How To Write “How To Shit on LSD”

sweet ass

I woke up last night in a fit of epiphany and wrote down the line that would become the crux of my powerful future bestseller and the basis of my eventual cult following.

Three's Company lulled me back to sleep.

When I woke up, I read the note beside my bed. The line was:

“If that's not your story, get off my lap.”

the shaving legs part was very lorrie moore

the internet/blogosphere is so fucking doomed, this shit is exhibits A-Z

it's ok. sometimes people need space in relationships. hard when you're doing the distance thing, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v… read it twice with this song on repeat thinking about synethsesia and the anthropomorphizing of inanimate objects that really do sometimes seem like they're “looking for a better life”

finished second reading thinking that I was looking for a better life, and might be an inanimate object as well

add comment and retreat into a meditation on codependency stemming from my last relationship triggered by the image of two people whose hand-holding is usually natural

this is very good

how so?

Sweet how you created your opus out of something you thought was your opus but then you thought wasn't your opus

I liked this a lot Megan. It was very cool. It turned out to be a relationship piece, which, was very cool. It's weird being around a person you love, all the time, especially being a writer. Luckily you two are both writers. When your husband wanted to get energy drinks, mexican food and write, I was like, yes, me too. It's weird being creative with another person around, but you two seem to be doing it. If you press my link there is a blog of an acid trip, I wrote about, where I thought I was damned by god, if you have time/desire.

I love 'Give yourself permission to imagine an entire chapter in a literary criticism textbook devoted to your delicate, bizarrely groundbreaking, hypothesized-as-accidental-”but-given-Boyle’s-oeuvre-we-now-know-this-must-have-been-intentional” symbolism.'
It's exactly the kind of thing that I think when I put symbolism that I'm scared other people won't get in my writing

I'm going to predict that meta-meta-writing won't be nearly successful as meta-writing, in case anyone is thinking of trying it.

Mostly, I wish you would've actually let me read How To Shit on LSD. I like this OK, but mostly just because Megan Boyle wrote it. Can I please read “How To Shit on LSD”?

i thought and felt a lot of things while reading this, i don't remember what they were.

i think you hit the nail on the head. side note – who cares about how to shit on LSD?

delicious.

heh

Wow, this was really good.

i really hated this at first but then i really liked it

reading and drinking red bull thought 'i feel so happy. why do i feel so happy.'

seems like i … read this 'certain' it would end with a hug-filled reconciliation scene…nice twist

I…I love this. I really, really do.

i felt emotional reading this

i had a dream ~2 nights ago in which i was lying in bed, 'facing tao' so that we were making eye contact, and he was saying '[something like "megan..."]' repeatedly while making 'really weird, “normal people”' facial expressions, and during my first reading of this essay i kept thinking 'is this my dream all over again' in a manner where i didn't 'actually think' it was my dream, or something, but [something else].

the second time i read this i think i focused more on the sentences and essay as a whole, and i enjoyed it

good job megzo

just thought 'megzo ass nigger' then 'nigger' in a 'violent' tone of voice

laughing now…

I feel that overgrown lawn. I'm glad you kept it there. Aside from that, it sounds like you had a pretty lame trip. I hope you didn't pay much for it.

This viscerally reminded me of how much my partner & I overanalyzed gesture in my last long-term relaish. Exhausting.

me

“Je dis qu'il faut être voyant, se faire voyant. Le poète se fait voyant par un long, immense et raisonné dérèglement de tous les sens.” -Arthur Rimbaud, 1871

sweet

just thought 'ls-lsd'

I'm on the shitter right now on LSD. I need help. I can't feel my lower body. This article…

Good job Megan. I like what you say about the drain pipe.

I don't know if this made me miss my boyfriend or LSD more. I do know that I would never ever want to be in the NYU library on hallucinogens.

wow that's a really offensive thought.

think i've never seen the word 'megzo' until now

your dream…lol…

i don't really like the more recent 'drug' tao lin. seems much less interesting, in a negative way. seems like drug use is childish and kind of lame. is megan a 'bad influence'?

it feels… 'natural,' to me, i think, to think 'megzo' when thinking of megan

i think i have thought it before…

during part of the dream we were sitting on my bedroom floor (i can't remember if mallory/megan/[other people] were there) and you kept saying things in what seemed like a 'natural, normal person voice,' making 'normal people' facial expressions and gestures… like… saying 'come on, buddy' and 'punching' my leg… or something…

I wish Tao Lin would stop retweeting Megan's unoriginal shit.

'nice' -sandrizzle

It's weird that there is a comment like this on just about every internet article in existence. Some kind of droll, negative comment along the lines of “this article would be great if the writer wasn't so shitty” or something like that.

Seriously, just about any article anywhere on the internet has at least one comment like this. It must be an innate human response to reading. And I am not suggesting that negative comments are bad or that only positive comments should be made. Directly below, GGGGGG has made a negative comment that actually has substantive content which, to my mind, makes it an interesting negative comment.

