, “Hi it's [insert name here], call me back,” then that's kinda pointless due to caller ID and it could've been done via text!

i liked this, i like everything you write. you are one of my favorites on this site and i absolutely hate voicemail.

The only thing I hate more than voice mails are full voice mailboxes. All my friends know better than to leave a voice mail, so when I have one I know it's probably important.

Everyone's too goddamn busy to even listen to a VOICEMAIL these days? Wow, sorry I wasted your precious time… are you the President? NO. You are not that special that you can just demand people to text you instead like they're a little child for whom you have no time. Sometimes it's easier to explain complicated situations over the phone via texting, and not everyone has a smartphone to just shoot off a quick e-mail. I'm sorry but this article was dumb.

Disagreed. Why is it ballsy to leave a voicemail…? Why do people have phones if they don't want people to contact them? Just sayin'.

That means the message sucks, not voicemail.

You're missing her point. Molls loves to be contacted, she just doesn't want to be contacted in an archaic way.
I personally find voicemails useful in very rare occasions, but if you want to contact me in that way I like Molls' idea of making you listen to the other ways you can contact me that will probably get you a reply from me a lot faster.

Love this. HATE voicemail. I have some auditory processing issues, so making myself sit down with a pen and try to puzzle out which of the rushed mumbling contains important info is like pulling teeth.

My solution is to meet in the middle and use YOUMAIL.com. (No, I don't work for them.) Voice-to-text transcription turns all of my voicemail into email messages that I can process the same as the rest of my inbox. If you've got a schmancy smartphone, there's an app that lets you manage the messages and download any phone numbers or addresses mentioned.

Best feature is the contact management so you can auto-ditch creepers and debt collectors, and add different outgoing messages for specific contacts. (My brother gets a Southpark quote, friends get something short and casual, unknowns get something neutral, and telemarketers get an 'AT&T Service Disconnected' tone and a hang-up.)

The service has seriously saved my bacon, and made me much less phonephobic–seriously helpful when it comes to filtering through the rambling crap, getting back promptly on job applications and generally communicating in a cell-centric universe. It's like having your own little robot secretary.

(Sidenote: Seems like there's some unspoken cell-etiquette when it comes to SMS, like it's more… intimate? Texting seems to be expected when it comes to friends and family, but with acquaintances/professional contacts there's a weird grey area. I remember the first time a doctor texted me after we had played some extended voicemail phone-tag and it felt sorta like someone had walked into my bedroom uninvited.

Maybe this will change as communication continues to speed up and cells/affordable data plans become even more ubiquitous.)

One time after a friend had called my phone 4 times in a row, instead of leaving me a voicemail, she sent me an email that just said “call me”. Like if you're going to go through the trouble of emailing me just write out what you would have said to me on the phone. Personally I hate both voicemail and cellphones. I wish people would email more often.

Dumb discussion. You can’t expect a potential employer to text you. Cant’t you? Sounds rude and selfish forcing people to leave you a message the way you decide. Voicemail has still its utility for may different situations.

Dumb discussion. You can’t expect for a potential employer to text you. Can’t you? Would you want your doctor or your lawyer to text you? I doubt it. Sounds rude and selfish to decide on how people should leave you a message. Voicemail has still its utility for many circumstances and situations.

Dumb discussion. You can’t expect a potential employer
to text you. Can’t you? Would you want your doctor or your lawyer to text you?
I doubt it. Sounds rude and selfish to decide on how people should leave you a
message. Voicemail has still its utility for many circumstances and situations.

Well the point of a voice mail is to give you information. What is the person who called you is actually busy when you try to contact them? The voicemail will tell you the reason they called. What if you boss needed you to come in to work an extra shift? I don’t see the point in complaining about voice mail. I guess it could get irritating if someone calls multiple times and leaves multiple messages. Then again if it is something really important then I’d understand.

anyone who complains about vm & would rather everyone text them must be young like under 30, under 40 for sure i,m 41 not 71 i,m telling you it’s so impersonal it’s good for some things like what time Friday 8pm or r u coming to the whatever yes no shit like that but you shouldn’t have a long conversation texting or brake up with someone by text or letter or quit a job or fire someone by text or letter really those things should be done face to face but at least be able to hear your voice but the # 1 reason is it’s hard to tell if someone’s joking or upset or there mood in general without hearing there voice it comes down to a respect