An Awkward Letter To My Best Friend(?)

Oct. 12, 2011

By Gaby Dunn info

Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City.

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Dear You,

I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve never found a way that didn’t make me sound really socially inept. Writing it to you in a public letter on a blog you read ranked only slightly above hiring a man with a megaphone to shout it at you as soon as you left your apartment in the morning. (I even considered buying one of those blimps with scrolling light-up text, but I don’t really have a lot of spare cash these days.)

What I mean to say is: I’m jealous of people who have one consistent best friend. I’ve never had that.

My best friends have always changed over time. There was Madison in second grade. I helped her plaster her bedroom walls in ‘Teen Beat’ Jonathan Taylor Thomas posters. She and I lost touch when I changed schools. Then, there was Matthew in fourth grade. We got into trouble with his mom for constantly trying to skateboard into his swimming pool after seeing ‘Jackass’ in theaters. We stopped being best friends when the hormones kicked in. There was Jessica in junior high. We’d climb out her bedroom window when her parents were asleep just to walk around her neighborhood. It felt freeing and dangerous and silly and bad. I still don’t know what happened with us.

There was Alex for a while, and Matt and Melissa and Caitlin and Cara and Joe. It’s a revolving door not unlike the companions in The Doctor’s TARDIS. No one ever stays.

When you make a new best friend in your 20s, you can’t just head over to Claire’s at the mall together and purchase a broken heart “Best Friends” necklace. You can’t just each wear one side and call it a day. In fact, the phrase itself sounds childish. “Best friend” above all other friends? What does that even mean when you’re an adult?

But, as embarrassing as it is, the point of this letter is for me to say, truthfully, “You’re my best friend!!”

Congratulations?

I knew I felt this way about you because you’re the person I’ll call first if I’m bored and just want to talk or if something good happens or if something really bad happens. You’re the person I immediately think will be the most fun to hang out with. You’re someone I feel like I could say anything to and would never be judged, someone without motivations or desire to backstab, someone cool and nice and smart and great. You’re someone I trust and someone I learn from and someone I enjoy. We haven’t known each other that long, but we’ve been through enough for me to know you’re a solid gold A+ human.

If this were kindergarten, I’d be sharing my blocks with you, buddy. I’m really excited about you because you seem so great! This is true friendship. Don’t you feel so alive?!

But I have concerns. Namely, I wondered: Should you tell someone that they’re your best friend? Is that weird? It feels strange to out of nowhere say, “Hey, you’re my best friend.” Where do you slip that into casual conversation?

It’s too vulnerable and genuine a proclamation for a generation that “likes” more than it actually loves.

Often people talk about when it’s appropriate to ask someone you’re hooking up with to define your relationship. It’s an awkward, but not completely unexpected conversation. Though what happens when the relationship is even less defined than that?

So uh, I guess what I’m asking is: Am I also your best friend?

Not that it matters. It doesn’t. This isn’t like a hook up where one side feeling more than the other can ruin things forever. We can be cool if you’ve got some other, older best friend or if you just aren’t ready for that sort of friend-mittment. We can see other friends. No big deal.

I just don’t want to lose you.

I don’t want you to become another name on the best friendship checklist.

I want to be the best friend that you call when you’ve met the right person for you in like, five years. I want you to be the best friend who plays with my future kids or cats or whatever I have. I want us to be the best friends that still talk when neither of us have teeth.

I’m getting ahead of myself and probably being really creepy. I do that sometimes. You know that already because we’re best(??) friends.

So do you maybe wanna grab a slice of pizza and see Drive this weekend?

Best friends forever?

Me TC mark

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image – Lorraine Bruce

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  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • http://twitter.com/jbacques Jessica Bacques

    i love this. i just sent it to my best(??) friend. hope she doesn’t think i’m too creepy.

  • Greg Zaragoza

    I know exactly who I’d send this too.  And I like the use of “friend-mittment.”

  • galwaygirl

    this is brilliant, considering sending it to my roommate right now. 

  • Greg Zaragoza

    *facepalm* I can not believe I got “too” and “to” confused.  It’s early.

  • Ella

    Wow I relate to this. 

  • Anonymous

    Send it! I want to know how the best friends (?) respond!

  • Anonymous

    Send it! I want to know how the best friends (?) respond!

  • yellow itsy bitsy

    I wrote about my sincere (platonic) love for my friend on my personal blog and my best (??) friend found it while using my computer. It was awkward for me, but she said she was really touched by it. So good for you!!  Hope the friend-mittment lasts.

  • yellow itsy bitsy

    I wrote about my sincere (platonic) love for my friend on my personal blog and my best (??) friend found it while using my computer. It was awkward for me, but she said she was really touched by it. So good for you!!  Hope the friend-mittment lasts.

  • Sophia

    oh my goodness i can relate to this so so so so so hard. one of my new favorite articles.

  • LA

    everything in the post is so relatable. going to show it to my best friend first thing tomorrow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    I loved this.  I never thought I’d find my best friend in graduate school, nor did I expect that I’d be writing to him daily for 9 months while he’s in Afghanistan…it’s a good feeling…more fulfilling than any relationship I’ve been in, sadly. 

