An Open Letter To Dreamy But Distant Boy

Aug. 2, 2011

By Scaachi Koul info

Scaachi is a writer and journalist based in Toronto. Her interests include politics, relationships, overeating, ...

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Dear Dreamy But Distant Boy,

Hi! How are you? I hope you’re well. Thanks so much for saying yes when I asked if you wanted to have a coffee with me. I’m so excited but I’m trying to act like I’m really aloof. Because, see, you’re a guy in your early 20s so planning an event more than a day in advance is so not your style. That I even got you out of the house is sort of a big deal to me.

I’ve been watching you from afar for a while now. You live in my neighborhood so I see you at the same coffee shops, bars, alternative bookstores and jam spaces. I really like the way your hair just…does that.

You’re not making any eye contact with me while on this date. That’s totally cool. I’ll still go out with you another two or three times and then put out because, as I’ll tell my roommates later, you have “the kindest eyes, I mean, guys, I just trust him.” If you’re smart, you will totally take advantage of this (and you will).

Just being in your presence is literally making me sweat in places I didn’t even know have sweat glands.

After we sleep together, I’m going to get emotionally invested way too fast and all my friends are going to hear about how I get the impression you’re just not into me anymore. I’m going to text you everyday—even though I promised myself I wouldn’t—and when you reply two or three hours later, I’ll make myself wait a half hour before replying.

You know, so I don’t appear too eager.

It’s pretty clear that this is casual dating to you, but to me, I have grand plans for the two of us. I’m going to break you from your overtly calm exterior. You are going to hold me all night as I drift to sleep in your arms. You may only have two or three feelings, but I have millions, and I am going to talk about them forever.

Only I am powerful enough to make you love me.

Anyway, you’re 24 now, so your impending mid-20s adult-male mental-breakdown is coming any minute. You’re going to prattle on about how you have to take a trip somewhere and how you don’t “know” yourself anymore and how “this isn’t the life [you] wanted.” And then I will cry and bellow, “AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, STEVE???” or whatever your name is because I am a foolish young girl and I don’t yet understand that dating crazy will render you crazy, and you will give me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and tell me how much I changed you for the better but it’s time for you to blossom into a butterfly or some other poorly constructed metaphor.

I’m really looking forward to the next two months of going out with you, Dreamy But Distant Boy, followed by six months of having my self-esteem annihilated by the fact that you never texted me back.

See you around. I am already in tears.

From,
Almost Every Girl Ever TC mark

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image – rommy ghaly

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  • mcaligirl

    haha, this is awesome. Kinda sad that I totally relate to this because it totally pinpoints how much of daydreamers girls can be. 

    • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

      unfortunately.

  • Cdiana

    Story of my first semester of college. Eh the bright-side is you get over it at some point.

  • Sippycup

    The mid 20s breakdown is truly embarrassing for everyone involved. 

  • LL

    This is pretty much the story of my first marriage. mid-20s adult-male mental-breakdown is definitely a real thing.

    • http://rickt.org rickt

      because getting married in your early-to-mid 20′s is SUCH a great idea. 

  • Anonymous

    come on this is pathetic.  this is not almost every girl ever. some of us have backbones!

    • Guest

      This really is fucking pathetic.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

        right?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

        i’m confused by the nested pathetic statements

  • Guest

    I believe every girl can relate to this.
    What is wrong with us? Really. 
    Nice read. Thanks!

    • Guest

      I can’t.  

  • Tammy

    Feeling this way is one thing. Admitting it is another. Gahhh damn. Where’s the alcohol?

    • A.

      Definitely needing a chick flick and a bottle of champagne after this. Who’s in?

  • http://twitter.com/steviekew Stevie Kew

    Oh dear – this is my life. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i’ll play hard to get and not respond promptly to your texts because i’m not that interested and am uncannily aware of my own mediocre level of self-esteem.  the cuter, smarter, and more persistent you are, the more i will ignore you.  then when i actually become seriously interested, you’ll be jaded enough and probably will have already sorta moved on, so i’ll be the one that gets hurt in the long run.

    you’ll find some other guy that i will sort of stalk on facebook, haphazardly wondering if all of the times he likes your statuses and posts on your wall actually mean something significant.  after torturing myself for a period of 2-3 months, i’ll get a little too drunk at a party and hook up with an equally cute, equally smart girl, and subsequently will be over you, probably for good.

    we’ll still go to the same coffee shops, and in like another year we’ll probably be pretty decent acquaintances, both still maybe carrying residual feelings for each other, but being entirely unsure about the other person and thus significantly afraid of acting on these subtle feelings.

    eventually you or i will move away to a big city, and we’ll never see each other again, but still remain facebook friends because we gotta keep it real, nahmean

    • Scaachi

      Looking forward to it.

    • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

       story of my life.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

        this can only be like, 1/20th of your life story.

        cheer up dude!

  • Guest

    lol chicks amirite 

  • Marianela D’Aprile

    i thoroughly enjoyed this! 

  • xra

    well, obv the takeaway here is that if you really like a girl you better act like you don’t like her

  • Asdf

    Sorry. I zoned out half way through.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

    I really like/understand/relate-to this

  • Thank You

    Personally, I like that you’re completely trivializing girls’ experiences, and pigeonholing us like none of us are any different. Not.

  • Thank You

    Personally, I like that you’re completely trivializing girls’ experiences, and pigeonholing us like none of us are any different. Not.

  • GU

    With girls like this, who needs chauvinists?

  • Customconcern

    jam spaces

  • Hinda

    wow, i found this to be hilarious. am i the only one here who didn’t take this seriously at all..?

  • oddnewyorkgirl

    soooooo true, always thinking that you will be the one that changes him.makes a difference. its a lie

  • Rewrwer

    This was my life last year, and this line -  ”I’m goiing to text you everyday—even though I promised myself I wouldn’t—and when you reply two or three hours later, I’ll make myself wait a half hour before replying.” – soooo true.

  • BaDoop

    This was so Angela Chase.

  • amarie

    Oh hey! My dude is going through his mid-late 20s mental breakdown thing. 8 months completely happy and the next morning he needs to figure out his life blablabla. whatever man.

  • JoshRom

    Hey babe, I would have texted you back…only problem is I don’t own a phone…

  • http://twitter.com/jewelstwts ashlee jewel

    haven’t got past the first paragraph of this letter yet.  just wanted to say “Thanks” for reminding me why it’s so difficult for me to plan things in advance (i’m in my early twenties). such a relief

    -aj

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