Dear Gay Dude: I Have A Crush On A Teenager!

Dear Gay Dude,
So I met up with this guy he was very cute, and very fun to talk to. My 23 year old gay heart was singing because where I come from (read: the midwest), the cute ones are always straight or at least are going to tell you they are. We really hit it off, and he came over to my place for a movie night, no sexy-fun-times or anything just a nice movie. During the course of getting to know each other that night, I found out that he is 17 and still in high school. The age difference doesn’t bother me, but the high school thing does a little. I want someone who I can bring home and show off a little without being called a pedo. How can I tell this guy that I really like him, and I have feelings for him, but 2 years from now would be better? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Am I overreacting?

-Feeling Like an Old Man

Dear Old Man,

You’re not overreacting. On the contrary, you’re not reacting enough! As someone who is only a year older than you, I can’t imagine getting it on with someone who is underage and still in high school. Forget the judgement I would get from my friends (although I’m sure they would be horrified), I couldn’t live with myself.

Sorry to be so harsh. I’m usually a loving and understanding Gay Dude but questionable age gaps are not only usually illegal, they also totally make you look bad. I remember when I was a senior in high school, I went on a date (AKA I got stoned and went to California Pizza Kitchen) with this 23-year-old Starbucks barista. At the time I thought, “OMG. I’m dating an older man. It must be because I’m so mature!” It took me a few years to realize that he didn’t date me because I was mature. It was because he was immature. When I was 17, I didn’t have shit to say to a 23-year-old. I was too busy crying over my bad skin, drinking terrible vodka, and complaining about my parents. If I hung out with my 17-year-old self today, I would be like, “Who is this bugaboo?”

Look, I’m not saying you’re an immature pedophile! You’re probably really cool and this 17-year-old is probably super hot and funny and nice. (I get it. Teenagers are hot. I once had a crush on a 15-year-old freshman when I was a senior!) Just remember that as you get older, age gaps will become less of a big deal. When you’re 30 and he’s 24, it will be NBD if you guys date. I mean, I would probably date a 30-year-old. Hell yeah. Why not? 30 year olds are hot. But yeah, steer clear of this kid for a few years. He has a lot of growing up to do. If you like him now, you’ll probably love him at 21! Just think of it that way.

Tell this boy that you totally have a “like” boner for him but that this boner is technically illegal and therefore should not be acted on. He might be like “But I really like you!” with the kind of earnestness that only a 17-year-old can muster but you must stay strong! He’ll eventually get it. And then you can go on OkCupid or to a gay bar and search for older gay dudes. I don’t doubt that it’s hard to find a boy in the Midwest but that’s what the internet is for, right?

Love,

Gay Dude

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