How To Have a Baby

beautiful.

Good god, this is amazing.

This is beautiful.

stoke.

thanks briana.

stoke.

i really like this, i enjoy the spanglish, feels like having a baby is sort of fun. love the ending. good job.

Warm fuzzies.

thanks stephanie.

stoke.

this is wonderful. Congratulations.

This article was great and made me feel really emotional. I got a little teary near the end. It made me wish I was dating someone I love. It made me wish I wasn't medically unable to have children.

Brilliant.

Thank you for this. Truly amazing. Mazel tov!

stoke.

thanks scytle.

warm stoke.

This is like founding out that your sports team won last night – but a lot better. What name did you and she choose?

So beautiful. Tearing up over here.

I came thisclose to crying at the end. Thank you.

thanks robin.

stoke.

thanks evan, stoked.

our daughter's name is 'layla' – only not pronounced like eric clapton song. we use spanish pronunciation, it's like 'lie-lah.'

thanks for the mazel, will.

stoke.

stoke.

I was tearing up too. A beautiful account through a man's perspective. I really appreciated this!

thanks reid.

you make me want to write more about this.

part of what i was trying to convey here was that, at least for me, i couldn't connect to baby during pregnancy. that it felt abstract, unreal.

it wasn't until i saw her face that there was connection, recognition.

but that said, it wasn't until i began to care for her that i felt love for her.

i think i might try write about this. seems important.

you don't just 'love the baby', necessarily.

your instinct as a human is (hopefully) to protect, to care for.

but the love comes (or at least it did for me) 'out of' that care.

it builds over time just like any other relationship.

what i'm trying to express here is that i don't believe love / connection is predicated on biology.

'being a father' (for me) is about taking care of someone.

Your ending gave me chills & near tears. Congrats.

Getting a little teary in a packed public library. Lovely.

stoked you were feeling this naya, thank you.

thanks lindsay, stoke.

thanks catt, stoke. i think i cried just a little bit as i was writing last part.

thanks gabrielle.

stoke.

David, thanks for sharing this. Gabriel's sleeping and I feel like I have a million things to do before he gets up to nurse again, but once I started reading I couldn't stop until the last word. I love how the style and format evokes the evolution of your thoughts throughout the pregnancy and delivery. I love how it comes across as so real and honest, and how it allows women readers to see a male perspective. The whole piece had a really nice flow to it.

damn dm, got me too, even though i'd read bits of it before. beautiful, all of it.

Incredible. Like loads of the other commenters I teared up at the end. Beautifully written. Well done.

Beautiful. I remember seeing Layla for the first time as a newborn in San Telmo.

Lovely.

stoke tim.

remember your visit so clearly.

am kind of temporarily reliving the buenos aires rooftops flow right now.

miss you mano.

thanks tom.

stoke.

appreciate it hal. stoked for you to read.

thanks heather. really appreciate your comments on this.

stoke.

stoke.

Yeah mon. The “matrix-like” bit had heavy imagery. And I really loved the scene with you holding her hand, feeling like “little kids.”

thanks carlo, stoke.

the matrix scene is reconstructed from visiting the hospital for my brother's birth. one of my earliest memories.

from the little bit i've researched, i've found that babies born in 70s and 80s in the US had like 90% circumcision rates and it was like the peak of 'industrial births' – with caesarians / major intervention going up dramatically from previous times.

since then it's become more common for births to take place at 'birthing centers' that may be part of a medical complex, but detached from the hospital, and, in general, awareness is growing about the importance for lactation and other health benefits for mothers / newborns not to be separated during the hours immediately following birth.

so so beautiful

you have me crying alone on my bed before my workout. sending to husband. love picturing this for you, hope to someday soon love it for knowing our own.
xoxo
anna

So beautiful, reminded me of She's Having a Baby minus Kevin Bacon in a cut-off sweatshirt.

thanks.

kevin bacon stoke.

thanks so much anna.

stokefest.

thanks melissa. really appreciate it.

stoke?

stoke? stoke

This might be the first time I've ever read a birthing story from the father's perspective. I'm a little emotional and blubbering into my tea right now.

I'm reading this at my work desk in Hong Kong, got pretty teary! Reminded me of my second son's birth. Thanks a lot for writing it all out.

I love this. The ending especially; it all just seems miraculous and beautiful. Made me cry :)

that comment seems almost as powerful as the whole essay above. keep it up, DM.

thanks justine.

thanks mary, glad it connected with you.

did you have your son in Hong Kong?

are home births common there?

thanks candice. wasn't expecting all of the crying. thought ppl might get alienated by this piece actually.

it feels good to get all the buena onda.

Beautiful! They way you present your thought flow allows me almost to feel some of what you must have been feeling, despite the experience being – thus far – entirely alien to me. And – gorgeous ending.

Reading this while waiting to board a plane at Miami International Airport; speaking of journeys. Amazing piece; congratulations to you and your new family!

thanks nick. feels really good to hear that. i didn't think about it in the first draft, but as i edited i tried to structure this so it went from less to more 'grounded' as time passed.

what's weird about having a kid is that (at least for me) it doesn't feel alien even if you've never had one. it goes back to something Pre Language.

gracias eva. responding to this just before packing up and getting on bus to mar del plata.

thanks for the felicidades.

God, this is beautiful. Please write more about your family.

Qi.

bpm part is genius

Thank you for this response. Seems like this attitude might be worth a shot.

This was such a beautiful read.

Congratulations! I hope your partner and your new baby are healthy and doing well.

Holy shit. Anything I could type seems trite but you expressed something here so clearly in such an honest, disarming manner that I was being swept up in the emotional flow until I couldn't understand how I got to where you took me…

Thanks David.

I totally agree… this is the first time I've heard birthing from a father's perspective as well, but it's mor e or less what I imagined it would be. It's beautifully written, and I can only hope my SO will be as crazy/supportive/crazy-supportive as you when the time comes for us to have kids.

stoke. thanks mano.

thanks alex.

i was suprised that 140-160 bpm is normal fetal heartrate.

these little furnaces just going off.

thanks fp.

i´ll think about other things to write.

thining about how to take care of a baby. kind of next chaper.

thanks km.

i'm not sure to what degree i really supported my partner actually.

at least not until the labor began.

seems like for most of the pregnancy i was just confused / anxious / impatient.

[and still am.]

i think, if anything, there were just these little moments where all of that fell away.

where i got out of the way maybe.

hence the “crazy.” even then, i can't imagine having to be there for someone and not be able to feel what they're feeling. it's the worst sort of expectation, when you can't FEEL any buildup, you just know you're supposed to, which obviously makes you confused. in any case, i'm glad that you saw clearer when you got out of the way – otherwise i'm sure this piece wouldn't have been as special.

Beautifully written David. You are an inspiration.

I've never read it from this perspective before. Really thought-provoking.

Thanks!

thanks abhijit.

stoke.

“Wow” is about all I can manage. Beauty beyond words… and terrifying. A great read, thank you.

appreciate that n&f.

stoke.

appreciate that i.f. we're all good.

As a 30 year old woman with an increased awareness that someday soon (hopefully) I’ll create a family of my own, this piece simultaneously confirmed many of my fears and allayed others. Regardless, it really made me… feel, and hope. Thanks.