Every Time I’ve Had Sex With Megan Boyle, Pt. 1 of ?

Megan Boyle is the author of Everyone I’ve Had Sex With.
Jan. 20, 2011

By Tao Lin info

Tao Lin is a writer living in Manhattan, NY.

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7 NOV 2010 | BROOKLYN, NY

We were on my bed, facing each other on our sides. I was on my left side. It was ~3:30AM. There was some moonlight through my windows. We remained like this for maybe two minutes. Seems like my eyes were closed most of the time, because I was afraid of it becoming a situation where we were openly staring at each other, unsure what to do. At some point one of us moved closer to the other, in a “scooting” manner, I think, and I put my arm around her and we hugged for a small amount of time before kissing. Prior to this we had not touched in any manner that I viewed as romantic or sexual, in ~40 hours interaction with other people and ~80 hours interaction with only each other. We had slept in the same bed together maybe five times. I had, throughout, felt committed to not initiating anything romantic or sexual, except one night—a few nights before this night—I felt that I might want to initiate something, at her apartment, but she drank most of a Four Loko with a shot of tequila ~1:30AM, I think, to make a video to put on the internet, and we had also earlier that night ingested hydrocodone, Xanax, some LSD, and a little cough syrup, I think, and she passed out “big time,” it seemed, before I was able to initiate anything (she was on her back on her bed, unconscious, it seemed, with her MacBook on her stomach and I moved her arm to untangle a cord, or something, and moved the MacBook to the floor and lay beside her and sort of “pawed” at her arm and maybe shoulder a little, then meekly held her arm and briefly touched her hand probably, then put my arm on her arm and lay on my side, sort of facing her, and closed my eyes to sleep, in part thinking it could be interpreted, if she woke, as me sort of accidentally putting my arm on her arm, not me initiating something).

After kissing maybe ~90 seconds I think I began feeling that we were probably going to have sex, in part because it seemed like neither of us would want to stop until there was nothing more that could be done, and it didn’t seem like there would be another way for there to be “nothing more that could be done” than to have sex (at this point in the relationship I think neither of us ever expressed not wanting something, if the other person wanted something, but always defaulted to whoever wanted something). After maybe five minutes my pants were off, my penis was “out,” and it seemed like I was hovering it around her vagina for a medium amount of time, kissing her and sometimes touching her vagina with my fingers, I think, from above mostly. Her eyes seemed to be closed the entire time, which I interpreted as “not a good sign” because I had read from her “Every Time I’ve Had Sex” piece that I published on Muumuu House about a year ago, after reading it on her blog maybe two years ago, that she liked sex where there was “a lot of eye contact.” I think we moved in a manner where it was implied that we passively didn’t want to use a condom, in that there were probably thousands of tiny reciprocating movements, of increasing evidence, until I put my penis into her vagina, maybe guided by her to some degree, I don’t remember, that we were both acting as we wanted to act, in terms of condoms. I had read from “Every Time I’ve Had Sex” that she didn’t seem to have a strong concern, or any concern, maybe, about not using a condom.

We had sex ~50 minutes. I remember looking at the time after we finished because it seemed like a long enough amount of time that I felt unsure and curious about what time it was. I knew the approximate time we began because she was driving back to Baltimore ~8:30AM and we had calculated how much time we could sleep. We ended with our heads on the opposite side of the bed than we began. We were both sweating. I’m 90% sure I didn’t orgasm. I think there were moments when I focused on not orgasming, due to not wanting to without first knowing her thoughts about it. I’m not sure what caused us to stop. Seems like I must have felt that she orgasmed, as I did things with my fingers, and stopped. I felt optimistic that we had sex ~50 minutes because usually the first time I have sex with someone I don’t maintain an erection more than 5 to 10 minutes, I think.

12 NOV 2010 | SOLON, OH

We were at Jordan Castro’s parent’s house, in an upstairs guest room. I think it was ~11:30PM. After maybe two minutes of sex with me on top and the blankets over us, I think, we heard someone weakly knocking on the door (or making some kind of noise outside the door) and sort of panicked a little and stopped moving. I thought something important might be happening because we were both making quiet, but probably hearable from the other side of the door, “sex noises” that seemed like they would normally stop people from wanting to interrupt. Then I think the door opened a little, someone said something, and the door closed again. We were both naked, I think. Megan put on something quickly, I think, and went to the door. It was Mallory Whitten. I don’t remember what she said to Megan.

