All The Blogger Domains I’ve Ever Had
moderatelyfunny.blogspot.com: This was an early acquisition, and I’d say it pretty much sums up the entire enterprise.
whatthejesus.blogspot.com: I was about two hours into the project of re-captioning illustrations from Jehovah’s Witness Bible literature when I realized that I needed a public outlet for my appropriations.
asymmetricalanimals.blogspot.com: I’m interested in building this one, so let me know if you think of any, alright?
whenterroristsattack.blogspot.com: I had just seen the first Iron Man movie with Robert Downey, Jr., and it occurred to me that it was an anti-terrorist hero fantasy. Did you imagine what you’d do if you were on United Airlines Flight 93, way before the movie came out, pretty much right after you heard what happened? Yeah, me too. This was supposed to be a blog containing all of those fantasies that I have where I kick some ass and right some wrongs. I assume this is my ego compensating for my feelings of helplessness and my refusal to accept what a tiny part of the universe I am. Closely related to justicefantasy.blogspot.com.
whoppervirgin.blogspot.com: This is a list of historical whopper virgins, with pictures.
shoescausecancer.blogspost.com: I think I was trying to disingenuously take on the position of someone who thinks that walking in shoes messes with your chi, or something, and causes cancer. I’d likely just read an article about people who run barefoot. And maybe another article about Chinese foot massage. The tone is mocking, and I’m not proud of it, but there you go.
everygoodideaiget.blogspot.com: This is me becoming aware of myself.
postrockinterview.blogspot.com: I accidentally turned on Godspeed You! Black Emperor in iTunes while listening to an interview in my web browser, and it was pretty awesome. Basically what happens is that you feel like whatever this dude’s gonna say next is extremely important, and then whatever sentence he drops when Godspeed’s going nuts at the top of the crescendo makes you want to cry. I mashed up a few of these, but they didn’t make it to the blog for some reason, and I can’t find them now. Bummer.
theitalianobama.blogspot.com: My friend Annie was trying to tell me a story about some guy she thought was the Italian Obama, but then she couldn’t remember his name. Our only hope was that someone else would think of it and try to get the blogger domain and then get in touch with me to tell me who it is. This hasn’t happened yet.
iwasdoinggiantorigamiforawhile.blogspot.com: Pretty self-explanatory. I was making origami out of paper bags I taped together, and I thought it looked cool. That’s about it.
pornigami.blogspot.com: There are people who actually do this. I’m not capable, but I thought it’d be pretty cool to make the origami Kama Sutra.
mandepicatebusmanitoba.blogspot.com: This was a typo I made on a Google search that returned just one result. Being pretty pleased with myself, I acquired the blogger domain in celebration. Perhaps you know what I mistyped.
thecatharsisofunderstanding.blogspot.com: This is where you read about something, like say, sex slavery, and then you feel both really bad and also a little bit better, since at least you know about it. You’ve done your part to learn about some of the varieties of suffering in this world. That’s the catharsis of understanding.
sarcasmlostonim.blogspot.com: Sarcasm doesn’t always make it through Google chat. These aren’t the best examples, but you know what I mean.
closetstructuralist.blogspot.com: This is where you don’t want to be a structuralist because you feel like that paradigm’s been sufficiently dismantled, but then you actually just want to write down your complicated, binaristic charts that you think are probably right. I’m sure everyone has this problem.
everygreatideaiget.blogspot.com: This is me becoming aware of becoming aware of myself.
buribunk.blogspot.com: This is a great word invented by Carl Schmitt, as far as I know, in a satirical essay he wrote in 1918 called, “The Buribunks: A Historico-Philosophical Meditation.” A buribunk is someone who documents everything to the point of absurdity, so… like a blogger, or whatever. The essay is reproduced in its entirety in Friedrich Kittler’s excellent, Gramophone, Film, Typewriter. I should’ve posted the essay on the site, but I was too lazy to scan it, so maybe I will if you badger me, or maybe you’ll just have to go get it from the library.
lastnightstabs.blogspot.com: This is a good idea because I always have the dumbest tabs up when I open my computer in the morning (e.g., the Wikipedia entry for “Life”), but I couldn’t figure out a good way to visually convey those tabs since when you have a bunch open, it shortens their titles. I guess I could manually list them with links? Sounds like a lot of work.
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Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
I was 24 and, while not gay, ever since college I had been getting more attention from gay men than from heterosexual women.