A Checklist For Your Mid-Twenties

Sep. 6, 2011

By Brandon Scott Gorrell info

Brandon Scott Gorrell is a writer and editor living in Brooklyn, NY.

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  1. Watch your group of friends change – some marry and fade; best friends unexpectedly become strange; new acquaintances suddenly offer perspectives which are simultaneously impossible to ignore, intriguing, unrealistic, exciting, and awareness-of-self inducing
  2. Realize your perception of people you meet on the internet has gone from ‘exciting/ forbidden’ (age 10-13) to ‘subversive guilty pleasure’ (age 14-21) to ‘can’t discern if culturally acceptable’ (age 22-23) to ‘can’t discern if this accurately reflects reality’ (age 24-??)
  3. Realize your idea of friendship is reworking itself, seemingly beyond your control – individuals with certain characteristics who, at age 18, would have not met your standards suddenly find themselves in your favor, perhaps the consequence of convenience, compromise, or a softening of ideals
  4. Have a battle with drinking – are you sophisticated, a drunk, affluent, depressed, bored, psycho, killing time, having fun, are you too old for this? Is this a spiral? Is a half-bottle of wine acceptable? Is an entire bottle of wine acceptable? Is even getting drunk acceptable? I blacked out the other night, fuck.
  5. Become genuinely compelled by high-culture food, e.g., sushi, kale, organic, local, fusion, sweet potato fries, bloody marys, salmon, brunch, tartar, -ianisms; feel aware/ suspicious/ anxious about your newly acquired interest; perceive what you will later come to know as “first world guilt”
  6. Realize resolution of first world guilt has become a major unconscious agenda; the agenda is vague and unanswerable to an extent – the fact may be simply that you are, in a completely egregious way, not currently an African person starving in the horn of Africa
  7. Struggle with the tenets of individualism; earnestly believe, contradictorily, the entitled stance that you’re special and that your unique contribution to the world will pay off, as well as the stance that you’re not at all special and that the idea of having a unique contribution to offer is a cliché and simply not a universal given, but instead a common, scrutable perception of reality
  8. Ask yourself how it’s even possible to change anything; feel nervous about the inherent apathy embedded within the latter question – and thus embedded in your worldview – and so feel doomed to some sort of facist-corporate apocalyptic future scenario as well as a personal mediocrity that ultimately seems bleak and irredeemable
  9. Have regular flashbacks of your childhood, which revolved around how to figure out how to work a lighter, playing hockey on rollerblades in someone’s cul-de-sac, and feeling like the whole neighborhood felt you their son or daughter; remember the lake, remember the plastic smell of toys, remember the smell of your best friend’s basement, remember blowing out a Nintendo cartridge, remember the asphalt, remember the first erection, the first hand-hold, the painfully innocent first grade kiss
  10. Recall the present; realize, confusingly, that it is what it is; concurrently understand that you’ve accepted the passing of childhood and decided that childhood-related nostalgia is something to be enjoyed but ultimately discarded – understand both concepts as unnecessary albeit meaningful and sigh-inducing; feel unsure, feel capable, feel okay, feel career-minded, still know your childhood address, feel afraid, feel drunk, feel annoyed, remember your back yards, remember the intrigue of your parents’ bedroom, feel concerned about tomorrow, feel invested in your boyfriend’s outfit, feel hurt she still talks to her ex, feel confident, remember the sound of the bell that called you in from recess, feel doomed, feel free TC mark

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You can also read A Checklist For Single People and A Checklist For People In A Relationship.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    everything is a façade!!!! :’( lamenting as a twenty-something on acid

  • LOGAN

    amazing

  • Asdf

    13. Carry your teenage angst into your mid-twenties.

    10 years later:

    13. Carry your teenage angst into your mid-thirties.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Unsure if it’s a good or bad thing that all 10 items are applicable. Will stew on this while eating massaged kale salad and lurking new friends on the internet.

  • Asdf

    I cannot read. I could have sworn there were 12 of these. Fine:

    11. Learn how to read.
    12. Learn how to count.

  • JP

    TC is on a roll today

  • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

    Excellent list. 

