Age And Gender Vs. Texting Ability, A Rate-Based Analysis

Hypothesis: Age and texting ability are independent of each other.

Introduction: I have had approximately eight years of experience with texting boys/ guys/ men. The inception of my research took root in 2001 at the tender age of 13. At that time, I used my mother’s cell phone, and was forced to delete all evidence that I had used the text feature on her phone. I was given my own cell phone in 2004 for my 16th birthday.

Data Analysis, Males: When males around age 9 get cell phones, they’re pre-pubescent and are just starting to discover that when they text a girl — even to a borderline stalker extent (see graph above), girls respond favorably. Repeated texting in this manner continually elicits positive response. Text messages frequently utilize shortened lingo such as “u” for “you,” “ur” for “your,” “bb,” for “baby,” etc.

Around high school (age 14), texting ability in males begins to decrease, dropping from high to an eventual medium. During college, ages 18 through 22, we continue to see a decline in male texting ability. Rate drops from medium to low, and from there declines to extremely low from ages 24 through 30.

During the early- to mid-30s, men lose all ability to text. From personal experience in dating a 34-year-old who had virtually no texting ability, but a very high calling ability, I prefer the former. Less ear-to-voice contact, and, let’s be real, who talks on the phone when you can text?

During the mid- to late-30s there is a very slight increase in texting ability, perhaps due to the fact that males at this stage are likely married while pursuing extra-marital affairs, which often require at least a low texting ability.

During the early 40s, we see a spike in the male ability to text, and by the time we reach mid- to late-40s, texting ability begins a rapid ascent, possibly caused by daughters in their early teen years just beginning forays into dating, on whom need to be kept tabs.

By early- to mid-50s, males regress to borderline stalker status once again, speculatively due to the incessant worry regarding college-age daughters. Typical texting behavior is repeated and obsessive vies for contact throughout the day, asking anything from “What did U have 4 dinner?” to “Are U coming home 4 Thanksgiving?” to the much appreciated, “Do U need any $$?? Can mail U a chek.”

Data Analysis, Women: Women exhibit abnormally high texting ability throughout life.

Conclusion: Text messaging ability in males is inversely proportional to age. As age increases, text messaging decreases until males become fathers.

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