5 Things That Deeply Offend Me

yes yes yes yes and yes. 

you are RIGHT ON. especially with the rude to people in retail, etc. my bf comes off as incredibly rude sometimes (he doesnt mean to, he’s just a gruff person) so i am constantly  overly nice to make up for it. ha. a smile never hurt anyone!

this is pure genius. 

you never cease to amuse and entertain me

“God, I wish I could hold a penis right now because I’m gay.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Amendment to #3

Please, for the love of Mike stop walking around the supermarket talking on your bluetooth earpiece. 1.  It makes me think I’m going crazy until I realize you are not talking to me.  2.  It makes me think you are crazy until I realize you’re not talking to yourself.  3.  If you can’t be alone with your own thoughts for the amount of time it takes you to shop for groceries you have issues, see a therapist. 

Based on the image associated with the article, I was hoping Crocs would be one of the things that deeply offend you.
Seriously, though, #4 includes a nugget of wisdom that should become #1 out of 6: people who seek validation for their awfulness. It happens in the security line at the airport, at the deli, anywhere where people are forced to stay in close proximity together for a length of time. The person misunderstands the Starbucks barista, gets pissed off, then gives you those “can you believe it?” eyes. It’s best to ignore those eyes, pretend you saw/heard nothing, but it’s more fun to look back at the person with “are you out of your fucking mind?!” eyes and hope you can make it the rest of the way through the line without incident.

“Cancel the pony.” OH MAN I love reading your articles so much I’m leaving a lame comment, yay!

i work in retail, so i strongly agree with no. 4. i don’t get why people think it’s their god-given right to treat me like crap because they’re trying to use expired coupons and i won’t let them. LEARN TO READ. and to treat people with common courtesy. asshole.

Thank you for #4. I work in a restaurant and I’m victim to that sort of  behavior quite a bit. Especially around the holidays as there are many outlet malls near my job. It’s exhausting sometimes, but I deal with it by killing these people with kindness. By the end of their meal, they’re much nicer and sometimes even apologize for being so grumpy. Sometimes :/

girls would like to hold one too not just gay guys! hahahaha 

I’M GONNA BE HONEST RYAN

I don’t usually finish reading the things you write because I don’t find your writing style appealing (different folks, different strokes, right?) but THIS WAS GREAT and even though I skipped over #1, after I read 2  - 5 and loved you for it, I went back and read 1 again.

Bless youuuuu~

r u srs with this soapboxville thing?

only if those girls like boys

Yes to #5…I especially hate those trust fund hipster types who try so fucking hard to appear poor when their parents are paying their rent, buying them everything, paying their tuition etc. Such hipster douches.

“Leave the poorly paid mail man out of it.” —–> LOLOLOLOL

We get it. You’re constantly horny. Now stop thinking about dicks and think about other stuff.

bad restaurants in Cda are partly a result of immigration policy. Yup. We have this thing called the entrepreneur class of immigrants which requires them to set up a business and hire some people for a couple years. The business doesn’t have to interest the immigrant & it doesn’t have to succeed – just has to give appearance of being vaguely business like for a couple years until the immigrant & family can apply for citizenship. Hence the plethora of crap restaurants which can’t possibly be making money. They’re not. They’re just a calculated investment in a passport.

You should kill them literally

Unfortunately where I live in the UK, people love this kind of “food”.