    So.. Is an entire bottle of wine acceptable?

  • indi

    i feel like i have read versions of this same article at least 15 times before on TC.

  • indi

    #justsayin 

  • juss

    too many big words… guess i really still am an early-20-something #thankgod

  • a.

    Dear god, 4. “Is even getting drunk acceptable? I
    blacked out the other night, fuck.”

    Basically.

  • The Truth

    Nah, the author’s just trying to be overly intellectual and thinks the more convoluted he is, the more wise (or hip) he is.  Some sentences, like this one, mean absolutely nothing: “Recall the present; realize, confusingly, that it is what it is.”

    Some (usually talented) writers try to say what they have to in the least words possible, but this guy prefers to use the most words possible, the longest words possible, and the most semicolons possible.

    Actually, I think I’m being too harsh.  The beginning of the article mostly makes sense; I think he just kept getting more and more high as he went along.

  • Thwart

    Actually, I found the line about the present that you quoted quite an interesting one. Its a dragged yet creative and slightly mysterious way of saying ‘Come to terms with your present state of being; comprehend and accept it’

  • Thwart

    Love the contradictions/juxtapositions !!

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans 371747

    “Have a battle with drinking – are you sophisticated, a drunk, affluent, depressed, bored, psycho, killing time, having fun, are you too old for this? Is this a spiral? Is a half-bottle of wine acceptable? Is an entire bottle of wine acceptable? Is even getting drunk acceptable? I blacked out the other night, fuck.”   Um, yeah?  Yeah is the answer to all that shit.  

  • Raeesas

    :( I’m so ooooooooooooooooooooold.

  • Anonymous

    RIGHT!? No new articles since the weekend, and BAM! I iz so happyy :3

  • http://twitter.com/brooklyknight David Trahan

    The long words and descriptions are what make this so great. At this stage in life many 20-somethings are thinking about life in the past and current in a long and convoluted way. What the author wrote made perfect sense. Stop hating.

  • http://twitter.com/brooklyknight David Trahan

    I love this. Thank you for writing it. 

  • Goaway

    I relate to almost none of this.

  • Guest

    this is my life, to a t. “feel doomed, feel free” seems to be my 24/7 state of mind these days

  • Thom

    I relate to more than half of this.

  • Amnesiacsiblings

    these are first world problems.

  • guest

    and, living in the first world, these are the problems we have. what of it? COME AT ME, BRO.

  • Guest

    “Struggle with the tenets of individualism; earnestly believe, contradictorily, the entitled stance that you’re special and that your unique contribution to the world will pay off, as well as the stance that you’re not at all special and that the idea of having a unique contribution to offer is a cliché and simply not a universal given, but instead a common, scrutable perception of reality.” noice.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    i’m not in my twenties and too many are true.

  • http://twitter.com/jessicabrookes Jessica Brookes

    I relate to 6.5 of these.

  • Robert.

    ….we don’t know anything else.

  • Cathy

    What on earth is MASSAGED kale salad LOL?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

    …so? first world problems don’t count as real problems? that only implies that first world = better…?

    if that’s where you’re coming from

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    “ I used to hate kale. I thought it was bitter and too chewy for my taste. I liked it hidden in soups and stews, but raw? No way! Then I discovered massaged kale salads. I know “massaged” sounds a bit funky for a green vegetable, doesn’t it? But trust me on this one. You “massage” the greens with your favorite fat or oil and lots of other yummy seasonings until the greens “wilt” and have a “cooked” texture- but they’re still full of all their healthy raw enzymes and nutrients! It’s the best of both worlds.” (via http://cookbakenibble.com/2011/02/08/vegan-week-how-to-massaged-kale-salad/)

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    I relate to so much of this, especially everything with friendships.  Every one of my college friends are in other countries or cities, and my high school friends are in my hometown, which is equally as depressing.  

  • danielle

    shut up i love bsg

  • developing country

    first world problems are nicer problems. i sincerely wish i had em.

  • Heather Inc

    This is a pretty long response for someone who’s into brevity.

  • LadyE

    Lol @ remembering childhood – cul de sacs, basements, lakes?? Not everyone grew up in the burbs.

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