“Batman” Is Arrested in Michigan

A 31 year-old man dressed as Batman was arrested in Michigan on Wednesday. Police found him dangling helplessly from the side of an office building, which is great, because it gives us a chance to make fun of him. Insert “Holy ______, Batman!” joke here. Oh, wait, the local writer in Petoskey, Michigan already did that for us:

Holy trespassing, Batman!

A 31-year-old man dressed as the comic book character was arrested Wednesday in Petoskey after he was seen hanging from the wall of a downtown business on East Mitchell Street.

In a release, the Petoskey Department of Public Safety said officers pulled the man back onto the roof and found a baton type striking weapon, a can of chemical irritant spray, and a pair of lead lined gloves.

The suspect, a Harbor Springs resident, was arrested for trespassing and possession of dangerous weapons.

He is being kept in the Emmet County Jail.

…Gosh, well, we have a couple of thoughts about this. First of all, Batman should never be arrested for trespassing — that’s like arresting Al Capone for tax-evasion or some shit. Batman should only ever be arrested by the police because they must chase him; because he’s the hero that we deserve, but not the one we need right now, blah blah blah, yadda yadda, cut to Christian Bale glowering menacingly.

And also, really? “Holy trespassing, Batman”? …How about “The accused no doubt experienced a long ‘Dark Knight’ of the soul while being held in jail,” or something like that? Let’s update these references, people!

Based on the photo that the police released, we would suggest that the man made several errors here. Well, actually, he only made one error — not creating a more ‘breathable’ costume that would reduce the whole armpit flop-sweat issue. Everything else that he did was totally awesome. And hey, at least he wasn’t wearing hockey pads. …See, that’s another “Batman” reference. You are welcome. 

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