Hahaha “cancel the pony.” I agree with each one of these. 1) I am SO confused by bad restaurants. 2) It doesn’t phase me one bit when you talk about being gay– in fact I feel like I can relate even though I am straight 3) I don’t have a smart phone 4) It embarrasses me so much when I see someone being rude to anyone in the service industry 5) I’m a broke 25 year old. You just get it. I love it.

you are you and you are real and it’s nice to read you just being honest and not trying to jazz things up. <3 ryan

what are you – like reading my mind or something? we’re soul mates. it’s been decided. (great piece! – observations, thoughts, and candid way of communicating them.)

also RE:#5, I met this guy the other day and he described his clothing style: “I wear designer everything but make it look cheap like everyone else’s clothes.” Like verbatim. Uh

#2 is dead on! There’s so many people out there that say they’re accepting of gay people, but really have very little tolerance for it in reality. I had a friend (a straight female) who would always be the first person to call someone out for being homophobic, but she was also the first person to deny that any guy who ever had a girlfriend (or who she thought was cute) was gay. Granted I have the worst gay-dar in the world, but she really did a number on my confidence because there were a lot of guys I thought were into me (and found out later they were, only to have missed my opportunity) and she made me feel stupid for thinking it. She would also constantly get annoyed when she thought I was acting “overly flamboyant” (an adjective that’s negative connotation really hits a nerve). I realize now she was just extremely selfish and self-absorbed at the time, but she’s not alone. A lot of people want a “gay best friend” but not everyone knows how to be a gay man’s “straight best friend”. The road goes both ways (even if they do seem to “swing in different directions”, if you know what I mean.) and there needs to be a sense of tolerance that isn’t tinged with criticism.

I disagree with the whole ” there’s no such thing as being too straight”, because in So-Cal, where I live, there’s an abundance of people who are too straight. They usually border on being red-necks. You know, drive lifted trucks, are against education, and listen to Nickelback.

In regards to #2, I’m gay and often very much appreciate your “gay” pieces. With that being said, I feel that you often make your homosexuality your defining element, when in actuality, it’s simply a characteristic of yourself much like your hair color or favorite food.

I’m glad you finally addressed your commenters about the issue of people complaining how gay you are. I don’t see why it’s an issue that you’re always writing about boys, because you know, straight boys feel things like gay boys do. And can do a lot of the hurtful things gay boys do. As a straight woman, when you write about this stuff, I can relate to it. And lesbians and straight girls do ridiculous things too! Love is awesome and terrible and exciting and depressing no matter what gender(s) you’re into. Love is love.

I hope what you just said was done so with tongue in cheek,  because I’m not sure how anyone can relate sexual orientation to items, policy positions, and less than stellar music. 

Not really. 

SO GOOD BUNNY PIE !!!!

NUMBER FOUR YES. Ugh I feel like I have to apologize for being human when I see someone pull that shit

Perfect article.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/

Compare number Ryan’s #2 in this previously written article to the #4 in this one. yeah, uh huh.

Some people never understood that that was satire. well, some commenters did. thank jesus!

AMEN to every single one.

I come from a similar culture in Western New England and it has nothing to do with being straight or gay. I know just as many gay men in these parts who are redneck Republicans with jacked up trucks, stilted vocabularies, and poor taste in fashion and music. It’s just a cultural thing and something I failed to relate to from birth, long before I had any awareness of my alternative sexuality. But I will give you one thing, in such cultures, people who act ‘too straight’ are often trying too hard not to seem at all gay.

So bitter.

Ugh agree agree agree
Reminds me of the other day when one of my classmates started complaining about Glee saying about their latest episode “I don’t min gay people, but I don’t want to see that. Glee’s supposed to be about music”, first I just glared at them but then I nearly burst out laughing. Glee has been LGBT positive from the very beginning and people are just being ignorant if they feel if it all of a sudden has become “too gay”. Glee might not be the first of it’s kind (with music and LGBT characters) but because of it’s mainstreamed-ness (if that’s a word) it has the obligation and the right to do so. Promoting equality by showing that in the end we are all human who can learn to accept each others differences.

Ryan, I think I am in love with you. Stop making me laugh/cry so much.

thinking *SATIRE WARNING* may have to preface satire on TC for people like Yo Mama, unless we don’t wish to cater to stupidity.

