Concerns Concerning Dancing Bear

Apr. 25, 2011

By Jimmy Chen info

Jimmy Chen writes essays, criticism, and satire. He also contributes at HTMLGIANT, among other places, and ...

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Dancing Bear is an exotic dancing franchise for bachelorette parties, birthdays, and other exclusive “girl’s night out” events, during which the aforementioned mascot strips naked and erotically dances; though it doesn’t end there, and I’m not talking about a mere lap dance, playful dick-tap to the forehead, or earnest “reach around.” These parties incur the indiscretions of full on fellatio and, sometimes, its terminate gesture the facial. Some of the more coy women have their friend next to them hold up a towel to block the view from others, a sort of prelude to the towel’s ultimate capacity. The bear, of course, is well endowed, STD free (one hopes and presumes), and of quality physical stature.

This is all fun, but I wonder about the fiance, perhaps at his own bachelor party, and the parameters of his transgression. If one is to apply a sense of equality, if a woman found out that her fiancé came on the face of an exotic dancer or escort, she would be very distraught, for a facial, while not exactly romantic, is a pretty “intimate” act of sex. A man is lucky to grab some tits, in the brief moments the bodyguard isn’t looking. The bachelor party is laden with so many rules, imposed both at home and by the erotic dancing agency. You can’t touch them, lest you be touched by a woman’s smack or bodyguard’s fist. But suck cock all you want. The women have become crazier than the men.

Another concern I have is the vicinity of food to flying cum. The majority of these Dancing Bear parties are catered banquet-style, with entrees and drinks dotting each round table like the mark of hours barely noticed and never regained. The facials take place sometimes on stage, but usually the ejaculate instigator/recipient is seated at her table. These performers, in their late-20s to early-30s, their vas deferens’ taut like a stallion’s, are both capable and likely to expel semen at a force similar to the result of stepping on a packet of mustard; this is my way of evoking the trail of flying spunk. And should this wad land 3-4 ft. across the table on a diligently cooked salmon, then, well, I really don’t know what to say here, besides I hope the dill balances it out.

The erect fulcrum of these nights is not wiped down in between patrons, resulting in an aggregate of saliva and pre-cum manifest as a pasty and somewhat foamy substance, noticed if you care (as I do) enough to notice. The women, besides drunk-blowing-stranger-dick, seem innocently “vanilla” in the sense that they don’t know how to deep throat. I’ve seen a handful of clips, expectedly waiting for an artisan muse to come along and blow the competition out of the water, but the blowjobs are all rather amateur (distracted giggles, erratic non-rhythmic head bobbing, over use of hands) which all point to the sad truth here: these women are not porn actors. They are real people with real men waiting at home for them. Engagements and hearts are being broken.

There is no double standard. If men engaged in the act of which their female counterparts have then the recipient, they would be in deep shit, and I’m not talking about anal. I’m semi-inclined, yet weary, to talk about feminism and the sexual empowerment of women, because that would be like bringing Derrida to the zoo. You can’t talk your way out of the animal kingdom. The odd thing is the resultant porn is meant for men, so whose fantasy is this? Is cheating just a sexual act, or does it require some emotional betrayal, some cognizance of cruelty imparted by the cheater? And how and when do these things intersect? I don’t know or want to know the answer. A million years of evolution and we’re still lapping at one another between the legs, our partners dripping with the bliss we duly administered, calling out to God in the church of squirt.

Call me old fashioned. If I ever get engaged again, I don’t want my fiancé taking a hot wad of spunk all over her face. Seems natural to me. TC mark

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  • YO

    i'm honored to take this first

    • YO

      “These performers, in their late-20s to early-30s, their vas deferens’ taut like a stallion’s, are both capable and likely to expel semen at a force similar to the result of stepping on a packet of mustard; this is my way of evoking the trail of flying spunk. “

      lyric realism!

      • YO

        what would taking malcolm gladwell to the zoo be like? feel like that is more 2k11.

    • http://dylanmahoney.wordpress.com dylanmahoney

      I can’t believe you all think this web site is real. It’s fake. And a while blog on the concept. Hilarious..

  • Suzannaq_511

    Wow. Thanks for these thoughts… I am both disgusted and thoughtfully intrigued by the concepts up for question.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    Are these real bachlorette parties, or staged-porn? I've seen porn-party things with sex on youporn, and I always assumed they were staged. I guess I'm sloppy-thirds on the comment section. I'm concerned about the food also.

    • http://jimmychenchen.com/ Jimmy Chen

      my porn amateur intuition is pretty tight, and i think it's 'real,'' [not 'hand cam' amateur, but 'non-paid' amateur] though there is definitely a performative aspect on the part of these women — but i've been accused of thinking reality tv was real, so maybe i'm too gullible, or they're too gulpable.

      • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

        'gulpable' nice

    • http://twitter.com/brownnnbear Jocelyn

      i'd like to think they're staged when the ads pop up on pornhub but i wouldn't be surprised if they were real.

      in any case, the rules should be the same across the board when it comes to bachelor/bachelorette parties: strippers may be ok but no sexual boundaries [aside from touching] may be crossed. & to be totally honest, male strippers are never as sexy as female strippers. i don't see why a woman wouldn't want some random juicehead gorilla dude's junk in their face before they get married. ew.

      • Anonymous

        HELLO JOCELYN::
            I LIKE TO THINK THAT TOO, BUT YOU BEING A WOMAN , YOU KNOW BEING PUSH BY OTHER WOMAN CAN GET YOU TO SOME CRAZY THINGS. (NOT JUST SEX)

      • Joshua Brown

        My thoughts .exactly.

  • http://garlandgrey.com/ Garland Grey

    Pffft. The idea that you can judge a person's talent for sucking dick based on how they suck dick around their friends is a little silly. When you're surrounded by your friends, you're much more likely to give a highly stylized blowjob that seems erotic and sensual, rather than just flipping off the old gag reflex and massaging the prostate, like you'd do at home.

    • http://jimmychenchen.com/ Jimmy Chen

      i don't follow your logic. in my article i mentioned how the women's modest bj skills implicated the verity of such; that they were 'real' ppl. with real lives/loves. also, is your second-person autobio or just a mode of talking. good day sir!

      • http://garlandgrey.com/ Garland Grey

        Purely autobiographical. It just seems you're making assumptions about these ppl's talent level qua bjs without taking into account that even if there are “artisan muses” among their ranks, they might be disguising that fact by trying to feign enthusiasm without acumen – trying to give a “sexy” blowjob without doing it so well as to stand out. I'll agree that this points to their being real people, but doesn't disqualify them from having hidden talents.

        Put another way, I can't imagine trying to give a “great” or even a “good” blowjob in public because the space between the physical actions required to make that happen – inserting a tube of flesh into your gag matrix and using its life saving machinations to polish knob – and the general public's idea of what a good blowjob should look like – lick tube of flesh, moan, wait for something sexy to happen – are so different. It is more important that it conforms to some idea of what sexy looks like and less important that is be pleasurable for the person with the penis.

      • http://jimmychenchen.com/ Jimmy Chen

        ok you win, i'm sorry. btw u need two dashes or an em dash, not just a choadlike dash

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        This is great.

      • Joshua Brown

        Absolutely true!  To put it another way: the public fellating serves a dissimilar function to private fellating, in that you don’t want Mr. Hardbody “jumping the gun,” as it were.

        P.S., 

      • http://dylanmahoney.wordpress.com dylanmahoney

        Jimmy. You actually believe this is a real web site? It’s fake. It’s amateur porn. You honestly can’t tell?

    • Joshua Brown

      Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice…

  • Guest

    They are not real. http://nymag.com/news/features…

    “Pretty much all the porn labeled 'gonzo' and 'reality' these days is a put-on, Timlake insists. In the Dancing Bear series, a male stripper wearing an enormous bear head performs for a bachelorette party until several fairly respectable-looking women suddenly lose control and start fellating him. 'That stuff looks pretty real,' he says. 'It takes a minute, but where are there roomfuls of women willing to have sex with a guy?' Watch a few of them, and you’ll notice the same women reappearing.”

    • destroyer

      Yeah, I am sure men never go to the same strip club twice. Any video of female strippers where males appear regularly are probably fake.

  • DaKind

    Dancing Bear is not real, and whoever wrote this is truly a gullible idiot.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      You are 'gullible' for believing this article

  • SL

    I can't believe you thought Dancing Bear was real. You're an idiot; I'm sorry, and Thought Catalog should not have published this.

    • http://garlandgrey.com/ Garland Grey

      You're a dick.

    • Ganjaman1010

      i assure you, sl, it is definitely real. i was a dancing bear at a few bachelorette parties while i was finishing up my mfa.

      i have a had a few artisan muses who produced the desired exploding mustard-packet effect.

  • http://deejberndt.blogspot.com DJ Berndt

    whatever your opinion on the truth behind these dancing bears may be, let's just all get along and join the Church of Squirt.

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

  • Zorro7600

    I would add that in my modest opinion I doubt that you will find a roomfull of ‘real’ women on a hen night (bachelorette party at your side of the pond) that willing to fellatio a stranger to ejaculation in public with all their friends and relative equally eager and with a camera equally close to random penis.. 

    • Zorro7600

      One more thing, how cum (nice one eh?) there doesn’t seem to be any place where you can book this troupe for your party/event? all you get is porn video sites with footage of these parties..