15 NOV 2010 | SOLON, OH

We were still at Jordan Castro’s parent’s house. Everyone in the house was sleeping. It was ~1:00AM. Megan was driving me to the airport ~6:00AM, then driving herself to Baltimore for a class she had that afternoon. We decided to ingest mushrooms and not sleep and film a movie. We each drank a cup of coffee and ingested mushrooms and a little Adderall, I think, and each “pooped,” or tried to, and showered. We did things on my MacBook a little in the living room then went to the basement. We kissed ~10 minutes in the “work out” room. We went in the “game room” and sort of rolled around on the carpet and did some somersaults, then went in a room that seemed to be used for working on things and closed the door and turned off the lights. We performed oral sex on each other (I was standing, I think, when she did it to me; I think she was on her back on the carpet when I did it to her), then had sex “missionary style” for what felt like a long time.

The mushrooms, somewhat unexpectedly, seemed to eliminate almost all inhibitions, most anxiety-causing thoughts, and all or most sensations not directly related to “sexual pleasure.” I seemed to feel unaware of almost everything except “sexual pleasure,” but maybe because it seemed like that sensation had, to some degree, “spread” to other areas of my sensory perception in a “blanketing” manner. It seemed like a detached yet “intense” form of sex. I think she orgasmed at some point, maybe when I performed oral sex on her, or after that, when I was fingering her, and then we had sex “missionary style” for what seemed like a long time, until I orgasmed in her, then went upstairs quickly and showered together in the guest room’s bathroom.

18 NOV 2010 | BATON ROUGE, LA

We checked into a large-seeming Hyatt after driving ~45 minutes searching for a hotel. It was maybe ~9:30PM. We put our things down and kissed standing—her back against the “foot” of the bed—maybe five minutes while relatively slowly removing our clothes. We remained standing a few minutes while I fingered her a little and she sort of fondled or “held” my penis. We seemed to be “taking it slow” this time. She moved backward, onto the bed, and I sort of crawled in her direction in an “advancing” manner, over her, and we had sex “missionary style” maybe 5 or 10 minutes. I think I orgasmed in her, then lay on top of her for an amount of time. I don’t remember if she orgasmed. I think she probably did because I usually don’t stop doing things to her until she orgasms. We showered separately, I think, then drove somewhere to eat dinner, I think. TC mark

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  • http://twitter.com/billApomerans Bill A Pomerans

    unexpected, but interesting to read
    i liked it
    seems like the beginning of your relationship was a 'dry spell', but then you 'got your dick wet' a lot

  • Chillwave Gonzales

    “A true love story.” -Milan Kundera

  • http://twitter.com/charlesmj thom

    So you haven't had sex since you've been married?

  • Brandon Gorrell

    sweet

  • http://lazyroar.blogspot.com/ Lazy Roar

    It's interesting/sort of humorous how your first sexual encounter was colored by what you had read in her essay.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    'Pt. 1 of ?'

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    hehehe

    sweet…

  • http://wayindie.blogspot.com/ kelly huckaby

    i really like the title ('Pt. 1 of ?' ), it made me laugh and it felt like you were winking or something.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hehe…

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hi bill

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    the spectre of 'everyone i've had sex with'…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6I5AGZ6ZUQZPZCGMA3T265M6KU Franklin

    This is a new low in the bourgeoning field of “overshare” as creative writing.

    The title was clever, but this isn't well written nor is it interesting.

  • RachelScotch

    I wasn't interested in you until I read this. Makes you seem more human, makes me glad to know you “bang” Megan Boyle.

  • Rachel

    fingering is good!

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    damn

    interesting

  • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

    sweet
    I hope jordan castro's parents are cool with this

  • saramcgrath

    hot ass sexy ass

  • Junior

    couldn't help but visualize each time you had sex… feel weird imaging a serious/horny facial expression on tao, feel weird imaging megan boyle “slurping on his johnson”..

    what's next… sex tape…mdma films presents “a sex tape”…..