Well said Ryan

Wait, wait, wait… Ryan’s GAY???

ooooooooooh, ryan unleashes his #dark side

I agree with number 4. Just because they are supposed to “serve” us, doesn’t mean we can treat them with rudeness. Respect it is.

http://blackhawkdon.wordpress.com

Items 3 to 5. AGREE.

Which time was a satire?

 I like how the picture for this is Crocs.

I especially agree with #2, that’s a very valid point to make and I’m glad you said it.

Man, #3, ugh. I know so many people who do that. I even know people who have separate text conversations with each other sitting across from someone else they’re talking to. It’s not even that they’re gossiping or anything, they just think it’s cool to multitask like that. Makes them look like jerks though.  

When people do #4 I take it personally for some reason. I don’t understand the need to be pissed at servers and stuff for (seemingly) no reason… 
 
#5 used to make me rage, but now I pity these people. Usually, they just have trouble fitting in and sometimes they’re spoiled to the point where they can’t properly develop good working habits for money or they become financially irresponsible. Of course, I also have friends that work hard and make tons of money, but they also have tons of bills that they have to pay, so it turns out that they’re relatively as broke as I am.

Really enjoyed this read. Great article, Ryan! 

I’ll chime in and say that you pretty much summed up exactly how I feel about this article right here lol. 

The sad thing is that by airing your grievances, you are also becoming offensive yourself.  Ah, the circle of life!

YEAH DUDE! TOTALLY! They should totally run around screaming “I’m rich” while throwing money up in the air and laughing at the poor kids that have to ride the bus.

Seeing as you are gay, I would think that you would have access to sex all the time, so why so horny?

HA HA! SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!? jk, love you.

1 thing that deeply offends me: this article.

You know what other metaphor you could have used for #1?

Your writing.

phlpn.es/7x9vmd

NUMBER FIVE YES.  Dear all of my rich friends, stop pretending you can’t give me five bucks for the cab we split when you get 80$ a week and don’t need to buy food or pay rent!  Stop being all, ugh, I can’t afford laundry right now, can you cover my beer?  No, I can’t, and unless you’re harboring a coke addiction you’re keeping very secretive, you need to stop pretending you’re not richer than jesus.   

hahahahaha “cancel the pony.”

Though I agree with bits of #2 (actors afraid of being typecast are moronic), I would argue that people do get comments for being “too straight” all the time, though not necessarily with that wording. Every time a woman (or even man) writes an article about her/his love life, there will inevitably come the comments: “ugh is this tc or a blog?” “this read like a livejournal post” “we get it, you kissed a lot of boys, good for you” etc etc. So really, the comments that say “we get it, you’re gay” are intended to send the message “we get it, you have a sex life”, the same way straight bloggers who write about themselves a lot receive comments calling them out on their self-centered posts.

That being said, I am totally on board with the anger. There are better ways to express oneself.

You can’t ride a bike? 

Haha sorry I couldn’t help it. But I agree with alllmost everything except the flipside of number 5, when people assume that because you have a few articles of designer clothing and an iPhone that you’re loaded. My parents gave me a nice birthday present last year and I saved up my last dime to buy myself a nice purse. but on the reals though, I have like 4 dollars to my name, please don’t steal my phone.

Well GUEST you obviously haven’t lived in Southern California, because if you did, you’d realize  relating sexual orientation to items, policy positions, and less than stellar music is quite easy and happens all the time. I’ve heard from many a people that So-Cal is a culture on to itself. Many people have tried to move here and acclimate to the culture but many fail. Sure, some are able to, but most can’t. It works both ways though as many people from So-Cal have trouble acclimating to other places as well. Most people I’ve known or talked to have made it any from a few months to 2years.
You see, the reason why people have a hard time adjusting to the culture here is that a lot of the native So-calers are very fake. Watch an episode of “Real Housewives of OC”, and you’ll get a glimpse(which pales in comparison to how it actually is here) and the spurious types of people here. 
I love California, but I’m very aware of the lifestyle and culture here.