This is not to express agreement with either comment (I really enjoyed this piece) but to demonstrate the difference between an interesting negative comment and a pointless negative comment.

sweet

hehe, damn…

think i have done that also, the waking up thing

sweet, thanks mcgrathbro

sweet

outer space y'all

reading this made me feel nervous and worried, like i wanted to fix something.

i've been married for a long time and just a few seconds before i sat down here to read some things and check some things, my husband and i had a thing that wasn't a fight – we don't really do that probably mostly because i tend to avoid conflict at almost any cost – anyway it was just some quiet words back and forth that i know come from old little and big hurts, with no resolution and really no moving forward or backward. relationship shit, not good and not actually bad, but not nothing.

and at first, to be honest, i didn't really want to read this because i have an aversion to stories containing shit references – i like the word shit but not talking about shitting or shit jokes – but now i'm glad i did read it.

megan, i've liked everything i've read of yours where you describe things between people and/or relationships. this – to me – started in one place and then seemed to focus and gather speed in a different direction. at least that's how i felt while i was reading it.

i don't usually like to say so much. but maybe i just read this at exactly the right time. anyway, i liked it. and hopefully i won't feel so worried in a little while.

that song seems scary, reminds me of a sinister man carving things

i liked reading your thoughts about the article…think i am looking for a better life, possibly inanimate also

sweet

hehe

thanks cccp

sweet, brian, i'm glad you thought those things. will read your acid trip account. mexican food…

nice, tom

hi bill a pomerans

sweet

nice squirtle…

hehe, sweet

thought about including it as a 'bonus pack' at the end

it will maybe be somewhere at some point maybe

nice, mario…

sweet

sweet

myspace tom

damn

lol…

sweet re lawn…overgrown ass lawn…

it was okay/fun, seemed the most fun from ~20 minutes before bathroom – ~20 minutes after, then didn't feel it much. forget how much i paid, know the cost was split a few months ago

i analyze gesture a lot too…

nice, seems french

sweet

lolsd

damn, nice

how to shit on lsd while shitting on lsd…

hi cassandra, sweet/thank you

richard yates lost chapters

good that you split costs!

incredibly good
thank you for sharing

this piece is nice. i have the sense that the apprehension and doubt which goes into it is genuine.
i have followed you and tao's careers with interest from a distance…
i'm fascinated by the world of your writing and head– one with its all own “joke lexicons”, references/memes/devices and the transparency exhibited in your work… i must say i felt like it resonated with me and i “got it” immediately.
also it boggles my head to imagine what it must be like to really be living inside the super-ironic post-modern meta-sarcastic literary experiment that is your lives…
anyway i say with confidence that i think you're onto something new.. so keep going

damn, sweet

where would you want to be on it?

hehehe, sweet

sandreezy bustin up the comments!!!!!!

glad you came around

damn, why would disqus delete my comment in response to you

i don't get it, i think i had a long-ish comment that was clearly 'not spam'

i remember saying “vicky trots in the house!!!!” and wanting to indicate i felt happy reading your comment

i'm hot lol.

thanks for the validation.

sweet

really good

Oh Megan. I really like everything you write, but this is probably my favorite now.

an alliterating and 'sinister' m/inister

Whilst reading this my brain allowed me to absorb what was being said in the piece as well as at the same time 'zone out' and think about other bizarre things in life in an abstracted way and as a result make sense of them (mainly things in life that others perhaps would consider 'normal'/acceptable). It wasn't my usual state of naturally 'zoned out' for insistence while reading this i was able to make valid revelations about these bizarre instances.

in conclusion this was a mind fuck. An excellent sweet ass mind fuck.

Thankyou Megan

No worries, if not :-)

i feel like you missed an opportunity to get to some Bukowski-esque “nitty-gritty” sensorial writing of how it actually feels to shit on LSD, which is always weird (at least for me) b/c you (or maybe just me) can feel every muscle in your abdomen mysteriously contracting in sync in order to cause the BM (almost like discovering that there has been this rube goldberg machine in your body all along);

that being said, i think this was some good shit and that maybe u need to just kind of chillax (i.e. ur not a piece of shit), maybe without the xannies (of course the catch 22 is if you're happy/content and not taking drugs, what is there to write about?)

good article.

i had a similar experience on ketamine when i was at a subway restaurant and i kept thinking i had already shit my pants.

i haven't taken lsd in a while because no one has it in the midwest.

this article makes me want to look for it again, with more determination.

i just thought about a talk show that was a person on lsd taking a shit and talking about things.

i have to go to target now to work.

i think i'm closing tonight with ruben.

me and ruben talk a lot about “los zetas” the violent mexican drug cartel.

i'll probably eat yogurt on break.

then when the cashier tanisha sees me eating the yogurt, she will say, “yogurt man” like she always does.

white power.