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hi kelly

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    slurping, nice

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    sweet

    lol re “we were both making quiet, but probably hearable from the other side of the door, “sex noises””

    based on my memory, i think mallory walked to my bedroom and said something like “did… i think… i think i just… walked in on megan and tao having sex”

    i felt interested the entire time i was reading this

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    interesting re you/mallory perspective

    interesting…

    sweet

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    do you remember what you thought re “if it was my parents knocking on the door” or did you think [anything like that], seems sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i think i didn't think anything, or almost nothing

    i think i mostly focused on 'sheltering' myself under the blankets, and, like, solving the situation by 'hiding'

    also overall i felt 'secure' in knowing that megan and i weren't doing anything wrong or extra unseemly, and so felt overall 'secure' in things

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    sweet

  • http://timothypresence.com/ Timothy Willis Sanders

    lol…

  • dalas

    Can I book some time at Jordan Castro's parents' house? Seems like a chill place to bone.

  • "Annoyed" Reader

    Oh my god I hate the way you use inverted commas on everything. It's totally “lame” and adds nothing to your “depressing-ass” “writing.”

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    damn

    seems like a popular comment

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • mario

    dang.

  • Hao Luo

    I swear to god it's like I'm at a high school cafeteria in here. What is this nonsense?

  • Ann

    Huge like. This is garbage.

  • Matt

    I have to say I found this oddly touching.

    Should probably make a joke about Megan “oddly touching” Tao's penis, but whatever.

  • bobby hill

    i like to be constructive when i make comments, but i am not sure how to say something constructive about this. first, i am not sure what this uber-stilted, self-conscious style adds to the piece. what's with the gratuitous quotation marks? and all the “we did xyz, i think.”
    i don't think it adds anything. sure, it gives this piece a distinct style–a distinctly annoying style. this piece lacks beautiful prose, and it also lacks a compelling narrative, and it also lacks any illuminating insights. so….what gives? is it a parody of recent hipstery writing (fiction and non)? if that's what it is, then it really works.

  • mario

    dang.

  • mario

    dang.

  • andy

    gay

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/2011/01/20/american-idol-is-awesome/ Brian McElmurry

    This was really sweet. Vulnerable in a way. More sex and drugs! I like reading things like this. Do you enjoy weed at all? Seems safest of the drugs, but does cause anxiety more than others. Xanax with LSD seems like a good idea, to take the edge off. The mushroom sex sounds great!

  • Chillwave Gonzales

    Another email from Milan Kundera. He calls Tao's and Megan's love “a 21st-century explosion.”

  • Chillwave Gonzales

    Another email from Milan Kundera. He calls Tao's and Megan's love “a 21st-century explosion.”

  • http://fuckheadwitha.blogspot.com/ jwg

    seems like jordan castro's house facilitates a lot of banging. the quotes around the word 'out' in the phrase “my penis was 'out'” frighten me.

  • jeez

    what i got out of this is that tao lin thinks a lot, i think

  • http://timothypresence.com/ Timothy Willis Sanders

    might make you feel less 'annoyed'…hope you feel better soon…

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011…/

  • http://slopss.tumblr.com shitfuck…idgi

    Tao, you have a frighteningly autistic-like memory for shit like this. I couldn't finish the article, probs cuz im “robotrippin” [to use your lovely lil quoties] but also because I feel sort of pornographic. (should I add I think here?)
    p.s. how long does robotrip last
    p.p.s. i envy you, Tao, because you are really good at writing shit honestly esp. when writing about taboo topics
    g2g my skull is cleaving i think my brain hurts a lot

  • Joe

    will Tao Lin do for the macbook what JG Ballard did for the automobile?

  • Jordan

    Awesome.

  • therin c. musterground

    i like ur pic

  • elsieboy

    dang.

  • http://twitter.com/john__dorian john dorian marshall

    command + f “i think”

  • saramcgrath

    mushroom sex

  • saramcgrath

    hipstery

  • Piquo

    Seems like you're happy & that makes me happy.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hi piquo

    sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    to me it wasn't a parody

    i feel that i arranged things in a manner that i liked

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hi matt

    sweet

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ HBGWHEM

    after i read this, i imagined a hypothetical couple at a hypothetical coffee shop and the hypothetical girl leaned in towards the sad hypothetical boy and said, “i'm sorry, warren. the sex just isn't bloggable anymore. it hasn't been for a while.”