      What is definitely real is that indeed there is room full of women sucking a guy’s knob – can’t be too bad being him for 10 minutes.. saying that few of them can get a proper erection – must be their shyness

  • Anonymous

    HELLO EVERYONE:
        WELL THIS ISRIGHT FROM THE HORSE (DANCING BEAR MOUTH) THE ONE IN THE MASK!!

                     EVERYONE IS RIGHT ON, IT IS A PORN VIDEO BUT IT IS SHOT ON LOCATION WITH REAL WOMEN. BUT NOT ALL THE WOMEN ARE FROM THE PARTY IT IS A MIX, SAY IT IS ABOUT 35 WOMEN IN THE PARTY AND 4 VERY LUCKY GUYS THEY WILL BE ABOUT 5 TO 7 WOMEN (PORN ACTRESS) BLEND IN TO THE PARTY WITH THE GIRLS. NOW MIND YOU THAT BEFORE THE SHOW ALL GIRLS ARE ASK IF THEY LIKE TO TOUCH ,SUCK OR EVEN GET CUM ON. ALL THE GIRLS WHOM SUCKING THESE GUYS DICK HAVE SOME KIND OF BRACELET.

         NOW THE GOOD POINTS, ALL THE GIRL WHO DO SUCK THIS GUYS OFF ARE MORE OFTEN REAL WOMEN THEN THE ACTRESS, (THAT WAS SURPRISE TO HEAR)!!!! HOW CAN YOU TELL ?? IT IS REAL EASY THE DANCER ALL FOLLOW A PLAN ROUTE TO THE PORN ACTRESS BUT SOME NEVER MAKE IT TO THEM, THE ONES WHOM ARE SET TO GET CUM ON WOULD GET LOW RIGHT AWAY WHERE IT MAKES GREAT VIDEO, NORMAL WOMEN( REAL PARTY WOMEN) WOULD SUCKING REAL HARD AND TRY TO JACK THIS GUYS OFF (USING THE HANDS MORE), YOU WILL HEAR A CUE FROM THE DANCER TO SEE IF IT IS OK, THE CAMERA WILL GO TO THE OTHER  DANCER WHILE THEY GET A WRITTEN CONSENT AND THEN BACK TO THE SHOW AND THE GIRL GETS CUM IN HER FACE.
                             SO TO ALL IT IS FAKE WITH REAL WOMEN. NOT A REAL BACHELOR PARTY BUT IT IS A PLAN PARTY BY THE WOMEN AND MADE INTO A MOVIE BY THE DANCERS!!!

    • Heisenberg

      The bracelet theory is wrong; I have examined the videos myself, and Ive see several women ( that did give oral sex to the preformed) not wear any type of bracelet or earring; wrong, my friend.

  • Aditi692

    http://woodstockhealthclubblog.com/dancing-bear-male-dancers-did-you-know-they-are-not-real.php This will explain you guys why it is not real from a legal POV.

  • Aditi692

    I just saw a vid and there’s no way that its real. There were 2 girls and a stripper having full on sex i.e threesome in front of bunch of women who were cheering them on.And boy those chicks were performing like porn stars.It was so obvious.Anyone who thinks that its real is really gullible in my opinion.

  • destroyer

    Monogamy is aberrant behavior in humans, ask any divorce attorney. If you are smart you will channel your wife’s interest into lesbianism if you don’t want her taking strange dick. Many women now use the promise of a 3 way to get men to go out with them, though they often stall delivery.

  • Body Master

    I am a former male dance from NYC area  we were doing shows like this in the 90s no cameras and you will be surprised at how many women are willing to suck and fuck you in front of there friends. “Bear” in mind there were no cameras so the freaks came out. I did a party ontime with over 100 women and  15 male dancers I fucked so many women that night, 2 were brides to be that weekend. I learned from the strip game that women are just as bad as we are and in many cases worse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-McLoving/100002079033318 James McLoving

    Women expect us normal men to only have one partner, which means they are treating these strippers better than they treat us. Real or fake or a mixture, this stuff does go on. I believe the NYC dancer at the top of these comments – interesting how he only said 2 of them were brides to be.. the others not, so it’s not just ‘one last fling’ at all. Most of the real stuff would still be off-camera, in private parties. Most men would jump at an orgy, so it’d be better if the girls did that (orgy with their men).. but this way is non-committal and easier.

  • jack moore

    does this mean it’s possible King Kong was a true story? Come on guys.

  • Heisenberg

    After reading the testimonies of several male strippers and observing dozens of the videos for myself, I have come to the conclusion that these videos are real- or if they are staged, this type of debacheury does occur with male strippers. A common theory by skeptics is that the male stripper knows who to “play with” due to some article of clothing- usually an armband; however, after closely examining many videos, I don’t believe this is the case; although many of the more promiscous women wear armbands or earrings, many of the women don’t, which discredits this theory. Many male strippers have also said that this type of behavior is relatively common, and that they are treated as tools for female fantasy by the audience.

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