I would be interested in reading your “'refreshingly whimsical,' uninformed philosophizing about reality.” But I do agree that people want to read about loneliness and the like. Reading this sort of hurt… like I could feel the rejection myself, from your “husband.” I really liked it and it held my attention… kudos Megan Ass Boyle.

Piece was evocative, so I suppose it did it's job there. Don't mess with LSD too much though, it can mess you up in the long run.

hi kdub

i feel averse to the title of this article too…heh

i liked reading your thoughts, thanks for typing them. seems like it is natural to 'worry' about the things you're worried about

hehe

np, thanks math

damn, sweet rachel b. scotch

hi brooke. nice, think i have felt things like that from reading before and like that feeling

hm, interesting

hi sam pink, i liked reading your comment

i want to do ketamine…lsd seems good, i didn't realize i had shat

the talk show sounds sweet

pictured you eating “sam pink” brand yogurt, like it says your name on the side and it's pink

white power

target power

lsd at target…

hi rilez, sweet/thank you

hey thatguy, glad it evoked

this was funny/emotional/enjoyable
thank you megan boyle

hi bearfish

thank you for commenting, i'm glad you liked it :)

the chinese are going to kick our asses.

great shit jij

accidentally 'liked' this as second of two people

resent reading anything that first mentions megan boyle re: tao lin, as “his wife” or any term of the 'sort' as in “Tao Lin's New Bride Snorts Cocaine Off Of His Nether-Regions”
i realize this comment didn't refer to megan boyle that way, thought previous statement was related and now seems non-sequitur like

and i don't know, who first started using drugs/ started using drugs as subject matter for their oeuvre.. does anyone really know, i don't think it matters much. ia with “childish and kind of lame”, but i think it's the same level of interesting. i don't think i care what tao lin / megan boyle write about. i enjoy reading both their writing anyways

i enjoyed reading this, megan
felt 'worried/nervous' and then 'calm/reassured' and then actively interested in reading more of your writing

love this a lot.

You guys have painted yourselves into a stylistic corner… while illustrating how many chances (infinite) there are for saying roughly the same thing (jejune disconnected ennui ) in roughly the same way (twitterishly). Because stuff just keeps kinda happening, doesn't it? (Discovery!) And stuff-that-keeps-kinda-happening can go directly to “page”! aka Tumblr picnic. aka TinyPic road trip to Indiana. aka 4chan half-assed face-covered hipster orgy. Etc. Forever! It's not even hard work!

I kept thinking how much I almost liked it in places. I kept thinking: here it comes!

PS Vonnegut hits you with a toy bunny stuffed with rocks. You've got the toy bunny…

stuff keeps happening bro

thanks for commenting

was hoping this would result in tye-dye-ahrrea

Read like à cry for help after realizing u married the douchebag from ‘Richard yates’. Being seemingly forced upon selfdisgusted of binge eating, being used to being patronized and delittleized, knowing ur worth more but being too downtrodden in downward spirals. I could be projecting.

why don’t you and tao live together?

I enjoyed this. I wasn’t expecting a semi-behind-the-scenes look at your writing process, and I liked that I was surprised. 

Also, I felt a little sad reading it. The moments of coldness (found in most relationships) you describe lends pathos to the piece. 

Writing about writing, which this is (some of it, anyway), is very interesting to me.

Okay?

i felt good/energized when i wrote it. if i ever felt the things i think you’re describing i would stop being in a relationship. i don’t associate ‘worth’ with ‘existing’

think we both like the ‘personal space’ and variety living in different places provides

living with my dad saves money, also

i have two cats and tao has cat allergies, also

thanks seymour :)

This is one of the most beautiful-meaningful things I have ever read.

i like your writing. my favorite part of this was the image of ronald mcdonald crashing a party. i laughed out loud and my mom asked me what was so funny so i told her and she didn’t think it was that funny, maybe because she’s getting older and part of that is probably knowing that your death is closer than it used to be.  one question though for you ms. writer lady (congratulations on getting published i bet that felt sweet!) how do you keep track of your internal monologue so well? do you use a tape recorder?

i liked the post, i thought it was refreshingly original but on the same hand i see alot of self doubt. and the only doubt that matters is self doubt… it is the only real doubt which can derail a person entirely. yes it is important to continuously evolve (in writing and in life) but it is also important to be tough on yourself without being pessimistic or with despair. As a person who has tried a fair share of blotters i can recognize the trip and the constant question on yourself and your surrounding. BUT you must also recognize that the trip occurs to enlighten not to discourage, in the end each trip should always be about new self discovery and an openness with the world around even if the world isnt the way you WANT it to be.
i see at points you realize this and accept life for the way it is but i hope that (as ive seen in some of your other pieces) you overcome your self doubt. It took me a long time (and it will take my whole life) to begin to overcome self doubt. But overcoming it is more important than even being talented because if you have talent and dont recognize (and i think every person has talent) then that talent is wasted.

Well hot dog.  I’m inspired.