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan
  • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

    lol…

  • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

    seems fun

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i'm ~$800 in debt via HSBC $1000 credit-line thing, right now, if you want to buy a 6-month CD, around $5000, from me at rates 4x better than the leading bank, email binky.tabby [at] gmail.com

    i've done this before with ken baumann and paid him back already

  • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

    translation: the descriptions make me think you guys had fun and that it was sweet and i am glad

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

    glad you are glad

  • http://theopenend.com/ herocious

    甘い

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Oh wow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Oh damn.

  • 2ci

    dear tao lin

    ditch mdma films and just make a sextape with the wife. sell for 30 dollars.

    seriously.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    seems unseemly and not lucrative

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

    warren

  • http://jimmychenchen.com/ Jimmy Chen

    i accidently read 'lubricative'; would've been sweet

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    lubricative…interesting

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    nice

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    nice one

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    nice one

    is that a 'ry' reference

    re 'lemon sex'

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    hi brian

    sweet…

  • http://twitter.com/gramsci72 Ann R. Cosindacalist

    “I am 90% sure I did not orgasm.”

    Roll over, Rumi, and tell Sappho the news!

  • http://sixmetamorphoses.blogspot.com/ Jordan

    There's not much that makes me uncomfortable, but this article did it. I made it about halfway through before calling it quits. I'm 90% sure that is a good thing.

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    I don't agree with the original comment. Would be interested in reading something that tries to define/explain the rationale behind, and or development of the 'MUUMUUHOUSE lit. aesthetic'. I guess written by you or Jordan Castro or Megan Boyle or BSG or someone else who seems to have a clear understanding of the form.

    Would get mad hits I reckon.

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    sweet

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    i am writing that, i think

    i started writing that a period of time ago then stopped

    i plan on writing it though…

    i plan on trying to write that fucking shit…

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i think i have written something like that somewhere before

    i feel that almost everyone has more than one style

    i wrote the title of an article called 'i have more than one writing style'

  • http://www.srslyhip.blogspot.com joey

    i like sex and drugs. i want a meaningful partner who likes to take drugs and likes my writing……..and relevant mp3s. And is cool with chilling in my parents bonus room.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    Seems like I would have “freaked out” after having read her article and that her eyes were closed.

    Also why always missionary? maybe I shouldn't ask that, but that was my first thought after finishing the article.

  • JoeyMartin

    I want to see a picture where you both are holding hands but someone has photoshopped your heads and switched them with Ron Jeremy's head and John Holmes' head. Doesn't matter who gets which head, I just think it would be funny.

  • wrongtable

    No one cares about you like the Comments do. Still, I wish you would have depicted yourself with a monsterck, or a different influence than valium

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Cool. Eager for that bitch.

  • wrongtable

    Hi Tao. It would be nice if you could delete my last comment, as I wrote it at 3a.m. after coming home drunk and stoned. With respect, wt

  • richardchiem

    sweet.

    more ways than one.

    this read tender.

    i am happy for you + you two.

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    there have been other positions…

    eyes were closed via nervousness, i think

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    :) sweet richard

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lubricative…

    agree re unseemly/non-lucrative

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    sweet stephen

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    i would like to write that too

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    'zing'

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i don't have comment deleting capabilities

    i think you're able to edit it maybe

    sweet

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    i didn't think it was your parents, i thought it was you or mallory 'catching us' to be funny

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    In some situation where I was to have sex with Tao Lin I feel like I would be nervous too, so that makes sense.

    Other positions are good. Seems awkward to have asked that. Sweet?

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i feel interested in an elaboration on you feeling uncomfortable

  • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

    i like jordan's house

  • http://www.twitter.com/kkasie19 kasie

    maybe.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bee-Goode/100001676566533 Bee Goode

    pls let us know wen u “What What (In the Butt)”
    [via anal sex wit meg boyle]
    or [via anal sex wit tao lin wit meg boyle using a 'strap-on']

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…

  • skybeard

    what 'cool shit' did you do in baton rouge (other than the sex story)

  • http://vickyalways.blogspot.com vicky

    lol that was something i was wondering about too, as in, i would be self-conscious after reading that essay

  • Brownbear

    i've wanted to have sex with Tao ever since i saw this image of him

    http://i53.tinypic.com/rwjgap….

  • Natalie

    read this article before, now sitting at a bookstore reading SFAA, typing this comment
    wondered if Megan Boyle was any part of SFAA, googled my way back to this article. but SFAA was published in 2009 and seems, first ‘contact’ with megan was in 2010..

    am really happy for you guys
    Keep banging

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