  • gkm

    Wow story of my life. This is great.

  • Robert L.

    This is amazing. I love it. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 11, though, but I’ve had many other close friends drift away so I know the feeling.

  • Robert L.

    This is amazing. I love it. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 11, though, but I’ve had many other close friends drift away so I know the feeling.

  • Anonymous

    That’s the cutest thing I’ve heard in a while. Thank you for sharing it!

  • http://twitter.com/YocastaArias Yocasta Arias

    This over any other piece I’ve read on here

  • http://twitter.com/YocastaArias Yocasta Arias

    This over any other piece I’ve read on here

  • Megan

    awesome

  • Guest

    mine loved it. she told me i was hers too.

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • Jennifer

    I think this is great. I miss my best friend, it’s so hard to find and make new ones once you’re in your 20s.

  • Anonymous

    Mission accomplished!

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/picturedwords Agesi Pillay

    Its really sweet. I have had someone to call best friend since I was 12 and now I remember how grateful I should be.

  • Bridget

    This is absolutely adorable and something I think everyone can relate to whether they admit it or not!

  • Anonymous

    Be very grateful!

  • Anonymous

    Be very grateful!

  • Anonymous

    This is so dumb but I honestly thought I was one of the only people who had this problem with best friends.This is perfect and wonderful and I loved it and obviously/awkwardly shared it with my best friends. Thank you for always writing great stuff!!

  • alyssa

    dude i have always moved and my longest best friendship was literally probably only 4 years. and what now? i’ve transferred to a completely crappy college with a 96% acceptance rate to pursue a nursing degree. outside of the small program are crappy people who barely could pass high school! i’ve ruined my chance to make college friends. now  my boyfriend is my best friend. that’s all fine and dandy except I want a best friend outside of my relationship! or, hey, even just a friend that i genuinely like.

    anyway i’m glad you have met “the one” of friendship for now. right on sistah! 

  • Nicole

    I sent this to my best friend, who I’m so thrilled and lucky to have as a best friend. I remember this “Should I call her my best friend?” phase all too well :)

  • Nina

    I absolutely love this, I just wish I had someone to send it to/share it with.  I moved across the country (east to west coast) a few months ago and still finding it hard to make friends, let alone someone who gives you that best friend feeling.

  • Nina

    I absolutely love this, I just wish I had someone to send it to/share it with.  I moved across the country (east to west coast) a few months ago and still finding it hard to make friends, let alone someone who gives you that best friend feeling.

  • Cassie

    This is so amazing and I can relate right now. My best(?) friend and I have recently started drifting apart, and it saddens both of us because neither of us know how it happened. I’ve been pretty upset by the distance lately and I am considering sending this to her. I loved this stage of a new friendship – not knowing if the other considers you as much of a best friend as you do. But with me and my bestfriend it was pretty mutual all along. We are like the same person, at least we were….. :-/
    This has inspired me to make changes to get our friend-mittment back on track. I can’t take what I have for granted. I want to still talk about our jokes when we’re 80 and have no teeth left…
    Thank you so much for posting this. x

  • Josh Gondelman

    I liked when you catalogued this thought. It was charming of you to say “Congratulations?” like a question!

  • Asdfghjk

    well, what did he/she say?

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous

    I don’t think he saw it! Meep!

  • http://twitter.com/vickstahs Vicky Nguyen

    I think the problem when you get older is that defining things makes you feel too vulnerable–something you’ve pointed out. At the same time, not too many people I know feel that same urge to define every relationship they have, aside from their sexual ones. I guess there’s still some conventional “I don’t want to appear too much like a hussy” connotations associated with someone seeing you naked, hence your need to put a label on those relationships. 

    With everyone else, you’re either friends or you’re not. This was such a sweet article though; hits really close to home.

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    This is me and my best friend, she sent it to me (we both are obsessed with TC)…and it could not be any truer. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=24205393 Brianne Richard

    Aw, you’ll get there! Just put yourself out there and do things out of your comfort zone.  This time a year and a half ago I was sooooo lonely and sad after moving from east coast to west coast, but right now I can barely keep up with my social life. Good luck!

  • MeOW

    i’ve had the same problem throughout my life, keeping a best friend i mean. now i wish that i only had someone to share this with because the feelings are so exact. but i don’t, so i suppose i’ll keep it to myself.

  • ROOAR

    hey you,

    do you want to be my friend? We can so totally work on the “best” part later.

    me

  • Anonymous

    Cute!

  • Anonymous

    Cute!

  • zoe

    loved this! I have been lucky enough to have the same best friend since we were both just little children, our parents knew each other, then we went to kindy together and now we are 17 and still the best of friends! I feel so lucky to have her, she is actually the coolest person I know!!!!

  • Paul

    spot on! as for me, i decided to be creepy early on by telling my best friend i love him. now we say it to each other every day. get over the hardest part to share and it should be easy to share everything else. spread the love!

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