How To Have Great Sex (A Guide For Straight Girls)
Have you ever found yourself lying inert, wondering why this rapidly pounding idiot even needs you there (can’t he just cum into a cup or something?), or how much porn this dude must watch (because seriously, being perched like this requires far too much concentration just to maintain the posture let alone be pleasurable), or why this guy is essentially a grown up but clearly hasn’t learned any new moves since he was 15 (or worse, that maybe he’s a virgin)? First time sex is tricky to navigate, and I’d say that 99.9% of the time it’s going to be a pretty damned awful experience, for the girl anyway. There’s lots of things that can go wrong for a guy, yes, but he (generally) gets to cum, no matter how awkward the sex is or how much unnecessary vaginal friction is created. I’m not convinced first time sex needs to be this bad for women, or bad at all for that matter. All it takes is a ‘can do’ attitude, a little bit of bravado, and Bob’s your uncle—you’ll be having great sex before you know it.
Find a guy who is good in bed
HA! GOTCHA! Keep reading moron.
You just met a guy at the bar. He’s already referring to you as babe. When he kisses you he plasters your cheeks and chin with saliva and rubs the valley between your thighs as if he’s trying to get a stain out. Not only does he think it’s OK to try and finger bang you in public, he’s got a raging boner and he’s not shy about dry humping you on the dance floor. And OH MY GOD HE’S TRYING TO GIVE YOU A HICKEY! Use your common sense girlfriend—this isn’t the kind of guy you want to sleep with, and making out with him has proven it. You could give him the benefit of the doubt; I’m sure he’s a lovely guy who just got a little bit too drunk. But the fireworks aren’t happening tonight, so cut your losses—take his number if you like him and call him another time—go home alone because you really will thank yourself in the morning.
Know What You Want
If you don’t know what you want then you’re probably never going to have good sex. Normally, sex in a committed relationship or with someone you trust unequivocally are great places to learn what you like in a safe, comfortable environments. If you haven’t had this luxury, then flip open a laptop and pull down your panties—watch some porn, read some material on sexual habits and/or touch yourself. Sexual education is about more than birth control and the dangers of STDs; and while these things are imperative to healthy sex habits, so too is knowing and respecting your body, what turns you on and how to be comfortable with your own desires.
Know What You Don’t Want
This is just as important as knowing what you do want—you need to have a certain degree of self awareness to ensure that you don’t find yourself in a situation you’re not comfortable with, because nothing makes sex worse than doing something you really don’t want/like to do. I don’t like having sex in darkness, and I’ve found myself in situations where all the lights are off and all I can think about is not being able to see, and the sex, inevitably, is terrible. NEVER worry that not wanting something is a turn off to the other party—you are the master of your body and your domain, and a guy can literally go fuck himself if he doesn’t like you saying no to something. You should never feel pressured into a situation that you’re not 100% OK with.
Verbalise. You can’t be embarrassed about this stuff, especially when it comes to communicating what you don’t want. If you don’t feel comfortable telling a guy what you want, show him. Most guys are flying blind at this point, so they’ll appreciate the guidance.
Get On Top
I find the best way to get what you want out of sex is to get on top. There’s always the cocky bastard that will grab your hips and start thrusting upwards, completely out of rhythm with the beat you’re trying to move to. I just try to hide the incredulity on my face (really, guy? Just who do you actually think you are, buddy?) and put on a sexy purr (by this point I normally want to slap him in the face and walk out), tell him to lie back, be still and let me do my thing. Some guys will fight you on this. He’ll give you 10 seconds of independent playtime then he’ll start winding his hips again. He thinks he knows better, but he doesn’t—be kind but firm, and once he realises you’ve got more to offer than his one-trick jack-rabbit, he will be very appreciative.
Fuck it, if you’re nervous, get drunk. There’s nothing like a bit of Dutch Courage to turn you into the naughty cowgirl you are deep inside. After a few drinks you’ll loosen up (pun not intended) and feel freer to ask for the things that feel good. You’ll probably also try and do a striptease (as you sway sexily from side to side and try to kick your trainers off) but hey, you can’t win ‘em all.
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Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
I was 24 and, while not gay, ever since college I had been getting more attention from gay men than from heterosexual women.